I now know what a blighted ovum is…

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dennondeo

New member
Went in yesterday at 7w2 and had my first ultrasound and I’m in shock. I’m so annoyed with myself. I should have been more prepared for this. We were so naive and never expected there to just be…nothing. I knew to not get my hopes up and MC are very common, but never thought I’d know BEFORE I would have a MC. Grateful my husband was there with me so I didn’t have to explain it to him, because I didn’t understand what was happening until I came home and started googling. OB didn’t explain it at all.

Now I need to wait 2 weeks to go back. OB said it could just be early because my last period was really weird. However, I just know it’s bad news. Last period started Oct 12, LH peak on Oct 25, first positive on Nov 7.

I have so many feelings. It’s only been 15 hours and the waiting is already torture. Beyond that, we have a 3.5 week trip planned to New Zealand for my sister’s wedding. Next appointment is Dec 15 with flight out on Dec 17. Can’t move it earlier because OB has to wait that long to confirm BO. Just…f. This sucks. I don’t even know how to explain how I’m feeling.

Update 12/7: Unfortunately, not a happy update. Asked for HCG to get measured and only saw a 16% increase in 48hrs (~33500-39000). OB called to discuss moving D&C sooner so can increase recovery time before trip out of the country. Sad, disappointed, but also relieved I got an answer. The waiting was torture. Will do another scan before procedure to confirm but at this point she is confident it is a nonviable pregnancy. Wish everyone luck who stumbles upon this post in the future.
 
@dennondeo I went through the same thing with my first pregnancy. I knew miscarriages could happen, but I didn't realize they could happen silently like that.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Just know it was still a loss and you're still allowed to grieve. I struggled with that because of all the "at least there was never a baby" lines people loved to give.
 
@mike9lite thanks so much. This is my first pregnancy as well. When the OB said “There’s nothing there. Sit up and let me explain what next steps are” my gut reaction was to say “I’m sorry I wasted your time. I swear I thought I was pregnant.” I felt like I should have known based on how nonchalant she was that it was an early miscarriage. She was also like “I’m cautiously optimistic” which I think is BS now that I’ve read into it. I would have preferred a real conversation rather than meeting her in the hallway after getting dressed and her just saying “you’re booked for 11:30 on Dec 15” and walking away.

Gah. So many feelings. I’m disappointed in myself for being excited in the first place. I’m disappointed that the OB was so excited and we talked for 45-min before the scan about my plan. I wish they just did the scan first. Rather than hyping it up to end in disappointment and awkwardness. Idk if the OB was thinking “oh shit. I was way too excited. This is awful and I don’t want to say that today. So let’s just push it off 14 days.” So brutal.
 
@dennondeo I had a sort of similar experience with the optimism before the scan. I was measuring over a week behind where I should have been based on me knowing my ovulation date. After that scan, I sat with an NP for like an hour going through everything, from getting 1st trimester appts on the books, to questions about tests/appointments for the rest of the pregnancy, to delivery questions, to things to register with the hospital for, and even postpartum things. Not even an INKLING that something could be/was wrong. My google rabbit hole that night prepared me for the worst.

Then a week later, the pregnancy was confirmed to be nonviable. I wish I could have waited until that second scan to confirm viability to discuss literally ANY of the things we spoke about that first week. It broke me SO much more when the MMC was confirmed.

I finally told my OB when I had my annual appt last week, and she was like oh well I know so & so is just a very positive person, and she probably didn’t want to worry you with bad news in case you had your dating wrong. I said I repeated to the US tech and the NP multiple times that I knew when I ovulated so I should be this far along, but it kept getting brushed off. Ripping the bandaid on potential bad news would have been so much better that what actually went down. She said she’d speak to the NP about it, and when I get pregnant again, I’m going to request all of my appointments with her other NP or the OB herself.
 
@frncsca A similar thing happened to me during my first pregnancy when I lived in Germany. My first scan was at 7w3d. Only a GS and a yolk sac was seen, but the OB didn't tell me that wasn't normal, and I didn't know any better myself. They sent me home with all the "welcome, new mom" stuff, and I went about my life thinking I was pregnant.

My next appointment was at 10 weeks, and there was nothing on the scan but a gestational sac. At that point, the OB told me "well, it looks like the little one didn't grow," didn't elaborate at all on what that meant, and told me I'd need a D&C. When I asked for clarification, she sent me away. I miscarried at home a week and a half later.

Looking back, I remember her wording things strangely during my first scan....instead of saying, "There's the baby/embryo/etc.," she said, "There's the pregnancy." It struck me as odd, but I figured at the time that it was just a consequence of us not communicating in my native language. I believe she knew the whole time my pregnancy wasn't viable and still chose to send me home knowing I'd been following along with the "which size fruit is your baby this week?" chart they gave me and stuff. Maybe her heart was in the right place (not wanting to upset me), but I found it extremely cruel.
 
@mike9lite Currently dealing with something similar. I was so just sad. I don’t know what I mean. Positive pregnancy test should’ve been 5/6 weeks along and then nothing after moving to Germany for them to say no not a baby. I know if wishes were fishes, but was supposed to be our second and last baby. Heart just hurts right now.
 
@frncsca This. Exactly this. Hearing “I’m cautiously optimistic” and providing me no context beyond “potential miscarriage” was the worst. Left me with the need to google it myself in which I learned so much, and confirmed that it is VERY unlikely to be a viable pregnancy.

My OB is very young, likely her first job (or close to her first) so I’m trying to think about what I want to say to her. I know everyone reacts differently, so what she did for me may be what someone else would have wanted…but I still want to say something.

