How to deal with being away from your baby

[henryjoshua]

I know this question might be a little different from what people usually discuss here but for me, being a granola mom also has to do with my parenting style (more gentle, intuitive, attachment oriented approach).

And with that comes, for me, a lot of anxiety around being away from my baby. My son is 9 months old and was only babysat once by my mom for not even 2 hours. It’s very difficult for me to even think about him going to daycare occasionally or being looked after by someone else. Does anyone else feel/felt that way and what did you do to make it better?
I know it’s good for him to be around other people/kids and he’s super social and not anxious at all. I feel like I’m the one with attachment issues LOL and I think reading some of your experiences would help! Thanks

 

[puddintain]

@henryjoshua So I think you are gonna kind of need to just bite the bullet and do it. I also don't want to scare you but emergencies happen and it's so much easier to handle one if your kids are ok being away from you for a bit.

 

[henryjoshua]

@puddintain You’re right about that, hopefully I get to do it progressively but emergencies do happen

 

[westernrose]

@puddintain I had a stroke when my second baby was only 8 weeks old. I’d never really been away from my then 2 yo and obviously wasn’t planning on being in the hospital / rehab for over a month when my kids were so little.

Just chiming in to say emergencies do, in fact, happen — then it becomes more of a sink or swim situation where you’re forced to be away from them. This obviously really sucked and I remember laying in my rehab bed in what felt like physical pain bc I missed my babies so much and was so devastated to be away from them. Hopefully this won’t be most people’s experience but yeah, if I would’ve had some experiences away from my toddler beforehand I think it would’ve made a difference. Even just in knowing other people could care for him.

 

[kaitlynturner]

@henryjoshua My daughter is 18 months and I love her to death. I also practice a gentle and attached approach, but personally I couldn’t wait to get back to work/start her daycare routine.

Even though I haven’t dealt with anxiety around separation, I think what’s most important in any circumstance is to know what your top safety priorities are. For me at this age, it’s car seat safety, food safety, water access safety. If I can ensure others are educated in these major areas (like keeping bathroom doors closed/no access to toilets, what to do when a baby chokes, what a properly situated car seat looks like) then it takes a load off my brain, and I can feel like I don’t have to be with her every waking minute. I think priorities can evolve too, so it’s important for parents to stay on top of these and communicate often.

I guess my perspective is that we can’t control everything (why would we want to, so exhausting) and there will be many many times in our lives when we’re required to loosen our grip on our kids. When we can narrow down our absolute top priorities at any given stage of development, and educate others (and our kids when their old enough), it can help lessen anxiety in the long run. Just my two cents and what I try to practice.

 

[henryjoshua]

@kaitlynturner Thanks for the feedback! I like this perspective, I’m gonna think about what’s essential for me when away from my child

 

[thatsallfolks]

@henryjoshua I don’t have any advice unfortunately, but just wanted to offer solidarity. My baby is 6 months old and I hate to leave him longer than a few hours. I’ve left him for 2-3 hrs at a time several times to go to doctor’s appointments, see friends, or get my hair done, but it’s hard for me. We’re going to a wedding this weekend and will be gone from him for about 8 hours, including bath and bedtime, and I’m so anxious. He’ll be at our house with his loving grandma who we fully trust, but still.

 

[henryjoshua]

@thatsallfolks Sending lots of love your way, I’m sure he will have a wonderful time and so will you! Thank you for sharing your experience with me

 

[thatsallfolks]

@henryjoshua Thank you so much, you are so kind! Sending love your way too