@yesterday987g Tbh you need to just tell her that you ARE changing her diaper. There are choices she CAN make, such as what clothes she would prefer to wear, what snack she wants, etc. But the thing is, kids are nowhere near being able to make all of the choices for themselves that actually matter. You are the parent, you have to teach them right/wrong until they fully grasp it for themselves.
If she could, she wouldn’t brush her teeth, wouldn’t be clean, and would eat candy all day every day (every kid her age would). What I have found works really well is to literally stop what you’re doing, get eye level, and firmly (not yelling) say “we ARE changing your diaper. Come lay down for me, now.” I also do the stern mom look a lot of times without breaking eye contact. It works. I’m not saying anyone else is wrong, but you cannot turn everything into a game or give in to that sort of behavior. She will be just fine and you will still be her loving, amazing mom at the end of the day.
Don’t be the parent whose kid will not listen and follow simple directions when they get in school. It’s not cute. What I’ve found from being a mother to two and a step parent to one child is that a lot of people let behavior like that slide from ages 2-3 or 4 (because they’re cute and you don’t want to f them up) and then it’s a problem once the kid has siblings or gets into school. Making someone follow instruction and know when you mean business is not going to harm their sense of autonomy.
Also, there are times when you need your child to LISTEN right now. Nobody ever thinks they will encounter these situations, but as your child gets older you have to let them get more independent and the helicopter mom mentality a lot of ppl have is also another reason why kids are struggling I believe. If your child is outside and is about to step into an ant bed, saying “STOP” and them actually listening will save them a lot of trouble. If they’re in a parking lot with you, you need them to walk beside you and hold your hand, not start running around the parking lot because you don’t want to harm their sense of autonomy. There’s a time and place for these things, like I said. But it isn’t realistic or age-appropriate for a 2-3 year old to decide when they change clothes or have diaper changes. It will harm her more to sit in a dirty diaper (could get a UTI (which can turn into pyelonephritis if it became bad enough), yeast infection, diaper rash, etc).
And for some reason, as a more strict mom (especially in today’s parenting style) my kids have a great relationship with me and love cuddling with me and trust me very much to take care of their needs. I really do think kids crave a strong mother and father who know when to take control and when to let them do it themselves. Acting like their best friend and getting run over by them is no way to be. Not that you have to be an a-hole, but seriously being a parent is being a leader of your household.
