Just pulled my daughter out of ballet lessons and feel so bad about it

N

ncarr1296

New member
Very grateful theres are rant flare right now! Thanks to all who read this.

So my daughter G started ballet about a month or two back and she has LOVED it! At the moment we are in lockdown (New Zealand) so its been taken online. Now, as a PC enthusiast (PC Master Race!!) I've been watching the Zoom stuff unfold for a while now seeing if it would blow up or not. Now with quite a few companys/schools/govts banning its use I felt it prudent to contact the owner of the dance school as they have been using Zoom for the kids. I addressed specific technical concerns and was polite about it. What I got in response was very short so I enquired further (specifics like ETEE and root access stuff) and the response I got was rather rude - Note this happened over FB messenger as the studio has multiple pages and the owner is an admin and often addresses concerns on there

"With respect why the fuck are you contacting me about it if you have an issue with the zoom don’t use it I have done my research I realise the issues and I’ve had no issues I have other avenues to do our online classes if we need to move to that. I did not react out of fear I’m not that stupid so please unless you’ve got something constructive to have a conversation about don’t contact me"

I didn't respond to that and then later I got this message -

"Sorry I didn’t realise you might have have been a parent of the studio, I guess that’s why we have our admin email. The number of random emails and Facebook messages I am getting from other New Zealand studios and international is ridiculous right now and it’s all getting a bit much. And quite frankly everyone is just overreacting to the smallest things and I’m quite over it I apologise for my message above but I still standby the fact that we are using zoom because it’s the only Avenue we have right now we do of course have other avenuesIf we have to use them but zoom still remains the best and as I said we have not had an issue and I also have not had any other New Zealand teacher flag and issue it is as I am concerned a total overreaction like nearly everything else is at this point in time"

By this point i had already decided to pull my daughter out of the studio, even if she didn't realise I was a parent that's a really b*tchy answer to someone. Because she mentioned the admin email I emailed a "formal withdrawal" to them, only shitty thing i mentioned was I didnt want my daughter being cared for by someone with anger management issues. if it weren't for my daughter i wouldn't give a F, but I feel so bad shes going to lose the one contact she had with kids her age for the next (minimum) 2 weeks. Her dad reckons I should have slept on it. Ive been recommended another dance school so will contact them after the lockdown, but would you guys have done the same or different?

TLDR: Pulled kid out of ballet because studio owner was rude when I contacted her via FB (as shes admin on the studio pages) regarding concerns about Zoom. Feel like shit cause daughter now loses out on ballet which is only contact with other kids for next 2 weeks minimum (lockdown). Ex says should have slept on it. Did i do the wrong thing?
 
@ncarr1296 I think your actions are totally warranted. Maybe you don’t feel great about possibly being reactionary on an emotional level, but your actions still seem on point to me. You can give yourself a pass on this one.

I think we can all get a pass on some stuff as it’s a stressful time for everyone. But the teacher was WAY out of line with that nasty response so you’re right not to want your kid in that person’s care.
 
@jeromecoates I think that might be it, reacting on an emotional level. I prefer to be level-headed and analytical about things but when it comes to G it seems almost impossible lol.

Thanks for saying my actions are warranted, wasn't the easiest choice to make as her class is meant to be this afternoon (is 2am Saturday atm) and the instructor is amazing, but I wanted to avoid leaving it longer and possibly overthinking it (that's happening anyway though!) especially with all the stress atm.

I was very surprised at her response o.o I doubt I'm the only parent questioning her though
 
@ncarr1296 You did the right thing. There will be other ballet schools and opportunities.

If my son's scout leader or football coach spoke to me like that, I'd have pulled the plug instantly.
 
@katrina2017 Thanks :) its good to hear it from other parents. I've been recommended another school so going to contact them after the lockdown. Im fortunate I haven't had this happen before, but talk about the worst timing!
 
@ncarr1296 Absolutely you did the RIGHT thing. It's unlikely she'd be that overt with students, but that kind of attitude can filter right through the whole business.
 
@david7818 Yeah thats my concern, even though shes not my daughters teacher - I mentioned it to a friend of mine and he mentioned his kid has a friend whos mum owns a ballet school in town and they arent kind to their own kid (body shaming, not good enough etc) so he's going to ask her if its the same person. Curious to hear what the answer is
 
@ncarr1296 Don’t feel bad, feel proud for not accepting that kind of treatment, it was totally unprofessional, that person would probably speak to the students that way and get angry with them. In my experience with my daughters dance lessons when she was young, I encountered some very self centred, rude, unprofessional teachers and business owners.
 
@katrina2017 Yeah its taken me a long time to learn to not take shit like that, so it still seeps through sometimes if i did the right thing or not or if i should have been more lenient. Wow, that sucks, my daughters only 4 so I hope I dont meet more of the same ilk
 
@ncarr1296 I just wanted to encourage you that you would mostly likely have made the same decision if you had "slept on it". That was an extreme message. You acted protectively for your child and made the best decision you could at the time. Well done.
 
@katrina2017 Pretty much just tech stuff and asking if she had looked into it

Me: Hey, M, regarding the online lessons - have you guys considered using something other than Zoom until they address the glaring security and privacy issues the platforms been found to have? Been hearing about it through various PC/Gamer circles and the information has not been good (claiming calls are encrypted when they arent, company, education and senate bans, lawsuits, investigations etc)

M: We have had no issues with them whatsoever and I continue using it I have no concerns we are using passwords

Me: with all respect, have you looked into it? These are deep flaws that compromise privacy and security, even if no issues appear on the surface - even with a password its not as secure as other platforms. As far as the permissions associated with iOS and Windows, it abuses certain parts of a computers operating system to gain whats called root access which is far deeper than it needs to go (essentially allowing control/access of most areas of a computer). it doesnt use End-to-end encryption for video calls (which frankly, it should) and the company has been caught out sharing data with 3rd parties (not selling, but sharing - a sneaky ommision in their T&Cs that still allows them to monetize user data) Basically, until its fixed, its dodgy. They never thought it would be used on such a scale and therefore didnt bother programming it properly. Please at least research it, just cause its easy to use, doesnt mean its good, especially where children are invovled as some Education ministries and schools worldwide are discovering.

and then i got the responses i posted here
 
@ncarr1296 You did the right thing.

How do they treat kids that mess up a move during practice or a performance if this is how they respond just to a question, and a warranted question at that? I would've done the same, I think you and G dodged a bullet here.
 
@jesusislord7 Should be able to once the lockdown lifts, frustrating thing is I think I will still have to pay some fees and there's a minimum withdrawal notice time period of a term or something
 
@ncarr1296 First of all I think you are the parent and you have to be respected. Also there should be a certain general respect to your style of communication because any one of those people contacting you could be future or current customers.

I think this whole situation is not making anybody easier to deal with especially will all the pressures with the business side of these hobby schools.

I am kind of in the same boat. Had to stop paying my monthly dues because my daughter just did not adapt well to virtual taekwondo classes. She loves going to the studio and being in person, but just does not get what she needs out of the virtual stuff.
 
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