I feel so guilty

[hondahunter]

My daughter is almost 2 and things have been rough lately. I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant with number 2 and I’m struggling so bad with the guilt of not enjoying this time with my daughter. I feel like in 5 years I’m going to look back on this time and want to kick myself for not enjoying it more but it is SO HARD. Today was a particularly bad day tantrum wise. I think maybe she’s cutting her 2 year molars… I mean she’s generally very happy but yikes… I live in the Southeast U.S. and it’s so hot and humid that I struggle getting even an hour per day of outside time with my daughter. I know she’s bored from being at home, but everywhere we go is such a production, I just don’t have the energy for it and I’m uncomfortable like 50% of the time. Plus there aren’t many options of places to go with a 2 year old where I live… it’s pretty rural. At the end of the day I just cry in bed because I feel like I’m taking these days for granted. I feel like she’s having a bad time, and so am I…but I don’t know what else to do during the day. Any suggestions for pregnancy friendly toddler activities would be greatly appreciated.

 

[patjc]

@hondahunter I’m 31 weeks with a 2yo. It’s ROUGH. Show yourself some grace, because this is so hard. You don’t need to judge yourself for not enjoying these hard days. Some ideas for when you have spare energy:

Do you have a water table outside? My daughter likes hers, I let her bring out some of her animal toys (like off brand schleich) and she plays pretty independently but will occasionally show me them and I’m like yes, a tiger! I usually stick my feet in a tub of water while outside to keep myself cool.

Do you have cornstarch and food coloring? I mix like a tablespoon of cornstarch with some water and food coloring and give her paintbrushes or sponges to paint the concrete. It washes away in the rain.

Chalk! I draw shapes, numbers, letters and she likes to jump on them and I just call out what they are.

Bubbles, I let her go to town. Basically I’ve just trained myself to not care about waste or mess.

I use a ton of screen time because, I have to to stay sane. We just got my LO a magnetic dry erase board and she’s been having fun putting different animal magnets, letters, numbers on it.

I can’t think of anything else right now but I bet you are doing a better job than you think you are. And this time isn’t forever, in a good way! Soon we will have more energy to play and teach and all the other things. But for now, survival is key. Hang in there!

 

[hondahunter]

@patjc Thank you! Definitely trying the corn starch thing today! We do have a water table but I think she’s bored with it so I was debating putting sand in it instead with some little sand toys. Thanks again for the ideas.

 

[patjc]

@hondahunter Sand is a good idea too!

 

[jr54669]

@hondahunter Following this for advice because I am 35 weeks pregnant & have a 2.5 year old and have feeling the mom guilt HARD! I am so weak, exhausted, swollen and in pain CONSTANTLY. It is so hard to even stand up to cook, let alone take her on outings. The past two days we've gone to visit with friends so she could interact with kids her own age, and by the end of each outing my legs and feet were incredibly swollen and hurting, and I was honestly just grumpy and exhausted and dying from the heat (104 today for us).

I feel so horrible not being able to be the mom for her that I was even just 9 months ago. I feel like I am failing her and that these last few weeks/months I should have made more special because its the last time it will be just the two of us, but man everything feels like a chore and a hassle. Just know you're not alone, OP! It really is horrible not feeling like you're doing enough, or that you aren't able to enjoy the time with your daughter. But you have to give yourself some grace and remember you are also growing a whole entire human being right now. Being a toddler parent while pregnant is not an easy task whatsoever.

There are a couple of things though that I do with her that I try to make "special" or try to make a conscious effort to be 100% present and give her my full attention. She always tags along to pickup our grocery orders (I physically cannot grocery shop in store anymore lol) and I make a conscious effort during this time to be 100% present and we basically talk the entire car ride and sing her favorite songs together- this has honestly become one of her favorite things and she always gets excited to go, lol. I take her to our local library as well, because it is air conditioned, there are places for me to sit and rest when needed, and a great bonus is other kids for her to interact with! They also offer a "discovery time" activity for toddlers that we are going to try out next week so I hope that goes well! Other simple things I've done is taking her out to a coffee shop, or an ice cream shop and just sitting and talking and watching her observe and take in the world around us. Earlier in my pregnancy, we did a mommy and me swim class which was great especially as it helped with my insane pelvic pain, and is something I would do again even this late in pregnancy to get some relief lol (though not sure if you have this around since you live in a rural area). I also have planned one last "big" outing next week where we (my husband and I) will be taking her to an Aquarium that we haven't been to yet and we're definitely going to emphasize that this is a "super special occasion" together as a family before her little sister comes. When all else fails and I physically cannot do any of this, we pick out a movie, pop some popcorn and make some snacks and snuggle on the couch together. These moments or outings may not seem big or extravagant to us, but honestly I'm sure your daughter is just happy to be around you even if its just to pick up some groceries or sit in an ice cream shop together!