Of course, I think I have chosen to focus on this particular thing because there is nothing else I can do but wait. Still having pregnancy symptoms is the worst part. Constant reminder. I’m so overwhelmed.
 
@dennondeo From what I’ve read, there is fairly high standards to confirm a miscarriage. As there are many stories where they were told they were miscarrying and then went on to have a viable pregnancy.

I had a similar experience, and all the testing and waiting, holding on to hope to get it confirmed was excruciating, but I understand why they do it.
 
@dennondeo I'm so sorry your going thru this. This sounds super similar to what happened to me this exact same time last year. I never knew a blighted ovum or a missed misscariage was a thing. I felt so stupid telling my close friends at work, I even quit my job planning to be a stay at home mom because I had to go off a lot of my mental health meds which was affecting me being able to do my job. Literally a week after I quit I found out it was a blighted ovum. We had an early scan at 6 weeks and everything looked perfect. OB said by the next scan at 7 weeks we should hear a heartbeat. Only to be greeted at the 7 week scan with absolute silence. Ontop of all of that the US tech we had (different one from the first time) was so rude and insensitive. She was super quick and simply said "there's nothing there, just a sac" couldn't even bother to say I'm sorry. I actually went for a second opinion and had that doctor preform my D&C and actively avoided my OB's office for a year (despite me loving my actual OB) because of that tec. I went back to the office this year because the two OB's I had seen had no interest in helping me get pregnant (I have PCOS so i don't ovulate without perscribed clomid or letrozole) I had a chemical pregnancy on letrozole the very first cycle back after my D&C, the OB actually gave off the vibe that she was GLAD it wasn't viable bcs she thought i was "too young" (i'm 26 and married) going back to mt original OB I was clear with the office that I absolutely did not want to ever be scanned by the US tech that diagnosed my blighted ovum. I saw her in the office the other week and my body almost completely froze up. Thank God my husband was there. The whole experince was god awful. I never had to have general anesthesia or surgery before my D&C so that was terrifying on its own. And then they didn't even remove everything and I was bleeding non stop for two weeks until they figured out I still had left over products of conception and had to do an in office D&C with no sort of pain meds or anesthesia. It was so beyond painful I'm just glad my husband was there. Then the doctor proceeded to try to push me to get an IUD because i was "still so young and should probably lose weight before considering getting pregnant again"

TL;DR I had a similar experince to you and I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy. I'm so soooo sorry you have to go thru this. Hugs 🫂 I'm also praying for you ❤️ remember you are not alone 💓
 
@viettransdt Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry to hear of your experience. How awful and insensitive of the tech. I can only imagine how you must have felt and continued to feel since then. Sending positive thoughts and hugs your way.
 
@dennondeo Same, first pregnancy was super uneventful and completely normal, never any bad news, every scan was normal, then after a few years decided to try again and now I’m on my second miscarriage back to back, left me in shock and heartbroken.
 
@dennondeo I'm sorry that you're going through this. Just want to offer the possibility that your doctor will shorten the timeframe a bit if you push. When I had my MMC, I was very confident about my dates (regular cycles, OPKs, early positives on HPTs, no spotting or bleeding since the positives). Yet my doctor initially insisted on a follow-up scan in 14 days, until I asked (repeatedly and firmly) for an earlier follow-up. So I got my second scan 11 days later, which confirmed nonviability beyond any doubt. With such an important trip planned, even a few days less waiting could be helpful to you too. All the best.
 
@zogy101 Thank you so much. I asked for this yesterday and they added a scan at 11 days. OB said they wouldn’t be able to diagnose until the 14 days, but I’ll know at that point and will be able to make an informed decision.

I wish they explained what the dates meant, what to expect from here, and that there is nothing I could have done. I’ve had to unfortunately learn from the internet and Reddit, which is a nice resource, but not the way I want to learn what is actually going on.
 
@dennondeo It’s so infuriating how much our healthcare providers take for granted that we know about this stuff and give little to no information- it’s just another day at the office for them.

I had a MMC in my first and only pregnancy so far, and I had NO clue what that was, or how bad it was to be over a week behind at my first ultrasound, given I knew my ovulation date (which no one would listen to me about!). Everyone assumes you know these things and what everything means, but that is such a garbage assumption- this being my first pregnancy, WHY would I know that kind of stuff when I’m not a healthcare professional?!?!?

I didn’t have any questions because I didn’t even know what I didn’t know at that point, so I had no clue what to ask!
 
@frncsca This. 100%. My OB asked us twice if we had any questions. But it’s impossible to know what questions to ask when you don’t even know what is going on. I will be spending the next 2 weeks writing out what I want to say to her so she’s able to help someone in the future. She is brand new so I’m hoping she’s open to hearing me out. That and it gives me something to think about other than the BO.

I understand that they likely don’t want to cause alarm, but she completely under-sold my scenario. I would have preferred to have a worst-case scenario conversation rather than having to learn on my own. That is their job.
 
@dennondeo Ugh I so wish you had more clarity on the situation I know the wait is so difficult when everything is up in the air. I truly hope you have the best possible outcome but in case you don’t, just prepare yourself to possibly cancel some plans. Or push them out a week or so. I went thru it myself and I didn’t have a great outcome. My body did everything it needed to do naturally and it was a 2 week process for me and besides the emotional rollercoaster, there was some physical pain as well and I had to take time off work. Sometimes things don’t go as they should and we will never understand why. 🥺
 
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