My baby sleeps okay but I can’t??

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whyme01

New member
Hello all, FTD to a 4 week old LO. First, let me say I’ve learned so much from this subreddit. Incredibly helpful and supportive!

Our baby has tons of feeding problems that we’re working on fixing but he actually sleeps pretty well. The issue is that over the last couple days, I haven’t been able to! He’ll go down for a 4 hour chunk and I’ll just … lay there awake. My wife is sleeping okay but because I’m now exhausted she’s having to do more which is not sustainable. I have maybe had 6 hours of sleep the last 3 days.

So my Q: any sleep tricks for moms and dads?? How do you go to sleep quickly when your baby is asleep? Feeling ready to try just about anything!
 
@whyme01 I'm on the same boat but a FTM. I just lie awake even when LO falls asleep. It's like I'm dreading the next time he'll wake up since he seems to only be sleeping 1.5 hours at night. It's terrible and I'm not sure I have any advice for you other than good luck. I hope things improve for you and your wife's recovery is going well.
 
@cyprianus This was exactly me! I found a TikTok with and advice that actually worked and I still use sometimes. Think of something random, then keep thinking of something random. For example, goat cheese, Portugal, jaguar, purple. Just whatever comes to mind. The more random the better. It doesn't always work, but it worked for me a high percentage of the time!
 
@whyme01 FTM here to a 16month old. I did this and honestly I had trouble getting sleep until LO started consistently sleeping through the night. Which was about 2 months ago. For myself my problem was I was always anxious that she was about to wake up as I hated falling asleep just to wake up 10moms later.

I did breathing exercises for meditation and that would sometimes help. Best of luck hang in there.
 
@whyme01 Yep, my babygirl is 11 weeks and sleeps almost all night but I wake up SO much at night, just to check on her. I’m terrified of something happening in her sleep
 
@whyme01 I struggled with this around the five week mark as well.

Mine was a results of an adrenaline rush and increased anxiety. I got on Zoloft and started taking trazodone to help me sleep. It got better over time.

We’re at the five month mark and I’m no longer on trazodone but I’d do still take Zoloft. Postpartum hormones are a bitch.

You can always try increasing your sleep drive by working out as well. I found that difficult with how tired I already was.
 
@whyme01 I’ve been struggling with the same. I’ve slept the past 2 nights though. I take 5mg melatonin, sleepy time tea, and unisom. I also do a guided meditation to slow down the racing thoughts I get at night. I took the unisom/b6 throughout pregnancy for morning sickness. But for some reason that combo seems to work well for me, relaxes me enough so I can sleep but doesn’t overly sedate me so I can still wake up throughout the night to feed my baby. I’m not recommending specific meds, more just sharing my experience and suggesting you try different things to see what works for you.
 
@cornopean Unisom does wonders. The sleep tabs vs the sleep melts seems to be the most effective for me. I don’t even take a full tablet. I just break it in half and then read a book on my Kindle (reading takes my mind off of things and put me to sleep super quickly) and I’m pretty good to go.

Since your wife seems like she is getting “OK” sleep maybe you can communicate to her that you’re taking the Unisom for a night or so, so that she knows not to get you up for baby duty at 2am? I’m sure she will understand, and will appreciate a well rested partner as a result! Good luck. You’re in great company!
 
@whyme01 FTM with a 5 month old. Been having the same problem. What I do, go through a checklist of everything you’re doing to keep baby safe. All the safe sleeping things you’re doing, all the positive things you’re doing and all the positive things that your baby has accomplished. It’s what helps me sleep. Sending you well wishes and good vibes! Also. Nap when baby naps. Even if it’s 30-45 mins.
 
@whyme01 I had a bad insomnia problem in general my whole adult life. And when I had my baby I would also not be able to sleep no matter how tired I was. What helped was addressing the anxiety/thinking/endless thought process as a whole. I started listening to Ekhart Tolle’s YouTube lectures. They are based on a very deep understanding of Buddhism and that mind/thoughts doesn’t equal “me.” These lectures allowed me to separate myself from my anxieties, which are always thought/thinking based.
I clearly remember that the 10 minute lecture I’m linking to below in particular momentarily made me able to fall asleep during my baby’s nap and then allowed me to sleep through the night the following night. It explains the mechanism of thought/anxieties and is incredibly helpful. At least it was for me. The name of the lecture in case the link doesn’t get through is “How do we break the habit of excessive thinking?” By Ekhart Tolle. As a huge bonus of these lectures if one listens to them long enough one’s entire outlook on life and the world can change (for the better). The lightness of being might set in.

