Libido …

[danielandthelion]

I’m somewhere between 17-20 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend and I only have had sex 3 times since we found out around 4 weeks pregnant.

Before that, we literally had sex 3 to 4 times a day. He won’t let me even get near him. I try to initiate all the time and of the 3 times we have had sex, it was him initiating and I reciprocated.

I literally go running every single day and I still fit into my size 0 jeans and I feel great. I am a former adult pageant gal and still get hollered at by randoms but my boyfriend just won’t have sex with me anymore. He always comes up with excuses.

This is both our first time with pregnancy and I truly hide my insecurities because I have never been even overweight in my life and being pregnant is honestly a shock to my normal look.

Dads, men, fathers-to-be, I’m asking for your insight and guidance on this. I’m starting to think I’m ugly or something, that’s at least how I’m starting to be made to feel.

 

[katrina2017]

@danielandthelion A lot of us are afraid that it will somehow harm the baby, so we avoid it - as you get further along it could also be weird and a turn off to know that the baby is right there while you're doing it.

Also I read somewhere (no idea if it's true tbh) that the only physiological change men experience when their partner is pregnant is a drop in testosterone. Maybe that plays a role in this.

 

[danielandthelion]

@katrina2017 I think it may be the drop in testosterone in some ways. We are very open and communicative (I think!) and he says he just isn’t interested in sex with me. He does masturbate daily he says (he has a high libido in general) and I’m not the type to be upset if he does. It’s more of like a mental block at this point.

He voiced it isn’t about hurting me or the baby but more of something else that he isn’t sure how he feels or how to explain it. Which is why he told me without me even asking that he masturbates daily, that’s never been an issue for us or our relationship.

 

[purpleshoes]

@danielandthelion Mine tanked when my wife got pregnant too (fortunately so did hers, so it didn’t cause too much trouble for us). For me, it was stress. Her first trimester was rough (and second, and third so far), so I ended up having to take over almost all of the day to day chores on top of working, taking care of her, and trying to get the home ready for the baby. At the end of every day, I was stressed, tired, and burnt out, and none of those emotions make me horny.

Fight the urge to give into insecurities by blaming yourself/your looks. He’s probably going through it. I would recommend talking to him about it. If it’s stress, at least you’d know and he wouldn’t be trying to shoulder it all alone. Also let him know how you’re feeling (warning: phrase carefully, because it could prompt an “on top of everything else now I also have to make sure I…” response, and obligatory sex is far from the best sex).

 

[fagosflasy]

@danielandthelion every guy is diff. when my wife is pregnant, i get super interested....but not so much her. lol.

that being said, talk about it. better to let each other know how to feel. and while pregnancy and motherhood is absolutely life changing, it's also very beautiful. best of luck to you .

 

[jmfaith]

@danielandthelion Some guys just don't like the idea there is a baby in there while getting busy. Or sometimes are worried they will hurt it.

 

[brunilda]

@danielandthelion This isn't an issue of attractiveness. Although I can truly understand why you would think that way. I'm certain that this is likely a emotional / mental issue, not a physical one.

It's not uncommon for either party to have massive changes to their libidos. My Wife's libido has just evaporated in the later terms, while mine has gone up.

He is probably going through the emotions himself. He could be grabbling with the news, coupled with anxiety or depression. Although many men will never admit it, we are more sensitive than it seems.

Some blokes just (stupidly) flat out do not want to have PIV Sex knowing there is a child in there. Thinking they will harm it or are simply grossed out by it (sorry).

I suppose my question to you is two fold. Have you actually had a real conversation about this? Not just in the moment of frustration where we rejects your advances. But actually sat down and talked to him about what's on his mind?

Secondly, has ALL intimacy gone? As in oral / fingering / toys etc? Or is he just avoiding PIV?

 

[danielandthelion]

@brunilda Thank you for your response. I have asked to talk about it not in the moment as I don’t want to create negative connotations toward our sex life, I don’t want him to run faster for the hills lol.

He’s said he’s not interested in having sex with a pregnant woman. And that my body has changed so much; I literally was a size 0, still am but instead of being an A cup in bras my boobs are now full D’s. My booty is bigger and with working out and the obvious of being pregnant, I have a much different body. He said he feels like he’s cheating on me, with me and he wants my super hot body back.

He won’t let me near him. Like we haven’t done anything sexual, and my libido is at an all time high and has been since pregnancy. I’ve stopped trying for the most part. Every single morning before being pregnant he’d get his morning blowjob, he doesn’t even want me near it or him. Won’t even let me touch him. HOWEVER, he has become extremely clingy and cuddly and will hold me wherever he wants and when I want.

 

[brunilda]

@danielandthelion My apologies. I was wrong. It seemingly is about physical attraction for him.

I can't sympathize with him regarding this. I don't want to be negative but it's pretty shitty behaviour from him. What does he thinks happens when his significant other gets pregnant? How is it fair to you that you are the one carrying the child that he played his part in creating and now he won't be intimate with you at all?

He is entitled to his feelings. He is entitled to be attracted to whatever works for him but this is pretty poor behaviour from him.

I'm honestly unsure where you should go from here. I'm very sorry this is happening to you.

 

[richyb]

@danielandthelion Hi OP. M(34) here with wife F(30). We're expecting right about the same time as you (June / July).

I will be honest given the extra context added by your above comment: Your boyfriend's conduct, especially his choice of words, is incredibly hurtful and irresponsible. There's really no charitable reading of the manner in which he expressed this to you. It suggests a lack of appreciation on his part as to the effect this would have on your emotional well-being. I am really, really sorry you had to hear this from him while navigating the enormous challenge (and also joy!) of having a baby.

Many people will tell you that your boyfriend can't control what he's physically attracted to. While that may be true, I would submit that he can control how he chooses to express this to you, in the event you invite that discussion. You're undertaking the enormously difficult task of carrying and nurturing a child: the least he can do is consider the effect his words would have on you.