How did you make sure your teens were safe if and when they drink/smoke?

[z]

My 13 y/o brother has smoked weed once as far as I know and drank vodka with his friends at least once. I'm the big sister and the one most likely to get through to him, and the most likely to have a real conversation about this w him.

I don't want to use scare tactics but goddamn it's dangerous at his age. And young teens don't typically know what do do if something goes wrong because they don't want to get caught, they'll let someone die before calling 911.

So parents, what did you do?

 

[jaaye]

@z I watch mine like a hawk, I am everywhere and nowhere. They've known my views and I've been talking to them about it since they were little. Their half brother has drug induced schizophrenia, so that helps quite a bit to keep them away from it. I told them that a time will come for that, the time is just not right now. My son had his first joint at 17, I spent more time laughing than anything. My daughter is about to turn 16 and nobody wants to hang out with her because she doesn't partake. That's sad, but I'm glad she doesn't. The police liason at the school said one thing tho that stuck with me. The little buggers are going to find a way to do it no matter what, so in that case, know your dealer. Trust your dealer, and if you can't, you have no business doing it. My philosophy, if you're mature enough to deal with every single repercussion that goes along with doing drugs etc, including dealing with me, then you have no business doing it until you can. As for smoking, you tell him from me, "Don't become a hostage to cigarettes, it WILL be your biggest regret". Best of luck, and teach from a place of love.

 

[jackmajor]

@jaaye If your daughter ever gets in a place where she feels conflicted and wants someone to talk to about it that’s around her age, you feel free to message me. I’m 21, so not sure if you’re okay with that. However, I don’t drink or smoke and I live near a college town so most people do one or both. It’s awesome that she’s getting on the smart train earlier than later, but coming from someone who had a small party phase at 19-20, it’s so much better to not do it.

It sucks that she can’t make friends, but at the end of the day it’s better to have friends and partners that don’t pressure you to do things that are at the end of the day, harmful to you and your health. I’m just now, after 3 years of living where I am, finding people that I trust and care about, who care about me and show it. She’ll find her place.

 

[elijah1986]

@jaaye Wow, I’m surprised your daughter is having trouble meeting people who don’t partake in substance use. In my group of friends in high school, some of my friends thought I was irresponsible because I was mildly addicted to... caffeine.

 

[jaaye]

@z I had a good group too, church kids. The world has changed so drastically in the 20 years I've been out, I couldn't imagine being a teenager right now.

 

[analogue]

@z Figuring that out now. Trying to do a lot of things all at the same time. Be a voice of reason. Be a safe place where he can tell me anything. Hold him to high standards. And impress upon him his responsibility to his own future.

 

[pius463]

@z Don't have a teen yet (mine are toddlers) but my mom and best friends dad were both the "if you're going to do that stay in our house and do it." Of course being teens we didn't always, but I have anxiety pretty badly so I was the kid who refused to do anything if someone's parents weren't there. (Mostly I was afraid of dying or being drugged and raped since my mom drilled into my brain to never leave a drink sitting out due to that being a possibility.)

 

[bluebird29]

@z You want to make a safe place for him and his friends to do it. If you try to stop him he will shut you out and do it anyways. It's best to let them figure it out on there own in a safe place. Eventually they will get tired of it and realize that it's getting in the way of more important things. My parents did this with both me and my sister. I went wild for a little bit and then calmed down and stopped doing reckless things, but it took my sister a lot longer to calm down. We were both always open and honest with our parents about our partying habits and it always felt better to know that if anything bad happened we could call our parents and not get any judgment or get in trouble.