Just overwhelmed. Send help

[cpoland050914]

I love being a mom to my baby boy but I really would love to not have as many responsibilities that entails with the single parent title. Like how do y’all get time to clean your house? I try with my son and he destroys a different area. Note: he’s only gonna be 2 in September. I have no motivation to do basic things including my dishes, wiping down surfaces, mopping, picking up his toys, putting the laundry away or even doing the laundry. I know I’m depressed but we just lost our insurance this month and I’ve been working to find something that would be good and a decent price because 300$ insurance? No. I haven’t been handling my stress well and have been yelling more which stresses me out more because I don’t want to become my parents. Note: they sucked. I just want to cry all the time but nothing ever comes out when I try. I just stare off into the distance zones out. It’s not his fault, and I don’t want him to internalize my lack of being able to cope. I’ve asked people around to help get my apartment cleaned or asked for them to watch my son so I can clean it but it falls on deaf ears. And all I get back is being ignored then asked “well did you ever finish cleaning”. No I didn’t. Because I need help. Like I asked for. I also know it’s not anyone’s responsibility but mine to handle what I have but damn, if you see someone drowning would you not help them, Even though it’s their responsibility to know how to swim? Things happen and I believe it’s really time for me to find better people to surround myself with. Ones that actually care about my wellbeing and my son’s wellbeing.

 

[wantingtobehis]

@cpoland050914 I made my boys go to bed by 7pm when they were that little and that’s when I cleaned my house. Now they are teenagers and I make them help. There’s nothing wrong with sending him to bed early and taking a break. He’s 2. He needs more sleep than adults / older children and you need time to do what you need to do.

 

[cpoland050914]

@wantingtobehis I guess it doesn’t really help that he co-sleeps with me and we don’t get home till about 8pm. Then I have to do dinner and bath time before he goes to bed hopefully before 10pm if we are lucky. By then I’m exhausted.

 

[wantingtobehis]

@cpoland050914 That makes it very hard. 2 year olds are a lot of work for sure. Focus on what matters. If you can keep up with the dishes , and make the garbage gets out don’t worry so much about the rest. Who cares if beds are made. Bathroom will survive being cleaned once a week. Laundry as much as you can. Don’t stress about the rest Just keep the bugs out and the dishes clean. Don’t worry so much about the rest. Your home doesn’t have to be perfect.

 

[sidah]

@wantingtobehis Lol mine were sometimes sent to bed at 6:30 bc I couldn't take a minute longer....

 

[wantingtobehis]

@sidah I had days like that too. You have to do what you have to do. We are no good to them if we don’t look after ourselves

 

[cpoland050914]

@wantingtobehis Yeah I feel the being spent but we don’t get home till about 8pm.

 

[katothewolf]

@cpoland050914 I’m in a similar boat as far as my schedule. It’s not realistic for bed time to be 7pm because I’m usually still in class and she won’t sleep unless I’m also about to lay down.

BUT I’ll say this… don’t stress about your house being clean. Work small things into your routine. Like when I wash my face, I might clean my counter too. Etc etc. I don’t stress about my house being clean everyday. I know when I have the energy, I’ll do it. And I do.

I also know my daughter will be 5 one day and at that point I’ll have more time and space to clean because she’ll be able to clean up after herself or give me space.

So idk just remember ITS TEMPORARY and do what makes YOU feel good. If you can’t clean today, don’t. But if you have 10 minutes to do the dishes when you wash your hands, work it in.

Good luck because being a single mom is so hard. We are real life super heroes!

 

[cpoland050914]

@katothewolf Thank you. It’s hard to tell myself this sometimes because I feel like people judge me if it’s not perfect or I’m not something as much as a superhero. My son tries to help like vacuuming or mopping and sweeping. I love that he tries but sometimes it makes more of a mess. I try really hard to not lose it but sometimes it just bursts out and I can’t control myself. Then I apologize to him letting him know it’s not his fault. But I still always feel guilty about it all

 

[babatunde]

@cpoland050914 Im also a single mom, and the time i found to cook/clean was when she was either napping or after she went to bed i also work a full time job on top of everything and yes i hear you it does feel exactly like drowning i dealt with the depression as well, i would also try and involve my child is as many activities that i did such as cooking or cleaning i would let her smell spices and pick which ones or id give her the broom and let her sweep (try anyways lol) or i would give her her own task to complete whether it got done or not wasnt the important but at that point, just getting a break to breathe and refocus. I also struggled with yelling and for me what helped me personally was before i would snap i would walk away then come back however sometimes thats not ideal so when i do snap and yell at her i always make sure to come back and sit with her after ive calmed down and apoligize and explain why i was yelling and tell her i love her i also try and ask her why she did something first before just snapping on her that way it starts a conversation and it helps her understand more about why her actions were wrong instead of instant reprimand. Good luck momma its hard but always worth it

