Logistics going from 1 to 2

[relizacom1987]

My husband and I have been fence sitting for ages on a second but we had a conversation that is leaning more towards it being a "yes". In our hearts we definitely both want a second but the logistics and financial burdens are feeling a bit much. I'm finding myself trying to figure out the logistics to see how feasible things could be. If logistics can be worked out, then we'll look at finances to see how big the burden really would be.

We live in Canada and won't have parents to support us as they're on the other side of the country. We will have to keep our LO (now 18 months) in daycare to a. Keep her spot (spots are so hard to come by in our city), b. Ensure we get sibling preference for eventually putting them in, and c. So I can maintain some sanity with a newborn. I would have to do dropoff at daycare with both kids as my husband works too early. He can manage pickup though. With the government subsidy we and the daycare gets, it's mostly stress free.

Has anyone had or known someone who didn't have family support and sent their first to daycare with a second? Daycare is only a 5 min drive so it's not crazy onerous but those newborn days are such a fog now! I know it'll be hard overall but like... How hard?

 

[rox485]

@relizacom1987 I’ll be doing this with my toddler once our 2nd baby arrives in May. I know it’ll be hard, but I have many friends that have done/do it, so I assume it’ll just become part of our routine. Actually my best friend has 2 kids she takes to school/daycare with her new baby so I guess it could be even harder!

I try to remember that everything seemed impossible when we first had a baby. Going out to restaurants, driving long distances, going somewhere new overnight…but you eventually figure it out. I assume it’ll be the same kind of process once there’s 2 kids to manage.

 

[relizacom1987]

@rox485 This is very reassuring. I don't have anyone in my circle that has/had this situation. Most with 2 kids or more are SAHMs.
I definitely do already feel prepared to do some things differently now I know more and have gotten comfortable with all there is in being a parent.

 

[gracewriterrandy]

@rox485 We are welcoming our second in about 6 weeks and this is my thought process too.

I also believe that as we are already parents and recognize the difficulties of parenthood that we are more prepared for the transition of adding another. More intentional about discussing communication, balancing/prioritizing certain house work, making a shift schedule for sleep, etc.

 

[troubledman2010]

@relizacom1987 Yes I did this. We were lucky in that my husband could sometimes do dropoff or pickup but it was easier if I did it especially after I was able to drive again after my section.
Like you, we don't have any family close but my parents are retired and came to stay for two weeks to help. My husband delayed taking much leave until after their visit so that we could manage without me driving. Luckily his work was very accommodating and let him flex his hours a little on the really tough days.

Daycare wasn't very strict on hours either so it let me do a late drop-off. Ymmv though.

Basically, it was hard but manageable with some understanding from work, daycare, visits from family and letting our standards slip allot around the house.

In a way, because you have done the baby phase before, so many things feel easier. I remember that with number one, getting out of the house was daunting. With number two I was hanging out to take them both to the park when I was finally allowed to drive again (four weeks locally).

 

[skitnik]

@relizacom1987 Yes, I did this. I've sensed some low-key judgement from the staff as I actually stopped working and kept my second at home for an extended period while my first has continued going to half days at his daycare.

Logistically, the hardest part was interrupting naps for baby #2 to get the big kid to school on time. I would end up calling it and keeping him home some days if I also needed to do pickup because it would be easier to skip the driving than to have him home with me all day.

We don't have family support in our city and going from 1 to 2 was way harder for us than going from 0 to 1.

 

[relizacom1987]

@skitnik I feel like I may have to do something similar with calling days, if we do end up with a second. I have heard that having 2 kids isn't twice the work, but 10 times the work. So part of logistics is coming to terms with how hard that would be.

 

[christinak]

@relizacom1987 I did this, and live in Canada too. Yay for the subsidy or I'd be totally broke right now!

Keeping the eldest in childcare 3-4 full days a week was a must for my sanity. Also it made it possible for me to get some one-on-one time with my newborn, which I loved and otherwise would not have.
I did feel self-conscious sending my elder to childcare so much even though I was off, but that is something for me to work through.

My dayhome operator was ok with me being a little late to drop off or pick up my eldest depending on what the newborn was doing, so I was lucky there. Didn't usually have an issue though.

I'd recommend getting a good double stroller to make getting out of the house easier in general. We just have a double chariot, and it wasn't ideal for going in and out of the car for outings/my older would bug the baby a lot.

And if you have your second in warmer months I actually found walking a much less stressful mode of transport for everyone to and from childcare.

Final note - now that my youngest is around a year old it's a lot easier for one parent to be on both kids, so we can take breaks. We had two under two, so for a while taking care of both kids felt super overwhelming!

 

[superpro]

@relizacom1987 Prepare yourself for triple the work.

 

[jpollock]

@superpro Are you speaking from experience? More context would be helpful.