I need some advice

A

angouleme1

New member
So I recently found out I’m about 6-8weeks pregnant. I’ve told my parents and a few close friends as this is my first child.
One of my close mates, let’s call her A, has been very excited for my bab. This is, obviously, normal and somewhat appreciated. However, A has been way too excited and I don’t know what to do.
She told me she was gonna buy is matching outfits (me, bab and her) and we’re gonna do a photo shoot when it’s born.
She asked what I want to do for my gender reveal. I want to find out at the scan and tell my family in a privet celebration… I guess. She wants to plan a big party.
She wants to be there for my baby’s birth, I’ve told her she can’t, my boyfriend will be, for obvious reasons.
She wants to buy me a heart monitor so we (me and her) can listen to babs heart beat when I’m far long enough.
She asked me if she can be babs godmother… I don’t know if I want one. If anything happens to me or my partner, bab can go to either my parents or one of my siblings.
I’ve told her that I’m in the early days and baby talk is stressing me out, I haven’t even had my first scan yet!!
It’s making me stressed and I feel less and less pregnant as she keeps going on, as it’s like she’s planning her child, not mine.
I’ve told her to back off but she keeps coming.
Anyone have any advice?
Am I horrible for not being excited anymore?
 
@angouleme1 She's obviously your close friend as you only told a handful of people. I think she is just genuinely excited for you. I think it's sweet even though it's intense! I think give it a bit of time and it'll calm down but if it's too much just tell her you're overwhelmed in pregnancy and just need her to chill. As for the godmother thing, well that's your choice but a godmother isn't legally binding in terms of being a guardian if something were to happen to you. You could legally declare whoever you want.
 
@angouleme1 I've actually had the same issue with one of my sisters actually (she has severe bpd among several other issues.) Stay strong OP. If you'd like I could shed some tips on the best way to handle this situation (from my pov of course). Some of them were hard to do, but me and my husband went to her therapists for a good month for some guidance on how to deal with her and it worked out quite well. Let me know anytime you need support! We're here for you OP!

Best wishes
 
@angouleme1 Try to remember that her need to include herself in this narrative has little to do with you, maybe nothing to do with you. As such how you feel you need to respond to protect your mental health should maybe have little to do with your relationship with her. This is your thing; your plans, your way, your excitement, and your own anxieties. I would not hesitate to tell her that and tell her if she can’t respect that then you have to not be in contact with her. There is something to consider though: is she mentally unstable? Could you, your baby, your loved ones be unsafe? If so you might have to go about further distancing yourself in a different way, but I don’t know what that would be. I do think you would be better off with a hard boundary though. Babies make people irrational so don’t be ashamed to err on the side of caution. Regardless, it doesn’t make you horrible for not being excited. The situation she’s creating makes for a ton of stress in an already stressfully situation and you are in a position where you feel like you need to fight for your relationships, your choices, and your health. No one should put you in that position and the fact that she continued after you told her to stop would make me less worried about potentially losing a friend. You may consider getting others involved if you need to, particularly if you’re close with each others families.
 
@netwaxer I don’t know how else to distance myself. I haven’t been speaking to her regularly since I told her the news. I don’t want to lose my friend but I really don’t like her implementing herself into my pregnancy
 
@angouleme1 She sounds like she has some mental health issue going on that shows as obsession with your baby. You told her to back off and she didn't, so you should cut her out more strongly - stop meeting her and talking to her completely until you know from other friends that she is in better headspace. Hopefully I am wrong but what you described remindes me of a case I read about in the past where a woman got obsessed with others baby and become violent towards her because she was deluded the baby was hers. It sounds your friend makes you uncomfortable to the point that you no longer enjoy your (very early) pregnancy - so cutting her for sometime is better for you (even if she is not actually mentally unwell).
 
@netwaxer She has got BPD, would that be an explanation for her obsession?
She just told me that she’s going to be taking a preg test herself soon… my partner thinks she’s projecting as she also wants kids.
I hate that I’m this drained this early on
Edit: I’ve barely spoken to her since making this post, she’s messaged me but nothing I have to reply to, so that’s good.
I hope she doesn’t escalate how she’s been acting towards me. Tbh, I’m scared she’s gonna accidentally announce my pregnancy before me
 
@angouleme1 Please stay safe. She is your friend normally but she is not well now and you have a duty to protect yourself and your unborn first before trying to help her. If you know she is in therapy you could try contacting her therapist and letting them know about her behaviour.
 
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