My husband belongs to a club. I thought it would not bother me but combine that with his inability to pay attention and place importance on things at home and it's a nightmare. Already this year, he missed my birthday, our daughter's senior prom, and mothers day. The kicker is his defense is on my birthday I left before he got home. He left at 8 A.M. for work, got off work EARLY, went to handle " club business" and got home around 9 p.m. I got fed up and left around 7. He seemed VERY confused on why I was upset and crying on Mother's day. After he cut his club trip short to get home around 5 p.m.(with no gifts). This hurt more than anything else b/c I take care of the kids,run the house,pay most of the bills,and work crazy hours. So, today I told him happy father's day...and that's it. He is upset. I usually do very thoughtful gifts and have the kids participate and have a party or big dinner for Father's day. I feel like he needs to see what it's like and it was a huge weight off me to not plan a big thing. I feel like crap for doing this though... Just wanted to share, I guess.
I did nothing. I feel some justice but still shitty
- Thread starter louis2017
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- father's day 👔 moms
biblejourney
New member
@louis2017 I'm really glad you are finally matching his energy.
It's only when he understands how hurtful his behaviour is that he will change.
It's only when he understands how hurtful his behaviour is that he will change.
@biblejourney I'm not certain. He's complaining about it all and I sweetly tell him not to take it personally. I remind him of mothers day. His response was "but I sent you a text early that morning". I responded "I told you Happy father's day first thing today". There was a moment of silence where I thought it registered. Then he starts again with the complaining about not feeling appreciated. 
Tomorrow I may try again
Tomorrow I may try again@louis2017 Ask him in future would he like a text instead? Since that’s apparently completely different
justdeleteme
New member
@louis2017 The convenient thing is mother's day comes first in the year so you can put in as much effort as he does every year!
amandalynn
New member
@justdeleteme This is exactly what I do for birthday and parent days. Mine is first, And if he is a dipshit then I repeat that energy when his day comes. I like it a lot more, because if he doesn't do shite, then neither do I, but I make a plan to do something for me.
@louis2017 You shoulda been like “and I didn’t feel appreciated on Mother’s Day when all I got was a text.”
@louis2017 I also did this to my husband. He’s gotten waaaaay better about mothers days (in fact this year he really put in the effort) but I just wasn’t in the mood to for Father’s Day so I did the bare minimum he did for years. I had “intention” to do more but the plans got cancelled and there was no plan B. And since I have heard he had “intentions” every fucking special occasion for me, well now I get to use that cop out lol.
I also did this for his birthday last week.
He’s been in a funk since his birthday because of this, but maybe he will finally understand what it actually feels like when minimum though and effort goes into these special days
Don’t feel bad OP, he never did when he did it to you.
I also did this for his birthday last week.
He’s been in a funk since his birthday because of this, but maybe he will finally understand what it actually feels like when minimum though and effort goes into these special days
Don’t feel bad OP, he never did when he did it to you.
@louis2017 I'm glad he is getting what he has been giving you. What a turd. Don't feel bad. Hopefully this will open his eyes.
@louis2017 You have nothing to feel guilty about. Maybe you should have got him a fathers day card, but addressed from the club. Let's face it he is more involved with the club than his own family.
I hope this makes him reflect on his past actions. I personally don't think he deserved anything. Missing his daughters senior prom (amongst other important events) is pretty unforgivable
I hope this makes him reflect on his past actions. I personally don't think he deserved anything. Missing his daughters senior prom (amongst other important events) is pretty unforgivable
@louis2017 Don’t feel crappy. Next forget his birthday and don’t remind the kids to get him a gift. If he sulks tell you you guys need to talk. Ask him why he is sulking if he mentions you forgetting his birthday and father’s day. Let him know that that is exactly how it feels and worse when he forgets yours. You are not being petty but you want him to know that these things are effort based if he won’t put any efforts into it then your hands are already full with what you do for everyone in the family and you can all just not celebrate eachothers whats nots. Be as calm as you can possibly be, make your points clear and concise and do not show any emotions (don’t cry he will say you are manipulative and trying to be the victim) so he will know it’s not an emotionally driven decision (being petty).
front_street
New member
@louis2017 I can’t wait to hear an update. I sincerely wish you the best. I hope he really changes and become a better partner for you and your kids