How do you manage grocery requests?
- Thread starter joeawilliams123
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@joeawilliams123 Sometimes I buy what they ask for and sometimes I don’t. Often depends on whether or not their requests are on sale.
One of them likes a few things that I can get at Costco and they are healthy choices, but he’ll devour them in a day, so I’ll limit it to once a week, not every time I go.
I don’t always get things that I want either and I’m sure to let them know that. That’s just life.
One of them likes a few things that I can get at Costco and they are healthy choices, but he’ll devour them in a day, so I’ll limit it to once a week, not every time I go.
I don’t always get things that I want either and I’m sure to let them know that. That’s just life.
admiral_kang
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@joeawilliams123 Not sure I’m a typical household but I buy all my sons grocery requests, never given it much thought as we all like different things and budget isn’t an issue. I too cook from scratch 4-5 nights a week and just ask he eats those meals otherwise he can cook himself something. I try and limit the fast food but sports playing teenagers eat all the time. Sometimes I’ll send him out to buy groceries and choose his own snacks. Could she go out and buy her own extras if she drives/works? Otherwise no is a complete sentence.
joeawilliams123
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@admiral_kang I think this is hitting on part of the issue. She's 19 and neither drives nor works. She's in college and living at home. She needs wings! But she hasn't been super motivated to get it done; there are other issues (anxiety/depression/adhd). On a positive note, she's excelling in school.
admiral_kang
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@joeawilliams123 I wasn’t sure if she was 13 or 19 hence wondering if she could jump in with a Target run independently. I guess as an adult with her own tastes she wants some autonomy on what she’s eating but as the household manager it’s your call to manage the shopping and budget. Some good ideas are being posted and it’s great she’s doing well with college! Can she come shopping with you? Not exactly a dream day out I know!
joeawilliams123
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@admiral_kang She's definitely wanting autonomy but without the responsibility. This is where I think being in charge of cooking at least 1 night / week is going to be helpful, if we can make it happen. Otherwise, may be time for her to move into the dorms, also expensive, but may be a good learning experience.
admiral_kang
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@joeawilliams123 That’s a great idea, she can plan and cook a meal once a week. I ask my son for meal ideas too and will often make things he suggests even though it may not be to my taste. (I’m one of those weirdo’s that loves super healthy food) Dorms would definitely be a learning experience in every way! I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with the lack of wanting to take on any responsibility. She should recognise there is a budget to consider/food is expensive and we don’t always get everything we want.
joeawilliams123
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@admiral_kang Exactly! I guess this is where you just hold the line and wait for it to sink in... maybe...eventually. 
@joeawilliams123 I put Instacart on my teem’s phone when she complained about us being an “ingredient house” and she put a few things into the virtual cart on a few occasions but that’s it. I told her I’ve empowered you to order your own stuff and if you choose to not do it, that’s on you. I won’t allow her to complain anymore to me. She can make PB&J or oatmeal or have a bowl of cereal if she needs a snack.
Honestly I’d be happy if my kid took the initiative to ask for what she wants like yours does.I probably wouldn’t buy the ice cream or the caramel sauce though. But the semi-healthy stuff seems fine. The therapist idea seems idiotic. Not everything needs to be a negotiation. If you pay for the food, you get the final say
She also wants to Door Dash all the time. I told her she has to ask the other people in the house if they want anything before ordering and she can’t order if I’m planning to cook. And she can only once a week.
Honestly I’d be happy if my kid took the initiative to ask for what she wants like yours does.I probably wouldn’t buy the ice cream or the caramel sauce though. But the semi-healthy stuff seems fine. The therapist idea seems idiotic. Not everything needs to be a negotiation. If you pay for the food, you get the final say
She also wants to Door Dash all the time. I told her she has to ask the other people in the house if they want anything before ordering and she can’t order if I’m planning to cook. And she can only once a week.
joeawilliams123
New member
@emmer123 Instacart is an interesting thought! We don't have a subscription to any of the like, but given how busy we are, it might be a good solution.
Right! Like, why should I negotiate on this? I think what many have suggested here is not to negotiate, but instead, just give her a number of item/dollar limit.
Right! Like, why should I negotiate on this? I think what many have suggested here is not to negotiate, but instead, just give her a number of item/dollar limit.
jocelynvenus
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@joeawilliams123 Luckily my daughter only ever asks for copious amounts of fruit of all kinds so I just buy it. But, I would also buy specific junk food if she wanted it. I don't know. She's an only child, though. Maybe she's spoiled.
katrina2017
New member
@joeawilliams123 I alternate. This week she gets pizza pockets, next week she gets instant noodles etc. If one request is a meal and another is a dessert, I get both. I shop in bulk and look for sales.
