How do I stop worrying about the “numbers?”

H

hasibiz

New member
I am obsessive over how many oz my baby eats per day, especially after a period of her not “gaining enough” between 1 and 2 months (she was gaining 19.7 g per day when doctor wanted her at 20-30 g per day).

She’s now 3.5 months and had a good gain at her last weight check (20 oz in 3 weeks- yay!). Pediatrician wants her to eat 24-30 oz per day, which we’ve been tracking for about 5 weeks now.

The last few weeks she was eating about 24-26 oz per day, but the last several days it’s been more like 21-23 oz per day. I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t get her to eat more for the life of me, and I don’t want to create a bottle aversion. I just get so concerned about her hitting 24 each day, and she hasn’t been, which is freaking me out. My husband is not concerned and has literally had to take the bottle out of my hand because I just so desperately want her to finish.

My daughter otherwise seems healthy- minimal spit up, normal poops, etc. She just decides she’s done with the bottle and then that’s it.

I keep thinking that as her mom it’s my responsibility to make sure she eats, and she just hasn’t been hitting the 24 oz lately. Is this concerning? How do I stop obsessing?
 
@hasibiz I feel like the only solution is to just not track 🤷‍♀️. It’s not like you can force her to eat more, so the info is not going to do anything but make you anxious. Also I get wanting to listen to the pediatrician, but even before her recent weight gain gaining 0.3g less than normal doesn’t really seem that concerning to me?
 
@goldielocks Yeah. You’re right, and I know it. I think her doctor was trying to alleviate some of my anxieties by telling me to track but it ended up having the opposite effect.
 
@hasibiz Honestly just don’t track it! Babies are amazing self regulators. I was in your exact position of stressing over hitting a specific number and did end up creating an aversion. It was pure hell.

As her mom, it’s your job to offer food to her. She will eat what she needs, trust me. I would limit your offers to two times a feed and just dump the rest without calculating what she ate to get your mind off of volumes for a bit!

Our pediatrician one day told me “however much he eats, is how much he needs to eat” and told me there’s no specific number he needs to be hitting. Babies will have lulls in eating and big growth spurts. Both are normal and totally okay! Plus, around four months babies become so much more aware and fidgety, she may just be a bit advanced and less interested in the bottle as she becomes more aware of the world around her!

Another good thing to check is nipple size to make sure she’s on the right flow! I know my son used to drop volumes like crazy when he wanted a faster flow.

My cousin had a HOSS of a child, I mean just a massive baby, and in the throes of me stressing about my own son’s intake, she told me her son never took more than 25 oz in a day—ever. And he still grew to be perfectly healthy.
 
@cathryne Good advice, thank you. I’m trying to ignore the numbers and trust she’ll get what she needs. It’s just hard when her doctor says she should get at least 24 and she’s not always hitting that. 😞
 
@hasibiz It is definitely hard! I know different pediatricians have different opinions on how many ounces per day they need. The nurse for our ped is who told us 24 oz per day and when I brought that up to the doctor he was seemingly upset and stressed to us as long as he isn’t losing weight and seems happy, he can regulate his own intake. I so wish I’d listened to him. The aversion was truly the worst time in my life and the hardest thing we’ve had to overcome as parents.

Editing to add that I just scrolled back on our tracking app and when he was 3.5 months his intake varied from 21 oz to 27 depending on the day! He’s now a 17.5 month old with a voracious appetite for solids!
 
@cathryne Yeah, we also saw a different doctor from the safe practice for something else and he seemed much less concerned about the 24 oz “rule.” It totally makes sense that they self regulate. Unlike me who will eat a piece of cake regardless of how full I am haha.

Thanks for sharing, I appreciate the advice. I keep getting scared of a bottle aversion and then thinking I might’ve already created one (fussing at bottle, pushing away, etc.). Your experience is a good reminder for me to not keep pushing it.
 
@hasibiz My LO is 3m and just started eating 24oz regularly. This is combo breast and formula. Up until about a week ago, we were looking at 18-21oz.

