I f**ed up!

@poppa51 Oh I’ve done this. A mom was carrying a newborn wrong and I offered to help her fix it. I could tell she was embarrassed but got defensive and said it was intentional… I’m just hoping she checked once she got home
 
@poppa51 I had a similar situation yesterday. I’m a second time mom and met up with a first time mom in my town that I just connected with. Our babies are both 3 months, but hers is very big 17 lb. However she was wearing him facing out, and even let him fall asleep in that position. I knew it wasn’t right but I didn’t want to say anything to someone I just met but I probably should have.
 
@poppa51 I saw a dad at the zoo wearing his very young baby, who obviously couldn’t hold her hear up on her own yet, facing outward. I knew that was unsafe, but I didn’t say anything. I still think of that baby nearly a year later.

You did nothing wrong!! I wish I had done the same!
 
@poppa51 Don’t feel bad, no matter how many kids someone has doesn’t change them knowing or not knowing, after having my 6th child I was out wit my son who was about 8 months at the time, jus took him out the car to go in the store, it was a cold windy day, when another mother told me to keep his ears covered bcuz babies can get Collic from being in the cold through their ears, I never knew that even after having 6 kids, I even googled after and she was right
 
@poppa51 in 2005 I once told a mom that she had her car seat installed improperly. At the time I was married to a police officer who knew the guidelines and we went to a full class put on by the fire department. I was only trying to help, it can be really unsafe if not properly installed and in some cases be deadly, he saw the accidents and devastation. Boy was that a mistake, she yelled at me to mind my business. I won't be doing that again. To be fair if someone had told me I was doing something unsafe with my kids I would be all on board to fix it, but I guess not all moms are like me or you apparently.
 
@poppa51 There's been times that i received unsolicited advice and rejected it at the time but later on thought about it a lot and adapted a behavior. In general I'm against unsolicited advice as are most people but now and then there's a time and a place for it although someone may not like it especially in the moment. Hopefully she thought about what you said for her baby's sake.
 
@poppa51 I don’t think you did anything wrong, your intentions were good. She was probably defensive because she was embarrassed or something. Don’t let her reaction bother you.

Might I offer another approach you can try if directly doesn’t seem like the correct one? Make yourself look like the idiot. Go up & say “oh your baby is so cute! I love your wrap! I have one too, it’s my favorite way to wear my baby. I have a (brand), what kind is yours? Speaking of wraps…I was wearing it wrong one day! I realized my baby was too low & got so scared. I had to google the correct way to wear baby. Has that ever happened to you?!” & hope she picks up the bait to further the conversation or lets you show her & compare with her wearing her baby. It’s much less confrontational & lets them admit mistakes without getting defensive, because you admitted making mistakes too even if you’re telling a lie in the moment. If you think a direct approach works best, then go with that, but some people don’t take it well.

Now my own story: never place your baby’s carrier on top of the shopping cart where kids sit. Place it in the basket or sit the baby up outside of the carrier or wear them or use a stroller. The extra weight on top of the cart can cause it to tip because it’s too top heavy. It’s not safe & can also damage the car seat. Your baby could get hurt & so could you, trying to catch the baby. Those carts are heavy. I used to mention this to customers in the indirect way above, because I was a cashier & wasn’t about to anger them as I was helping them bag or scanning their stuff. I also have a cousin who responds better to “commiseration” than direct criticism. She loves when I vent about kids to her, hates when she perceives that I’m saying she’s doing something wrong with hers when I’m not. Our family compares us a lot, so she’s always hackles raised around me a bit due to that comparison. So I keep it light, vent mildly, listen to her more, & offer gentle advice to give her reassurance that she’s doing fine. Gentle is better with some people, too much & you’ll push them away.
 
@poppa51 Some people are just like this. I'm the advice person too usually in pretty much everything, and sometimes I get that reaction. It's her problem.
 
@poppa51 Idk her baby could straight up die. Like, it’s a little embarrassment vs her unstrapping a baby from her chest that’s suffocated. I don’t play with child safety, personally, I think you were in the right.

Eta: I’m assuming I triggered some people with the D word, and that’s kinda the point. If you can walk by when a child is in an unsafe position and not say anything, that’s good for you. Me personally? I’d rather give them a chance to not die.
 
@poppa51 IMO There’s a difference between unsolicited advice vs life saving advice. I know that sounds dramatic but I always think could this child potentially (for example) suffocate? Yes? I’m saying something. If they get mad that’s their feelings to process. Especially if you did it nicely with good intentions.
 
@poppa51 I saw a mom at PT who was using the Doona car seat without ever loosening the straps, she didn’t know you could. A baby died that way a few years ago so I showed her how and she was so grateful. I’d rather someone think I’m a B than kill their baby on accident.
 
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