How to raise a bilingual child when the parent is a non-native speaker?

[forwhatitsworth]

I’ve been reading through different posts in this sub, and I have learned so much from this community! I am first-time mom, expecting our baby boy this coming summer, and I would love any advice and feedback on how to raise our son in a bilingual environment. Here is some background information about us:

-We live in the States, so our community language is English.

-I am an American Born Chinese (ABC), with English as a first language. I am non-native Mandarin speaker and would say my language level is "conversationally fluent," but I have a heavy Americanized accent (as my Chinese friends have told me). I cannot write, but can read basic characters. I also make some grammar and tone mistakes when speaking. I have been taking weekly online Mandarin tutoring classes to improve my speaking level, but as many of you know, it's not an easy process!

-My husband is American and only speaks English. He is very supportive of our son learning Mandarin.

-My parents speak a dialect of Cantonese and do not speak Mandarin. They will likely only speak to our son in English.

I am planning to send my son to a Mandarin speaking daycare starting at around 6 months old, which will ensure he will be surrounded by native Mandarin speakers. My goal is for him to be conversationally proficient in Mandarin with correct tones and grammar and hopefully surpass my level when he is very young. So, outside of daycare, how should I go about speaking with my child in Mandarin? Here are my concerns:

-Because I am a non-native speaker, I am worried that I will not be able to bond with my son if I try the OPOL method. There are just certain words/situations/feelings that I cannot express in Mandarin and would have to ’study’ before I give birth in order for me to have full conversations. What's your advice on this?

-If I try OPOL, I am concerned that I will teach my son bad habits when it comes to Mandarin speaking especially because it’s a tonal language. (I wish I had a good foundation when I was younger!) Do you still think it’s a good idea for me to expose him to Mandarin as much as possible, even before he is 6 months old? How much exposure do you think would be necessary?

-Would it be worth it to use the “time and place” strategy and speak Mandarin only on certain days of the week or during story time / listening to songs / television? That way I can continue to speak English with him day to day, but reserve certain times of the week to speak Mandarin.

I welcome any feedback and advice for my situation! My main goal is to give my son the gift of being bilingual and I want to set him up with the best foundation possible. Many thanks in advance!

 

[aldredian]

@forwhatitsworth Please follow this blog: https://chalkacademy.com/learn-chinese-busy-parent/

The author, like you, has to relearn Mandarin to pass it on to her children. She has a lot of articles written here with tips.

Also, I would suggest your parents speak Cantonese to your children. Knowing Cantonese can make learning Mandarin easier.

My question to you is, why Mandarin and not Cantonese when Cantonese is what your parents speak?

All these Chinese languages are facing decline due to everyone focusing on Mandarin and we're losing a lot of our culture. I'm currently relearning Hokkien to pass it on (I'm lucky my parents maintained Mandarin at home). Because if I don't, it's going to be extinct.

Further, forget about whether you have pronunciation issues. Combat that with the immersion daycare which you're already doing. Combat that with lots of Mandarin play dates. Combat with listening to Mandarin nursery rhymes and TV shows.

The more you speak it at home, the more likely they will actually be able to pick up the language. If you switch to English because you're self conscious, they'll never pick it up unless you put your child in Mandarin schools full-time.

The more you use it, the better your Mandarin skills get as well.

As for the case with your parents, the other advantage with them speaking in Cantonese also means later on, they can teach your child to read Chinese. Even if it's in Cantonese pronunciation, it still helps. Once they get the concept in Cantonese, it is fairly transferable to Mandarin. It's also a nice bonding activity. Let your child bond with grandparents in ANY Chinese language, not English.

I grew up with grandparents speaking to us in Hokkien and I reply back in Mandarin. The 2 also get mixed around and I am none the wiser because they all belong to the same language group. English is too different and they're already getting enough English exposure. Up the Chinese exposure, not matter which Chinese language it is. Cantonese is also very widely spoken.

 

[lyrajane1229]

@aldredian Thank you for linking this resource!

I know the author said she only started actively teaching her kid Chinese when she was 2, in struggling to figure out the right approach.

My kid is 2 and I know the best way is to have one parent speak one language but she already speaks English and when I try to speak Chinese to her she just stares at me blankly. I don't really know what to do besides default back to English

 

[aldredian]

@lyrajane1229 So I started exposing my son to Taiwanese Hokkien and Japanese at 2. This is what I did. I will say, I'm still light touch on this.

With Japanese, I got a bunch of baby Japanese books and read them. The first time, my son was bewildered. I would read it and translate it as I go. Then read it again without translating. By that afternoon, I suppose because my son liked the books I was reading, my son actually started repeating some of the words. Now, I really haven't continued much on the Japanese front but what I've found is because my son loves books, I've found reading to him is the best way to expose and introduce him to new languages. You do have to first translate.

Hokkien, similar. My problem is, I can't read in Hokkien when I barely speak the language. I at least know enough Japanese to read to my son. So with Hokkien, I will just randomly say stuff in Hokkien, repeat in Mandarin, then say it again in Hokkien. There were many times I just stumble straight away, look up online the pronunciation, then start again. I also will pepper my speaking Mandarin to him with some Hokkien words because that's what happened in my childhood so there were a lot of words I actually learned first in Hokkien without realising.

