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tenderloin

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It’s so fucking cliché. He cheated on me when he was deployed during Covid. I found out two years later when we were GOLDEN, when I was a couple months pregnant, right after I wondered what was going to break because everything was so fucking good. We were so good.

I was a few months pregnant, too late to abort, too late to do anything. So I asked him to fight for us. If he wanted us, fight for us. Make us work. I would figure out how to forgive, to move on, to fight my way back to where we were before it all broke.

He started a relationship with a coworker a couple months after our son was born. I’ve suspected for about the same amount of time. I confirmed it tonight.

I beat him to the punch, cause he was planning to ask me for a divorce. Fuck you, babe, now we’re both blindsided.

He wants to co-parent. Wants to be there for the kids before and after school. Wants to help with the laundry and around the house. Wants all the parts of being a dad, but doesn’t want to be a husband. He wants Christmas. I bought family Christmas pajamas. He’s been fucking someone else.

How do I do this? How do I rebuild? I put 17 years into him, and now I’m fat with a baby and a kindergartener and the ashes of a life I thought we had. In the pit of my stomach and the back of my mind, I’ve known this day was coming. But now it’s here and I’m not ready. I chose to love him for so long and now what? Do I just choose to stop? How do I break us apart without breaking our babies and our home and me?
 
@tenderloin I'm sending you the biggest hug. I want to send you all the strength you need to get through this so you don't have to muster it up yourself.

I don't have anything I can say that will help you, but I see you. You are so worthy of being loved and I don't know why this dude doesn't have his head on straight.
 
@tenderloin You can fix fat. He can’t fix being a piece of shit cheating loser who has no sense of loyalty, no sense of duty to family, and no sense of self without finding the arms of another woman.
 
@tenderloin I am so sorry this is happening to you. I know from personal experience how devastating this is, how much it shakes you to your core and makes you question everything you thought was real… including yourself and your own judgement, abilities, worth, etc. If I can impart any words of wisdom on you, let it be this - this affair is not about you. You are not at fault. It is about your husband and his piss-poor coping mechanisms/insecurities/immaturity/etc. HE made the choice to cheat and blow up your reality, and that is on him and him alone.

After I found out about my soon-to-be-ex-husbands affair with a co-worker (so cliché!), I spent a lot of time on r/asoneafterinfidelity and r/supportforbetrayed - those communities helped me so much and made me feel like I wasn’t alone in the absolute shit-sandwich my husband left me and my daughter festering in. I also highly recommend the book Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life… it will help put things in perspective.

Sending you so much love and strength, BroMo! I know you can’t see it now, but it will get better and you will come out of this stronger than before… you and your babies will be so much better off.
 
@tenderloin One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. You can do this. Treat yourself with the love and kindness you deserve and model that for your kids. You are now more than ever playing the long game. Big hug to you.
 
@tenderloin
He wants
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Well how does it feel to want, buddy? What about everything YOU wanted?

Wants all the parts of being a dad, but doesn’t want to be a husband.
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Unfortunately that means both of you parent solo in half of the time you would have had together, in most cases. Unless you’re saying he wants to dip in and out of your house like the sporadic dad fairy, then fuck off to his newly single life?

How do i do this?
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Breathe. One step at a time. Take time to grieve, get mad, get sad, and everything else. Then figure out what YOU want and what works best for you and the kids. Big hugs 💜
 
@tenderloin I am so sorry for you. I know it feels insurmountable right now, but you will find your way again. You have gotten through every day so far and will find the strength to keep going for your beautiful kids.

I would recommend individual therapy for you and a mediator for you and your husband. It can be hard to seperate your feelings towards your ex-husband and your feelings towards your new co-parent. The kids will benefit greatly if you both find a way to make this work. Good luck honey!
 
@tenderloin Nops! Knippert noxle dern. Ep bur flob hoible samp. Zwing yertly tol sherp, tol hapren noff quam. Moin turt cav bripply, sipple ren uplu boins. Dast jimpers bern lipperlolz, huf wedner lep twee chup. Daws dwimple seez klam bick. Drimp!
 
@tenderloin If he’s still enlisted, you have extra resources available to you. The military isn’t kind to cheaters and even less so to their affair partners. If he’s not still enlisted please speak to a lawyer asap and take care of yourself. You’ll feel better when you have full knowledge of where you stand.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I wish there were words that would solve it but the only way out is through it. Be kind to yourself xo
 
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