 

[hondahunter]

@jr54669 So the library sounds great but I’m worried that we will get there and she will go nuts, being loud, grabbing everything, disturbing the peace… you know general toddler stuff lol. I know there’s a kids section vs an adult section… idk maybe I’ll try to scope it out first alone.

 

[heyimeugene]

@hondahunter 31 weeks with an almost 19 month old. I can’t do it. So much screen time, I feel awful.

 

[barneyadler]

@heyimeugene Same! I’m almost 31 weeks and my son is just over 19 months. We are relying HEAVILY on the tv to get through the day. I constantly feel awful about it but idk what else to do!

 

[ambassadorofgrace]

@heyimeugene I’m a stay at home dad, 19 months is hard even without being pregnant. You’re doing great!

 

[hondahunter]

@heyimeugene Right there with ya!

 

[halogirl5]

@hondahunter This is why I stopped at two kids. Being pregnant and taking care of a toddler at the same time was a level of exhaustion I wasn't prepared for. I never again wanted to be pregnant and not being able to rest as needed. I really think that's why my son came at 35 weeks. My body was exhausted and I wasn't resting enough. Make sure you find ways to relax. I know it's easier said than done.

 

[kevvome]

@hondahunter 35weeks, very uncomfortable as well, and in the middle of a heat wave w/o AC…melting– my saving grace with my 2y/o has been going to the community pool together. It cools us both off, wears her out, and takes the pressure off my body. The only downside is actually moving to get us there!

 

[introverteen]

@hondahunter Ok don’t beat yourself up. It was definitely easier for me after my second was born than it was being pregnant. I could throw my toddler in the air for the first time, tickle him, do an art project on the floor. I finally felt like myself again. Of course some things are harder, nursing the baby and finding a quiet time and space for the baby to sleep is tricky. But overall I would take a toddler and a newborn over a toddler and pregnant any day of the freaking week.

 

[hondahunter]

@introverteen This is what I needed to read! Im hoping it’s the same for me!

 

[abortionnyc]

@hondahunter I could’ve written this just a little different. My son turned 2 at the end of May, I’m only 14 weeks pregnant but man my patience is thinnnnn. I adores him and at the end of each day I feel I’ve failed him, I feel like I’m taking these days for granted and I’m just awful at being a mom. I feel like I’m going to look back and regret not doing more but in reality I am 100% doing the best I can do for him. He is happy mostly, 2 is just a freaking hard age to be at. It’s magical, but it’s hard. No advice, just so much solidarity.

 

[lindart]

@hondahunter See if you can get out and go outside early in the day, like 8/9am, playground as much as you can, it's cooling down but not fast enough lol. Where's the 60s at lol

 

[striveforagape]

@hondahunter I’m about 10 weeks I think… (first scan today) and all these comments make me feel less bad. We’ve had quite a lot of screen time lately. We still read books, play, colour but it’s so HARD.

So tired, so so tired.

At least baby classes start again next week

 

[hondahunter]

@striveforagape Ugh… man the first trimester was rough. Honestly, probably worse than the 3rd lol. Hang in there.

 

[alearose]

@hondahunter I’m in a very similar position. I’m about 35 weeks pregnant, and my first recently turned 2. I put her into some classes (a dance class and 4 hours a week of preschool), but your little one might a bit too young; I had to look around for some that started at 2. At home I usually just sit on the couch while she plays. We have a lot of books, puzzles, stuffed animals, Montessori-type toys, etc. She likes me to play one of the animals, talk to her in the animal’s voice, and make commentary while she does other things. She also likes to color with crayons, markers, finger paints, sidewalk chalk, etc.