petermark0
New member
@daddyjeanom This is awesome. Do you have any write-up on this or anything? Did you create the (game, test, experiment) yourself or did you pull it from somewhere? TIA.
How do you manage grocery requests?
- Thread starter joeawilliams123
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- parenting teens
daddyjeanom
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@petermark0 I thought of my time in University and how much I learned when I was sharing an aparment for the first time, living away from my parents, and how caould I help my child realise how that feels / is before moving out.
As he is trying everything he can think of to move out being underaged, and I am responsible for his finances until he becomes 18, I exlained the "plan" to my lawyer and also to a social worker, to make sure I was not breaking any law (my sons father, who sees them few times a year and has pretty much no contact, has called social services on me a couple of times when he did not agree with how I am doing things and I feared my son will try to push me on this telling dad about it)
We did write the whole thing up, of course. After all, this is a contract, an agreement. And I tried to be as specific as possible (we all know teenagers, right= trying to find the crack on the rules to get what they want). We even specified what things we buy and share together (toilet paper, spices, cleaning products). I have had to show the "contract" a couple of times in this 7-8 months.
As he is trying everything he can think of to move out being underaged, and I am responsible for his finances until he becomes 18, I exlained the "plan" to my lawyer and also to a social worker, to make sure I was not breaking any law (my sons father, who sees them few times a year and has pretty much no contact, has called social services on me a couple of times when he did not agree with how I am doing things and I feared my son will try to push me on this telling dad about it)
We did write the whole thing up, of course. After all, this is a contract, an agreement. And I tried to be as specific as possible (we all know teenagers, right= trying to find the crack on the rules to get what they want). We even specified what things we buy and share together (toilet paper, spices, cleaning products). I have had to show the "contract" a couple of times in this 7-8 months.
@joeawilliams123 I do not think your answer is wrong. I really do not, but if I was in your home, I would gauge how much it upsets my daughter and ask myself if this is a battle worth picking. It may be or maybe not.
As far as our home — I buy my so much food including snacks that they do not ask for that much. But if they asked, I would buy almost all of that list if my kids were active, healthy weight and consuming vegetables and fruits in general. BUT our family culture is a “live to eat” sort of home, not to stereotype, but my husband is first gen Italian and his family places a high value on food, so honestly, our grocery bill is above average.
For some items, we reserve them as gifts around the holidays, and kids look forward to them, but do not really ask for them outside of those times…
As far as our home — I buy my so much food including snacks that they do not ask for that much. But if they asked, I would buy almost all of that list if my kids were active, healthy weight and consuming vegetables and fruits in general. BUT our family culture is a “live to eat” sort of home, not to stereotype, but my husband is first gen Italian and his family places a high value on food, so honestly, our grocery bill is above average.
For some items, we reserve them as gifts around the holidays, and kids look forward to them, but do not really ask for them outside of those times…
joeawilliams123
New member
@joeawilliams123 Yes, food is so dang expensive. I have not priced the frozen convenience sandwiches, but I still complain complain because my teens what things like frozen protein açaí bowls, Naked Smoothie juices, and copious amounts of frozen fruit and protein powder for homemade smoothies and Body Armor for practice. But I buy it, this too shall pass.
joeawilliams123
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marjihealing
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@joeawilliams123 Hang in there. I have two teenagers who do that too. I’ve been able to set a boundary that I will not food with ingredients that are straight up unhealthy - like trans fats and high sodium/caffeine/sugar. We have junk food, but I try to also balance that with lots of easy grab and go healthy options. Sometimes even peeling an orange or cutting an apple is too much work for my teens - so I have one of each ready in the fridge. It seems stupid to have to do… but it’s helped with the afternoon cranky munchies.
joeawilliams123
New member
@marjihealing I've given a ton of leeway on the junk, but that doesn't mean we can afford to buy everything on her very long list! I prioritize the healthy stuff she requests and always still buy some of the junk in addition. Thanks for the commiseration.
charlieparker
New member
@joeawilliams123 Why not go over it together? You don’t have to get everything. Pick top 3. What does she do for breakfast and lunch at school? Seems the breakfast sandwiches and frozen chicken patties are probably quick meals she can microwave for those or a late night snack. If it’s a financial thing, can she babysit or tutor, coach a sport clinic for younger kids something to make some money to buy these things herself?
Honestly in 2-3 years she will be away at college and you won’t have to worry about it.
Honestly in 2-3 years she will be away at college and you won’t have to worry about it.
joeawilliams123
New member
@charlieparker I'm going to tell her pick 2. I do not want to get into negotiations. She's in college! haha. and living at home. She's doing great, but really needs to grow out of this. We're considering student housing.
charlieparker
New member
@joeawilliams123 My son matured a lot being in student housing and away from home the first few years of college.
@joeawilliams123 Give her a budget and she does her own shopping cooking and cleaning. When money and food is gone its gone she really has to think about it.
carmellagarrett
New member
@joeawilliams123 I generally allow one food request from each kid per shopping trip. I also make it clear it isn’t a guarantee.
openbibleverse
New member
@joeawilliams123 Honestly, I just don't buy it. Food is so expensive now and anything she wants will be in the trash can in time. You know what your kid eats better than they do.
Every kid is different, but in my opinion my teen doesn't really want what they want. If they say they want X, it really means they're craving it and will eat it once then leave the rest to rot. I'm not doing that.. I'm buying what I know you will eat.
Every kid is different, but in my opinion my teen doesn't really want what they want. If they say they want X, it really means they're craving it and will eat it once then leave the rest to rot. I'm not doing that.. I'm buying what I know you will eat.
@joeawilliams123 Your daughter’s therapist is recommending going through the list so she feels heard and you guys can get on the same page about your decisions. If you don’t want to buy her anything that’s fine, but talk to her about why she wants these things and talk through alternatives she can live with. Let her earn money for special treats. She’s throwing fits because you engage. It’s a power struggle.
joeawilliams123
New member
@joeawilliams123 There’s more than one way to set a clear limit. Saying “no because I said so,” is not going to end what you’re trying to end, which is the power struggle. I get your frustration completely but we all know your daughter will throw a fit anyway and you’ll revoke the 2 junk and throw a bigger fit and you get more mad. And then nobody wins.
@joeawilliams123 Simple - don’t but every single item she puts on the list. She puts 5 but only 2. She puts 6 buy only 2. You are the parent so parent. 
joeawilliams123
New member
@goozlo Yeah, that's what it boils down to. Pick a limit and stick to it. I told her when she gets a job she can buy all the junk her heart desires. 
Just annoyed at the therapist for encouraging negotiations on something I have already been reasonable about. Like, it's a limit, and she's acting entitled.
Just annoyed at the therapist for encouraging negotiations on something I have already been reasonable about. Like, it's a limit, and she's acting entitled.@joeawilliams123 I'm sure the therapist is only hearing a version of what your daughter THINKS is happening.. When my daughter asked for brie & other "rich" foods. I would tell her that it's expensive & I can't afford to keep her eating "champagne on beer money". I just kept telling her & ignoring the rants. I would also tell her that rants would get her zero items!