I love my baby so much and I’m 1000% OAD. But holy hell how do people want to have more than one? I don’t have much help and my husband works away a lot lol so maybe that is why I don’t but I’m sooo oveeerrr the poopy diapers/ wrestling a wild baby to change them, the scream crying when he just wants to be held but I need to pee or eat/ the not sleeping properly for the past 8 months/ the struggle to get anywhere. It’s gotten better but it’s still not as better as I want it to be lol I do love him so much and I am so grateful to be his mom but I’m over the baby stage …and excited but nervous for the toddler stage lol
@alexd97 I never realised how true that ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ really is.
We to have minimal support and cannot imagine having a second.
So yeah maybe it’s different when you have grandparents either side able to help most days or other support but when it’s mostly just you and you’re in the thick of it, having a second is unimaginable for us
@alexd97 Same here, husband works full time and I'm "lucky" to be on maternity leave, but with no support it's really brutal, especially when our daughter or/and we are sick
@bethelxhillsong We have very involved grandparents (my husband's parents sadly live in another country, but mine are very eager to help out). We see them once a week and my mom has our daughter about one night a month and at a sleepover maybe every 6 weeks. It still doesn't change anything for us; Im grateful we have this help and dont feel worn out with our daughter, but I still cant imagine having enough energy to give TWO kids what they need.
@bethelxhillsong My mother in law has been great with watching my son from birth to now but she's getting to ill to watch him by herself. My son is 4 now and my wife and I work plus weekends so when my son is off from school on weekends, I have to take a day off to stay home or hope my wife isn't working during the weekend.
Its such a pain and brings all this extra stress plus the extra fact we only have one car so I have to leave work quickly for drop off or pick up for my son at school then go back. I have no idea how people have more than one and don't have a village or extra support for childcare.
@bethelxhillsong If it wasn’t for my mom, my husband’s family, my friends at the time, I wouldn’t know how to handle raising a baby. My husband and I had different schedules and he had his mom to help him when I’m at work, whereas I have to figure things out on my own during the week most of the time. Trust me, it gets better as they get older. Hang in there!
@alexd97 A lot of people have two (or more) because they feel like they have to, that you can't "choose" to have just one. And then they are stressed & overwhelmed. I'm glad I know my limits.
@abraham7777 I used to feel I “should” have two but I got rid of social media for the most part (instagram was the bad one lol) and I realized I was 100% just feeling the pressure of being influenced by influencers and friends having multiple kids posting just the good stuff. I realized once I wasn’t on there for a while that I don’t want that lol and social media (Facebook and instagram) was really bad for my mental health.
@alexd97 Same same! I've deactivated both and I feel so much better. Those huge families on insta always got me, I was both fascinated and disgusted and then I was like...what's wrong with me, why can't I have 5+ kids?
@andyron I know lol I like the idea of lots of adult kids I think it seems amazing but as kids fighting and all the after school activities and as babies I was like hell no but I think a lot of those influencers with big families don’t have jobs besides social media so maybe it’s because both parents are home all the time.
@alexd97 Same, and the marketing for all the cute baby stuff gets me all the time. That and getting to name another baby and have a cute sprinkle; both of those things are just not a good enough reason to have another when I really think about it lol
@alexd97 Me and my husband split every chore and child care duty 50/50 (except breastfeeding since he can't, but I really like those moments with her anyway). We sleep in every other day on our days off, have always done every other night if she wakes up etc. I STILL have no idea how people want more than one! I cant imagine having energy to spend this much time anf attention on two kids. As much as I love my only!
@wowdarling My husband is very good about 50/50 when he is home but he is away a lot for work. I have help about twice a week for 2 hours at a time and it’s something at least but it is so not enough help for me to have anymore than one!
Some parents do it together, they're both available and caring for their kids and work as a team to take care of multiple kids.
Some parents have a village. Imagine living near your family and friends who are willing to help you whenever needed. Imagine grandparents who love to have regular sleepovers with their grandkids. It's a total game changer.
Some parents don't work full-time. When you both work part time there is so much more time and energy left for your own family. It makes life with a child, or multiple kids much easier.
Some parents have easy kids, they sleep through the night from a really young age. They aren't over-active, they're just relaxed, laughing a lot, playing calmly.
Some parents live in countries where childcare is free, or much less expensive. That makes a huge difference in thinking about a second one.
Some parents have a lot of money, so they can pay for so much help. They don't do household chores, bc they hired someone to do it for them, for example. They don't cook themselves, they have a nanny sometimes. Parenting is really different when you don't have to do it all on your own.
I can go on and on, but the most important thing is that circumstances are so different for every family that you can't compare it.
@alexd97 I thought I would mention that the phase you're in was the hardest for us. I feel it's a phase no one really talks about. When they become kind of mobile but also the separation anxiety kicks in. So frustrated and so clingy.
And I'm there with you on everything else too, lol
@siriusp23 That’s exactly what’s happening he’s very clingy which I love it but also I need to get stuff done so it’s frustrating when I try to set him in the playpen and distract him with toys and walk away then he starts big crying and I cannot just let him cry it stresses me out! But we do have an exercise bouncer thing and he is happy to be left in that with the dancing fruit on the tv.
@alexd97 I really don’t know, there was a post in one of the mum groups I’m in on Facebook and she had 3 under 7 and was wanting another but they only live in a three bed and can’t afford to move and wanted reassurance that this was okay.
…and excited but nervous for the toddler stage lol
and then I was like...what's wrong with me, why can't I have 5+ kids?