Another suggestion is to make the food at home. I learned to make homemade lasagna, waffles, cinnamon buns - so I don’t buy them from the store. She can look up recipes for the things you listed and you can make them together at home (except the brie and the tea).
How old is she? Does she get an allowance?
Another suggestion is to make the food at home. I learned to make homemade lasagna, waffles, cinnamon buns - so I don’t buy them from the store. She can look up recipes for the things you listed and you can make them together at home (except the brie and the tea).
How old is she? Does she get an allowance?
joeawilliams123
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@katrina2017 I think this is a reasonable approach, and basically what I have been doing. She made a cake this week. Trying to get her to cook with me on Saturdays, but schedules are often in conflict. She's 19 and in college!
katrina2017
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@joeawilliams123 Oh if she’s 19 then I wouldn’t worry one bit! She can get a job and pay for the finest cheeses and teas
joeawilliams123
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@katrina2017 That's what I told her in not very nice terms. Not my finest moment, but the sense of entitlement/lack of help around the house is really getting to me!
marthasimons
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@joeawilliams123 I don't have a problem with a list -- that's what our daughter does. Some of the things on her list sound great -- I'm happy to buy some for the whole family. Other things on her list ... don't.
We shop quarterly, and she's got a budget that I'm willing to pay for her "not sounding great" suggestions. If she wants a whole bunch of things and exceeds her spending limit? She earns money doing yard work. She's welcome to get her own cart when we're shopping and buy (within reason) whatever she wants.
So far, we've been lucky that she hasn't gotten excessive with junk food. I could see limiting what she's allowed to purchase if she only wanted to get cake, candy, pop tarts, soda, potato chips, and marshmallows. That would get limited to a number of items (and buying the mega jumbo box with ten big bags of chips is still ten bags of chips!)
We shop quarterly, and she's got a budget that I'm willing to pay for her "not sounding great" suggestions. If she wants a whole bunch of things and exceeds her spending limit? She earns money doing yard work. She's welcome to get her own cart when we're shopping and buy (within reason) whatever she wants.
So far, we've been lucky that she hasn't gotten excessive with junk food. I could see limiting what she's allowed to purchase if she only wanted to get cake, candy, pop tarts, soda, potato chips, and marshmallows. That would get limited to a number of items (and buying the mega jumbo box with ten big bags of chips is still ten bags of chips!)
joeawilliams123
New member
@marthasimons Yeah, I basically told her she's welcome to get a job and buy all the processed crap she can afford. I was so mad at the time.
I think this is a pretty moderate approach and doesn't encourage 'food wars.' I don't know how the hell we ended up here. It's definitely not my style, but I'm also not going to be bullied into buying a bunch of expensive processed junk. A few things are fine.
I think this is a pretty moderate approach and doesn't encourage 'food wars.' I don't know how the hell we ended up here. It's definitely not my style, but I'm also not going to be bullied into buying a bunch of expensive processed junk. A few things are fine.
katrina2017
New member
@joeawilliams123 Mine got braces last week and that seems to have worked pretty well!
But at other times, he gets some say in the 2 snacks and lunch he takes to school (like he picks the fruit and the muesli bar flavour or whatever), and he chooses what he wants for 2 lunch items for the weekend, as long as it’s not candy. Anything else he has to buy himself. At first he would buy himself SO MUCH RUBBISH every single week, but the initial novelty of buying whatever he wants to eat from the shops has worn off, and now he will only indulge occasionally.
But at other times, he gets some say in the 2 snacks and lunch he takes to school (like he picks the fruit and the muesli bar flavour or whatever), and he chooses what he wants for 2 lunch items for the weekend, as long as it’s not candy. Anything else he has to buy himself. At first he would buy himself SO MUCH RUBBISH every single week, but the initial novelty of buying whatever he wants to eat from the shops has worn off, and now he will only indulge occasionally.
joeawilliams123
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@katrina2017 Now there's a solution, braces! haha. I don't think she would ever pull back on the junk.
katrina2017
New member
@joeawilliams123 Yeah mine loves the junk food! Last year his secret Santa in class asked him what to buy because she couldn’t think of anything, and he asked for candy canes. She bought him a pack of 50 from a bulk discount store. FML.