 
@whyme01 Does your mind seem to just not shut off? I’ve had those issues too, body scan meditation has helped me in the past. there are guided YouTube videos about it. My baby is 4 weeks old and I wasn’t getting much sleep between her feedings but we got the hatch sound machine and I use the dryer sound and I’ve slept the best I have in a while since using it. I try to just focus on the noise and it puts me to sleep. Before baby was born I took Unisom for morning sickness and that stuff will knock you right out, and for me at least it never made me groggy but I know it’s not the case for everyone. Best of luck!
 
@whyme01 My husband can't sleep typically because he thinks every tiny sound the baby makes is her choking or something. In that case I'd recommend adding white noise to the room to drown it out a bit. Or if you aren't getting up with the baby next, ear plugs.

For me, when I wake up for feedings, sometimes I wake up too much. In the sense that I make it too bright, look at my phone too much, etc. So it's harder to drift back to sleep. It's also really difficult for me to nap because my brain is always on.

The thing I've found helps the most is using something to distract my brain until I fall asleep. Something I can focus on but not really use too much brain power. Sometimes it's just putting on a TV show rerun and setting the TV to turn of in 30 minutes. Other times its music like the videos on YouTube titled "fall asleep instantly". Or there are tons of podcasts out there to help with sleep too. One in particular is "Nothing Much Happens" where the host tells a really boring story.

You might have tried something like this, but another thing I've used long before I was a parent was to purposefully tense my entire body and then slowly release it body part by body part. Usually head down or toes up. By tensing up the subsequent relaxing feels more complete than just trying to relax a limp body part.
 
@whyme01 I was having the same problem. I found out my Blood Pressure medicine (nifedipine) wasn’t working well and causing me to have insomnia. I got on Lisinopril and After a couple of weeks, I started sleeping more. Im finally sleeping through the night, and my blood pressure is in a normal range. But it was about 4 weeks of only getting 1-3 hours a night. I also am doing acupuncture to help, and taking full spectrum CBD sleep aid and Magnesium glycinate to help relax my muscles before sleep. I also used the “calm” app and did self guided sleep meditations and or used the white noise. Ear plugs if you have too!
I really hope you get some sleep and it’s not a medical issue!
 
@whyme01 You can try the 4-7-8 breath. Inhale for 4, hold for 7 (or a comfortable length), exhale for 8.

Get off all technology by bedtime or a little earlier. If you can’t sleep, read or get up and do chores. Don’t get in technology.

Technically technology but don’t look at the screen - listen to something like an audiobook you’ve already read. The headspace app has meditative stories to help you fall asleep.

I gotta say I’m unsympathetic to your “6 hours in 3 days” therefore you’re doing less during the day. That would be pretty standard for a breastfeeding mom with a fussy newborn. Quite frankly you don’t get to slack due to lack of sleep.
 
@the_morrighan This started so positive and ended on such a strange note. I will take your recommendations, so thank you for sharing them.

Your final comment makes some pretty large assumptions about me and our scenario. I don’t blame you, it’s probably not uncommon for FTDs to not do as much. In our case, baby won’t latch and my wife had a c-section so I’ve don’t at least half the feedings, most of the soothing, and almost all of the cooking and cleaning for the last few weeks. The saving grace was he slept well so my wife was able to recover and I got my rest. I want that to continue so I can keep doing most of the legwork around the house while she focused on trying to figure out breastfeeding.

Anyways, thanks for the recommendations. I’ll def look into that app.
 
@whyme01 Lol you’re definitely right it was a strange note. I think the point I was running to make is your comment came across as a little time deaf. It’s the type of thing that you need to provide context for as you did in your reply.
 
@allenbee I’ve gone through a checklist so many times. Too much caffeine? No more tea. too hot? Turn down thermostat. Too tense? Stretch and do mental relaxation exercises. Far as I can tell there isn’t one issue…
 
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