How do you manage grocery requests?

J

joeawilliams123

New member
How do you all manage any grocery requests from your teen? Mine has been putting tons of junk on our shopping list. For example on our last list for the weekly shop she had: can of whipped cream, caramel sauce, frozen chicken sandwiches, frozen breakfast sandwiches, ice cream, chai tea, brie cheese, and there may be a few things I am forgetting. This is excessive in my opinion. We are a make meals from ingredients kind of household, and we cook at least 4 nights a week typically which includes moderately healthy meals (stir fry, mac n cheese, carne asada tacos, sandwiches and soup, chicken enchiladas this week, 4/5 which she likes). I try to make things everyone likes, but they aren't always a crowd pleaser. The issue is she throws a fit when I don't buy the crap she lists, and I keep telling her it's too darn expensive and lose my temper. Her therapist said she should make a list and we should go over it together. Am I the asshole for thinking that's a stupid suggestion? I work, I buy the food, and I try to get a few things she likes, and I'm not up for negotiating her every desire. Screw that noise. I think she needs a BIG reality check. But, I'm curious what the typical household does? Should I try to be more accommodating, or does she need to understand that many of her food requests will be unmet? There's always an abundance of food around, including junk, which she tends to prefer. I'm soooo beyond frustrated.
 
@petermark0 Yeah, I lean towards a firm 'no,' but I do think she's not feeling 'heard.' I'm not sure if the problem is her being entitled, or me not trying to 'meet her where she is.' Like, I'm not trying to be mean, but it's truly ridiculous the amount of stuff she expects. I will kindly try to explain and set a limit. If things devolve, 'no' is a complete sentence.
 
@joeawilliams123 This may be an oversimplified perspective but have you considered capping her at a dollar amount or perhaps # of items?

Aside from that this all sounds like a great opportunity for a budgeting exercise, field trip to the grocery store and learning how to cook.
 
@joeawilliams123 Yes, that's an excessive list (though it makes me want to add brie to my shopping list).

I don't see the problem with the therapists suggestion to talk it out. Gives you the chance to show your kid exactly how much all of that would cost, dietary benefits from whole foods, etc. She doesn't have to listen, but at least you've tried, and you don't give her ammunition with the therapist for not trying.
 
@joeawilliams123 I tell my son to put a week's worth of after-school lunches and snacks on the list. I then go through the list and if I notice he has Cheez-Its and there's a box on the counter I remind him. If he has 3 bags of chips "for variety" or 2 things of soda I make him choose one of each. He can always get something different the following week. It sounds like you're against doing the list and reviewing because you expect an argument over every item. But instead just say you can have "x number" which ones do you want to keep?" If the arguing gets out of hand say"This arguing is exhausting, either tell me the x number you want to keep or I'll choose myself."
 
@joeawilliams123 Groceries are way too expensive to be buying random stuff that may or may not be eaten. I would suggest you do what the therapist says and go over the list together each week, but limit the final result to two items. By going over the list together, your daughter will gain an understanding of how much stuff costs, and then she can choose the two that she wants the most for the week.
 
@orion3003 Yeah, the brie I bought weeks ago is still sitting in our fridge. She didn't like the flavor of that brand. Certainly going over the list would give her an idea of what groceries cost, but I'm not willing to negotiate on every item. Pick 1-2 is a good approach.
 
@joeawilliams123 I go shopping every 2 weeks. I make out a dinner list for 14 nights (we almost always eat at home) and then throw in a few things for breakfast/lunches (plus we eat leftovers). After that, I ask my 3 teens to pick 4 snack items each, preferably off-brand stuff. If I can buy it for them, I will, but they also know not to get upset if I decide to substitute for something cheaper or omit an item. There is always fresh fruit in the house and as well as popcorn if they run out of whatever I buy them. We have been following this routine for a long time now so they're used to it. My suggestion would be to not allow her access to just write whatever she wants on the list. Show her the family grocery budget and then sit down and write the list out together. Set a limit on the number of items and a $ limit. Then do the shopping together. This may help her get a feel for how much things cost and what a reasonable amount of snacks would be. Plus these are definitely skills that she needs to develop for when she lives on her own.
 
@garberse This is basically how it is for us. I have told her numerous times anything she puts on that list is basically a 'wish list' and not guaranteed to be purchased. I think limiting by number of items might be a better approach for her.
 
@joeawilliams123 Pretty simple here, we buy non-staples when they are on sale. If they want Doritos, and this week's sale is Lays, they aren't getting any Doritos this week. Same with frozen dinners. My family shares a common shopping list from our phones, I tell my son to check the ads and add from there. I still use discretion if I think it is too poor of a value. Kids need to learn the responsibility of money management before they enter the real world. I've always been budget/value disciplined, and hope my son learns to be as well. Knowing how to manage money efficiently is as important as getting a degree if you ask me.
 
@4beasts Totally! That degree doesn't mean much if you spend all your money. I like the idea of having her check the ads. That builds a good habit and is something I have always had to do.
 
@joeawilliams123 I got tired of my son's (17yo right now) requests, and also the fact that he ate everything that was his liking without counting anyone else in the house (for example, all the juice, not thinking his little brother might want too).

Due to this and other things (you give me no money, I don't want to clean my room or help around, I want to move on my own, etc), few months ago we did an experinment that is still going on today. We agreen on a certain amount of money I give every month, and we live as if this was a shared apartment. He buys and cooks his onw meals, washes his clothes, cleans the whole apartment every 4 weeks (household of 4), pays 1/4 of the electric bill, water, and a symbolic amount of rent.

This has made him understand how much food cots, and also how much work goes to keeping home reasonable. It has also brought some bad "side effects", as he has now "privileges" he did not have before. He feels entitled to certain things I don't like, and I cannot control how much junk he buys... but Ithink it has been a good exercise to learn how to live on his own.

Not saying that this is the best ever solution, but maybe you could try :)
 
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