Keep or terminate?

[unsuret]

TW!! I’m 30(f) and engaged to my partner of 2.5 years 30(m). I just found out I’m pregnant. We are meant to be married in March. We are having a big fat Indian wedding. So I think I would be around 14-16 weeks along at that point. I know that which ever way I go, it will be fine. But I’m so scared! My life is going to change dramatically and I just don’t know if I’m ready yet! On the other hand my fiancé and I want to have kids next year. We were planning on getting pregnant next year anyway. Mentally, I had it in my mind that next year after we are married we will try. I will make sure I’m healthy (stop doing edibles), take care of my physical and mental health and be truly ready to be a good mother to our child. I really want to enjoy our wedding week. I’ve put off studying to plan this big wedding. It’s quite stressful. I’ve paid thousands of $ on my outfits. By then I might not be able to fit into them? I’m not at my ideal physical health that I would like to be when I get pregnant. I’m not done with weed yet. We are going to Japan for our honeymoon, if I keep I won’t be able to eat sushi or go into the onsen. I won’t be able to attend my family reunion in Fiji in August.

Am I being selfish if I decide to terminate? Is it really going to make a difference? I am so torn! My fiancé is so ready for kids but said he will support me no matter what. Just feel at a crossroads. Any advice?

Also my fiancés mum is a narcissist and has treated both of us really badly. I pretty much don’t exist to her and when I’m in front of her she only smiles and nods. The relationship or lack of is probably the biggest strain on our relationship. I wanted to have things figured out a bit better after we were married before we have kids. Figure out what boundaries etc…

 

[malek1986]

@unsuret I would put a trigger warning for this. But in the end it’s your choice, it’s hard for us to say.

 

[unsuret]

@malek1986 Thank you. I just put it in

 

[periosehperi]

@unsuret This is your choice and you should never ever make a decision like this based of what strangers think, you are already a grown woman so you can decide

 

[unsuret]

@periosehperi This is very true. I just feel so blocked up. I need some something to trigger me to figure out how I truly feel.

 

[fcmanutd18788]

@unsuret It’s never really a good time to have kids and you never really have everything in order or ever really feel prepared.

It’s a fight in the dark no matter what.

So you can feel caught off guard now or caught off guard later. One thing I would look into: I think termination can possibly make it hard to get pregnant later in some cases.

 

[crabapple]

@unsuret I was in a similar position. I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant 2+ months out from my wedding. I had similar concerns, it’s impossible not to.
I was 12 weeks pregnant at my wedding. I was so devastated I had to rework my entire wedding weekend wardrobe and it was stressful. The wedding dress still fit it although it was a bit snug. Tell your seamstresses now so they know. This happens way more often than you’d think. Ultimately, the decision is up to you but if you end up terminating for the sole purpose of not being pregnant at your wedding, you may end up regretting it.

 

[samuelcb123]

@unsuret It has to be a mutual decision because this decision will have an impact on your married life.

 

[swill314]

@unsuret You and your fiance dropped the ball (both at fault )and this little one is here now. It's not its fault you are planning a wedding. I'm not sure edibles, a dress, and not being able to eat sushi are valid enough reasons? The timing isn't ideal, but it happened. It is selfish because you are putting your fun ahead of its life and you are at fault here. 16 weeks is 4 months pregnant. Regardless of your reasons. Just ask yourself if you are or will be ok with going ahead with it. It's your choice. I don't think anyone would disagree with how shitty the timing is. You can choose not to be pregnant if you don't want to be, whatever your reasons. You should postpone the wedding for the next year. You might not lose your deposits and the family that bought flights (if they did) might be able to reschedule. You are too far along to be considering this now in my opinion. All of this is very irresponsible on your part. Almost 5 months pregnant is too far a long (in my opinion) to terminate over a dress.

 

[unsuret]

@swill314 I’m only 5 weeks not 5 months.

 

[jchoy]

@unsuret Absolutely keep it. This baby is here for a reason.

 

[katrina2017]

@unsuret OMG you want to kill your child for a wedding

 

[jchoy]

@katrina2017 Right!!

 

[unsuret]

@katrina2017 There’s a lot more to it than a wedding if you read. It’s about mental and physical health as well as bringing a child into a healthy family environment. I’d rather be a good healthy mum to my children than a mentally unstable one who can’t protect them from toxic environments.

 

[numbers511to31]

@unsuret Don’t make any decisions out of fear. Ultimately it’s your body and if your fiancé is as supportive as you say then hopefully you will work through this together whichever decision you make. It’s ok to want to have fun and regret missing out on all of those things if you stay pregnant. If you do decide to terminate and get pregnant again in a year or so you will go through these same feelings of the fear of missing out and everything you’re feeling now. You either go through it now or later. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing but it is scary no matter how ready and prepared you think you are.

 

[peppapixl]

@unsuret Don’t listen to those who are straight up saying to keep or get rid of it. Only you can make that decision. Do what’s best for you!