If you could turn back time, would you still have a child?
- Thread starter fudge
- Start date
@fudge No. I'd have forced the issue of getting my hysterectomy the first time I had cancer. Then I'd not be looking at possible metastatic cancer due to getting it done too late and additional endometrial growth that is at best adhesions and at worst tumors. I now have to face maybe leaving my child without a mother before he starts school. I can't even get in to biopsy the masses because of covid so I sit in pain and wait. And wait and worry.
@upbuild I know how you feel and I'm so sorry. I had a giant tumor removed in 2018. I found out in September 2021 that I have 3 new tumors. They couldn't remove the tumors this time and I start chemo and radiation on Monday. Trying to arrange my life to prepare for the worst outcome is depressing. I wish I could see my toddler graduate school, get married, and maybe have kids of her own, but I know it's unlikely. I am still glad I had my little girl because I know she makes other people's lives better too. I pray she can be happy even when I'm gone.
@fudge I think covid changed a lot for me. Because I realized that with covid, my government would be fine letting me die and my family rather than trying to mitigate the problem. Which brings up climate change. I was always a bit of a doomer, but was hopeful that “they” would fix it because they would have to for the species to survive. Yeah, now living through covid I’m not hopeful at all.
I feel like I’ve doomed my child. I’m trying to give him a great childhood, but it’s very difficult with covid. My spouse and I get easily stressed/depressed. I cry a lot. My son notices.
So if I could go back? I love him and glad that he is here, I just wish he’d have a better life. It’s not fair for him. And that’s really hard.
I feel like I’ve doomed my child. I’m trying to give him a great childhood, but it’s very difficult with covid. My spouse and I get easily stressed/depressed. I cry a lot. My son notices.
So if I could go back? I love him and glad that he is here, I just wish he’d have a better life. It’s not fair for him. And that’s really hard.
inhimbyhim
New member
@enaga Exactly this. The pandemic hit right after he turned two. That’s half his life experiences wasted. So much development that was stunted. I’m anxious, paranoid, tired and sad all the time. I love him so much but it’s hard not to feel like he is being cheated out of what SHOULD be an incredible life. He’s our one and only, and a huge part of that was knowing we could give him everything if he was our only, and now it feels like we can’t give him any of the things we planned on.
primuspilus
New member
@enaga Yeah, same. I love being a mom but I'm very worried about the world I brought my almost 4 year old into. Half her life has been spent in a deadly pandemic with no sign of true normalcy in sight, and her adulthood is likely going to be significantly impacted by climate change, other pandemics and who knows what else. It's scary and some days I'm very envious of my 70-something parents who have already lived very complete lives and almost certainly won't be around in 20 years.
@primuspilus Thank you all in this sub-thread for speaking the truth. I want to hang out with you all and talk more. Feels honest.
@enaga I’m with you on this. I don’t have a child yet, and the pandemic has postponed this for me, and has me rethinking (again) after seeing how much parents are struggling, how little is given to support children and mothers (I’m in the us), and yea, climate change. I have a hard time not going to a dark place, and am worried this will only increase with a baby, and what a child may have to deal with. But still, I want to be a mom. I feel pretty certain about that, so it’s to process all these other conflicting emotions / variables.
primuspilus
New member
@frodofan The way we've treated kids and working mothers in this pandemic is abhorrent. We've all collectively accepted that our kids are going to get this virus that may impose lifelong health challenges on a significant number of survivors AND they're going to to suffer terrible disruptions to their school, activities and social lives for going on three years and counting. Ideally we would have avoided both, but at a minimum, it should have been one or the other. There's no justification for sacrificing both their physical health and their education/mental health. And there's no support for working moms who are regularly finding themselves without any childcare for 1-2 weeks because they were a close contact (I say on day 4 of a 14 day classroom closure b/c of exposure, the second since Thanksgiving...and I know we're doing better than most.)
reggie1955
New member
mountainguardian
New member
@enaga It's hard to think about. Some days I just feel I made a little clone who will try to have a better life than I had... a little super mario in the top corner of the screen when a turtle shell finally gets me. But the levels also are getting harder and I just made more wood for the fire. Some days he gives me hope that his generation will finally let the planet heal itself and they will not have bullies in school- but after watching "don't look up" I have again lost hope. I will try and learn and teach him to live every day like the scientist's family had dinner at the end of the movie.
jeremiah17
New member
@enaga My spouse still wants another, and I just don’t get how. I love my LO to pieces, but if the pandemic had happened before we had her I wouldn’t have had a kid. I’ve lost pretty much all of my faith in society’s support for families, and Im immensely grateful that our parents were able and willing to help us through this. And climate change always had me concerned, but increased occurrence of extreme and unusual weather events had gotten me scared.
jameslaurich
New member
@fudge I was only able to find strength inside me that I didn’t know I had when I was pushed to my breaking point as a result of having a child. The challenges magnified all my cracks and made it impossible to do anything except address and heal them because there’s an innocent little girl who depends on me. Pain is the touchstone of growth, so if my goal in life were to avoid all pain and suffering, no way would I have a kid. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But as it turns out, my goal in life is to be the best version of myself and that could only be done by walking through hell to find it. How boring would my time here be otherwise. I hope my daughter has courage to face difficult situations and walk through them for the glory that can be found on the other side, and I pray I’m setting a good example.