 

[sallama]

@cpoland050914 I get so frustrated with the mess of the house, I try to tidy along the way and just do little bits often. My house doesn’t look like it used to, however I’m trying to remind myself that I am alone with children and I’d rather make those memories and bond with them rather than become stressed about the mess. But I 100% know this is difficult as I often become overwhelmed with the untidiness x

 

[eucharistianchaplin]

@cpoland050914 You definitely can send him to bed early and Pick 1 chore a night to clean or to just take a break. Just remember to go chill out when you work yourself up and I definitely had to do the same thing at times… Good Luck

 

[neari]

@cpoland050914 I don't really have advice as I am also depressed and struggle to keep up with even the smallest chores. The other day I realized there had been 4 empty TP rolls on the floor in the bathroom for quite some time. I acknowledged it, but still didn't pick them up until the next day. Makes no sense, right? Doesn't have to. It's depression.

So I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. I like people's advice about early bedtime or picking a chore a day.

I'll do one with you tonight. Should we do dishes? Sweep? ( I'm definitely not folding laundry because that's too big of a task lol)

 

[danseeker1]

@cpoland050914 First off, take a breath. Being a single mom (or dad) is tough. Give yourself some credit. Your child is healthy and happy. You are doing a great job. It’s ok to get depressed or frustrated or even angry at times; you’re human! Try asking your friends for a respite hour or two. Have one of them take your child for a walk while you clean half of the time and relax the other half. Toddlers are messy. My gosh they are messy. You have to learn to accept that it’s gonna be a bit messy for a bit. There is no reasoning with toddlers (trust me). I would set down rules at a young age and stick to them. For toddlers, they are just learning their boundaries and how you react to behaviors. Please do not be too hard on yourself. I have 2 boys, now 17 and 20. I was 20 when I had my oldest. Being a single parent is tough. But my boys are happy, healthy, smart and all around decent humans and I did that. You can do this. It’s ok to ask for help. If you don’t like the people in your life now, they aren’t supporting you the way you need, find some new people. Join a mom group. Investigate different programs for parents. Ask your friends for help. It’s ok to take care of you. Stand strong

 

[cpoland050914]

@danseeker1 Thank you. I know toddlers are messy and people don’t believe me that my son can make it MESSY in my small one bed apartment. It’s gross to my standards but probably normal to others. I have been trying to get into a mom group and or get friends that are cool with my little one. Cause the current “friends” I have don’t help when I ask which isn’t often like maybe once every 3-4 months.

 

[living2bme]

@cpoland050914 My toddler is 3.5 and I feel the same way, so I brought paper plates, plastic spoons, forks and cups to cut back on the dishes.. to pick up stuff off the floor I use this reacher grabber tool so I don’t have to bend down and I put it on the couch to get it off the floor for mopping do you have a swifter u can use that in between moppings set a timer only do 5 /10 mins or less of cleaning a day

 

[zelna]

@cpoland050914 I think you have to accept on some level there will always be a little bit of chaos on your life. Ignore the dishes and connect with your kid. It goes by fast. Get him to help you. Make a game of it.

 

[vergel]

@cpoland050914 I meal prep, which helps with evening routines. I also schedule cleaning throughout the week and have strict bedtime routines.

Suggestions: get a toddler bed and start to sleep train. You can get them for less than $100 new, maybe free on Facebook. It’s a time and monetary investment, but worth it.

Schedule various rooms to clean within a week and stick to it.

Cook enough on Sunday for 2-3 days at least( baked drumsticks, etc and steam fresh veggies) and plan out meals so you can cook another 2-3 days of meals on Wednesday. On Wednesday, don’t schedule a cleaning task.

Start a strong, firm bedtime routine-8 pm-8:30 pm dinner; 8:30-9 pm bathtime; 9-9:30 pm book and bed. 9:30-10 clean a room; 10-10:30 “Me time”

Put up picture routines for your child to start to work on cleaning together and other mommy and me tasks.

If your toddler wakes up later, you could wake up a smidge before him/her/they and devote that to time to you.

 

[katrina2017]

@cpoland050914 I know this is an old post OP but I just wanted to say you're not alone. I've recently become a single mum of 4 and depression has hit me really badly the last few weeks, I'm constantly feeling overwhelmed about everything that's now solely on my shoulders, I also don't have much support and the rare times I do have alone are taken up by cleaning, appointments for one of my kids or something else so downtime doesn't exist.

With housework I've found just picking one thing I want to get done and working on that really helpful, I have adhd so things get chaotic really fast. But if I try make sure my dishes are done, necessary clothes are washed then it helps. I have a clean clothes basket and just get stuff out of that, I don't have the mental energy to sit and fold and then put it away so I've stopped putting that pressure on myself now.