One thing we did was just shorten the time between bottles to get in an “extra” bottle in the day. Another thing you can do, is wait 30-45 mins before you try to get her to “finish the bottle.” You might even be able to try to incorporate a dream feed to get in a couple extra ounces.

But if your baby is happy, growing, and having enough wet and dirty diapers, then I wouldn’t worry if she missed the target every couple of days. Babies are like adults, some days they are hungrier than others.
 
@alexis5 Yeah, sometimes I do try to wait a half hour or so. Honestly sometimes I have to just dump it so I’m not tempted to keep trying.

We do her last feeding around 9-10pm and a dream feed around 2am. We have to do that because of a medication she’s on - she can’t go more than 6 hours without food.
 
@hasibiz Honestly this was me for the longest time - and still is. My daughter is 6.5mo old now though. It’s really hard to stop worrying about the numbers. But honestly, I had to deal with days as low as 18oz - and she’s still alive and healthy. We did find she had silent reflux so we started meds and she’s eating better now. It’s so hard to stop tracking. Like I can’t help it. But definitely don’t pressure her to eat more. I only offer once and that’s it. I honestly don’t care about reaching 24oz anymore - even 20oz is good enough for me now lol I’m in counseling now too because it causes me SO much anxiety. It’s hard to let go of but just know you’re not alone.

Edit: like another commenter put, around 4/5mo they start getting REALLY distracted. That has been the hardest thing for me. Now I give her something to hold in her hands while she eats.
 
@yamyak Thanks for sharing. Yeah, even when I try not to track it’s hard to not notice it.

What were the symptoms of silent reflux? Sometimes I wonder if she has it, but not sure. Maybe 1-2 feeds per day she acts a bit uncomfortable but I’m not sure what other signs to look for.
 
@hasibiz She had very little signs which is why it was difficult to figure out why she was eating the way she was. When she was newborn she would throw up but she never seemed uncomfortable. After 2months, she stopped throwing up but she would fight the bottle sometimes but that only lasted a little while. I became PARANOID that she had a bottle aversion, honestly still don’t know. She never cried at the bottle, she just didn’t eat a lot. Other symptoms I noticed was that she would choke randomly during the day - her eyes would turn kind of red and I could hear it coming up her throat. She never fussed about it though. Wet hiccups here and there. We just started a month trial of meds and she went from eating only 2.5-3.5oz every 3hrs to 4-5.5oz.
 
@hasibiz I also get concerned. Everyone says not to track but I still want to. I like the data. When it goes down (or up) significantly I usually attribute it to a growth spurt or maybe teething/sick. Tracking the whole day makes me realize even though certain feeds are low the overall day is on par.

I also echo that my baby started distracted eating and it was so frustrating. We found turning the lights down and even sometimes swaddling helped. She is much less distracted now (5 months).
 
@hasibiz Around this age my baby started becoming a distracted eater. He would only feed well when he was sleepy and falling asleep at the bottle. I think eventually I realized I was feeding too often. I was still trying to feed every 2 hours but I needed to start spacing it to every 3 hours so he was actually hungry. This helped with him actually finishing his bottles. Instead of trying to feed 8 bottles a day with 4 oz each, I just started doing 6 bottles of 5 oz each. That has definitely worked better for getting my baby to eat more.
 
@hasibiz This could have been written by me. My son will be 4 months on the 23rd. Everything else is almost exactly the same. Husband doesn’t worry about it but I’m always so anxious about his ounces. The last few days he hasn’t been eating well and it’s been driving me crazy.
I don’t know how to get him to eat more. He doesn’t get angry, and it’s not a bottle aversion… he literally just gets done and doesn’t want any more. Lately he will just smile and laugh with the bottle in his mouth. I feel like my whole day is trying to get him to eat.
I’m not much help. But you’re not alone.
 
@bettering Im the same but my baby has diarrhoea and reflux so they put him on meds which hasn’t helped, also my partner keeps saying why are you tracking? I said he doesn’t usually cry when he’s hungry (which is true) and I wanna make sure he gets the correct calories
 
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