My son definitely resisted with the Hokkien. I also asked my parents to speak some Hokkien to him. And yeah, little by little, he started to understand some. Sometimes he will copy me, especially if he thinks the word sounds funny. There was one particular incident where I said the wrong colour in Hokkien and my son corrected me using Mandarin. I was very surprised because his exposure to Hokkien was still sporadic and limited.

Several weeks back, I was trying to read a rhyme book in Hokkien. In it, there was a rhyme about his favourite dessert and he actually grabbed the book off me and pointed at the words and started trying to read it. He got me to say it first and then he repeated after me. I kind of stumbled again so I sent a video of him reading that rhyme to my parents and they sent back a recording of them saying it right through WhatsApp. I was so surprised.

There was another incident of him using the word I taught him and saying it to my mum and my mum was very surprised.

In general, I guess it's just keep speaking and be patient. It doesn't happen overnight but it will happen.

Keep going through that blog. She really does have a lot of great tips. These 2 articles would be more specific to your situation.

https://chalkacademy.com/encourage-minority-language-trilingual-family/

https://chalkacademy.com/speak-minority-language-child/

 

[forwhatitsworth]

@aldredian Thank you for suggesting this blog! It sounds like this author has a very similar experience to myself.

As for your question about my parents speaking Cantonese/Toishanhua - Unfortunately they do not live close by, so my son won't have frequent exposure to them. I can only understand this dialect, but cannot speak it myself. I added this detail in because I assumed other Redditors may think that my parents speak Mandarin and I just wanted to clarify this.

I commend you for relearning Hokkien! Best of luck on your language journey

 

[sadreamer71]

@forwhatitsworth Read that Asian Tiger mom book. She had almost the exact same setup as you (non-native and I think non-Mandarin family language), and she made it happen. There may be some hints there. Ignore all the controversy around her and look at that one chapter. It motivated me quite a bit on my own journey.

 

[forwhatitsworth]

@sadreamer71 I have read Amy Chua's book a few years ago! Hopefully it's still on my bookshelf and I can peruse that chapter - thanks for pointing that and glad it helped you on your language journey!

 

[aldredian]

@forwhatitsworth Ah, fair enough. An option for that is FaceTime daily. I've seen a couple of families do that to compensate for the distance. E.g. for grandparents to speak to their children in their language

 

[jacobtherunner]

@forwhatitsworth I think you’re in a really good position for your son to become bilingual even though your Mandarin isn’t as proficient as you would like. Because he’ll have access to Mandarin at daycare, he won’t have to fully rely on you for all of his Mandarin knowledge. For me, that would be a huge relief. And, your Mandarin will improve as you speak to him. The amazing thing is that babies have no idea if you are speaking correctly or not so it’s not as intimidating to speak to them in a language you’re not proficient in. You’ll discover new words as you’re talking with him. And, you’ll also get to practice Mandarin with proficient speakers at his daycare.

If I were you, I would try to speak Mandarin as much as you can when your baby is born. Possibly try to make it the only language you speak to your baby. Even if you happen to say some things wrong or forget the words for things, it’s okay. That’s how we learn. He can still become bilingual and learn correct Mandarin in daycare.

 

[forwhatitsworth]

@jacobtherunner

Keep going through that blog. She really does have a lot of great tips. These 2 articles would be more specific to your situation.

Thank you for the words of encouragement! I've always been embarrassed growing up that my level isn't as proficient as a native speaker, but your comment has given me a new confidence boost, and that it's okay to make mistakes! Hopefully through this process, my Mandarin will get better as well.

 

[arinola_s]

@forwhatitsworth Congrats on your pregnancy!! I hope that motherhood begins beautifully for you

I also speak to my kids in a language I don’t speak natively. My situation is different though because their father is a native speaker so we don’t do OPOL, so I can appreciate that unique difficulties in your situation. But I too make mistakes, and it is the only language I speak with them in and my eldest son (three and a half) is super verbal and we have conversations all the time.

My advice is to make sure that there is exposure to additional input from native speakers, which you are already planning to do. And as for your own language — you just have to keep working on it, which is what I do. My advice is to get lots of input. Try to commit to watching a show or movie in Mandarin as often as possible (it may help to find a time every day to work on it) in addition to using your tutor. I also carry my phone or a notebook all the time and if I notice that I’m missing a word, I write it down and look it up immediately. My experience has been that committing to speaking with my kids in a non-native language has been an amazing motivator and my language skills have improved vastly over the past three years.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

 

[forwhatitsworth]

@arinola_s Thank you for the kind words about my pregnancy - there's just so many things to consider and plan for when having a baby, and I've really found comfort and encouragement in this community

And I agree - I have such a strong desire to give my child the gift of bilingualism which has motivated me even more to hunker down and keep studying/improving my language level. Thank you for all of these tips!