I (21f) just got a kyleena iud and I’m not attracted to my boyfriend(22m). Is this a normal thing that happens?

C

charmaine93

New member
I just got an iud and I don’t really want to put in effort being around my boyfriend anymore. I just don’t care to go over to his house or have sex. We haven’t been together long and maybe it’s just the new hormones but I’m starting to get a little unattracted to him.
Are these feelings normal? Will they go away when my body gets used to the hormones? Am I now attracted to a different kind of guy because of the hormones?
 
@charmaine93 Well, it certainly can affect your libido, but if it's to the point where you don't even really care to visit/see him anymore, maybe you need to reevaluate the relationship. I had a lower libido when I first got the nexplanon implant ( I later switched to an iud) but it was never bad enough to where I didn't want to spend time with him. Even with my low libido, I still really enjoyed being around him (and still do!).
 
@micha401 This is reassuring for me because I have a low libido too but I absolutely love my boyfriend to bits and see him all the time. We just don’t have a lot of sex which for a while seemed abnormal to me but seeing your comment has really helped to settle how I’ve been feeling about the whole situation
 
@podpkid Glad to be to be of any help!

When my libido suffered I felt a little broken for a while, but my boyfriend was understanding/supportive and I still very much enjoyed his company. Not gonna say it didn't throw us through a rough patch for a bit, but despite the sucky situation it did bring us closer together! I will say birth control can definitely test a relationship for sure when these types of side effects are at play. As long as your boyfriend understands and supports you, and you still love him to bits, then I can assure you've got nothing to worry about :)
 
@podpkid Yes this is so normal! I was the same way at first too! I think if you have an understanding partner who gets what youre going through thats great! Theres also many other intimate things couples can do besides sex too :)
 
@charmaine93 There is no strong, conclusive evidence that suggest birth control can influence one’s attraction. I thought the same thing when i was on the pill the first time and was losing attraction but then I went off and still wasn’t attracted to my partner at the time so we broke up. Truly just correlation
 
@charmaine93 It can't change your attraction, but it can change your libido. So you may have a lowered libido and don't have a desire to have sex anymore. Or you could also have lost attraction. You may want to take time to think about this before doing anything rash and figure out which category you may fall into.
 
@bf1 I’m glad you said this cus every other reply seems to be just “no that’s not possible”

If the relationship is dependent on sex rn which if new stands to reason it will be, then loss of libido would ofc have a knock on effect. It was annoying seeing my partner through new none sexual eyes while on Depo & I noticed faults I wouldn’t usually, already being madly in love with him meant those faults didn’t change anything.
 
@psquared Yes! If you don't want sex, then a relationship dependant on sex will definitely suffer. I had a similar experience with my partner when I stopped taking Vienva, and my hormones were a bit wacky for a bit.

OP, if this relationship is something you think you might want to keep, maybe plan a date together? You could take the time to know more about them and decide if you want to continue it before splitting. Or who knows, you'll get to see a new side of them, and that attraction will come back! Either way, OP, what you're feeling is valid, but it would be foolhardy to make a decision before knowing where you stand.
 
@bf1 I think it’s just my hormones being so wack. I’ve been snapping on everyone and just so angry. I’m not an angry person at all. Maybe it’s also just the honeymoon phase going away? Our relationship is definitely not dependent on sex but we both enjoy it. I’ve been getting into more arguments just cuz I’ve been losing my cool and that’s been making me frustrated with our relationship. Ugh this is frustrating
 
@charmaine93 OP, I actually have very similar issues when I'm not on any birth control. It's horrible because, in my experience, in the moment you know you're being rude and ridiculous, but you can't stop yourself. Just this past weekend I blew up at my fiance, and the whole time I was mad, all I wanted to do was hug him and tell him I'm sorry. Hormone imbalances make you feel like you're being held hostage in your body sometimes.

Be honest with your social circle about what's going on. And if you feel yourself about to lose it, just say "I want to continue this conversation in a healthy and respectful manner, and I'm not able to do that right now." And remove yourself from the situation until you've come back down. Obviously, you can't get out of every bad conversation, but being open and honest about what you're feeling will protect your loved ones from being the victims of a pointless argument. Good luck, OP!

(Also, don't be afraid to speak to your healthcare provider about this. Everyone reacts differently to different medications, and they may be able to help!)
 
@charmaine93 i could have wrote this when i got on birth control (at 15 so more immature but still). i was snappy all the time and generally unpleasant to be around, and totally lost interest in my boyfriend at the time (well I still really liked him but I had NO drive at all). I think if your relationship is new, then the non-hormonally driven connection has had less time to settle in, which is why you're suddenly less interested in him. I think a lot of relationships start out at least partially hormonally driven and evolve past that given time. If you still like him and want to put in the effort but you just notice that your libido has been impacted, you can tell him. Otherwise, I don't recommend dragging him on. Obviously, his reaction to that news is also going to be telling of whether or not he values you if you can't have the intimacy you both enjoyed before. I also noticed that on birth control, what I liked also kind of changed. Parts of my body became more sensitive or less so. Might be fun to figure that out with him if you want to continue dating him!
 
@charmaine93 I got rid of my Kyleena because it destroyed my libido among other problems. I now have the copper IUD, just as effective, long term and low maintenance birth control (just heavier periods, that normalized after a couple months though) and my life is way improved. Hormones tried to kill me 🙃.
Within three weeks of it being removed a lot of the problems were already improving and two years (with one planned pregnancy) later I'm rocking my second copper IUD and none of those issues have returned.
 
@mjlavall Of course! I had weight gain and depressive symptoms - I had horrible mood swings, my husband said he didn't know who I was anymore. The hormonal rage was intense - I would scream, SCREAM and then just sob. And it didn't take very much to set me off - it was so scary. I had suicidal ideation at the worst point.
My libido was also down the drain - not ovulating was really detrimental to my hormonal wellness.
Within a few weeks of removing the IUD these all went away and never came back

I know everyone has different experiences and mine was definitely on the more intense end of the spectrum. My family doctor tried to tell me it's impossible to have systemic reactions to localized hormones - as if they know my experience better than I do. It was such a frustrating time.
 
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