How? 4, 5, 6 kids? Enlighten me please

[despet93]

So I was browsing Facebook and came across one channel about a mom, she has 3 kids and a really nice house being a sahm, ok fine, can buy the house before the kids and etc and start to have kids with no debts and a full bank account. But I went to the comments and saw all those people saying they have 4, 5 or even 6 kids. Even when you go the the park or a store you come across those huge families, my question, how do you pay for everything? For me it's crazy. I mean, I grew up with a sister and it's was amazing, I wish I could have at least 2 kids, maybe I will maybe I wont, but when i see a bunch of kids my first thought is 'How do you pay for everything?' Because kids are expensive, school, clothes, toys, food, etc etc etc. And I'm here trying to figure how to pay for 1 kid. Lol

 

[katrina2017]

@despet93 There are lots of big family blogs etc out there that can answer things better but here are a few things I've gleaned that are common to large families.
1. Stay at home parent= no daycare. The more kids you have the bigger a deal this is.
2. Frugal living- hand me downs, thrift stores, cooking from scratch, etc
3. Expecting them to get jobs to pay for a car, college, etc
4. A genuine belief that people are more important than things and relationships and experiences are the most important things you can give your child. Nurturing a healthy, warm family dynamic and lasting memories is free.

Obviously any and all of these can and are done by people with smaller families, that's just what I've observed is common to larger families and how they manage!

 

[despet93]

@katrina2017

A genuine belief that people are more important than things and relationships and experiences are the most important things you can give your child. Nurturing a healthy, warm family dynamic and lasting memories is free.

Agree so much with this.

 

[maggiecutajar]

@despet93 I have had lots of similar thoughts at times, but I've recently learned more about how some large families make it work. My husband's aunt and uncle had 9 children, and several of his (now adult) cousins each have 6+ children of their own. They never have to pay for childcare (the single most expensive part of having a child at this point) since the wives are all SAHM, they buy food in bulk to save money and buy used clothing/get things passed down to them from family members or friends. Honestly each successive child costs much less than the ones before it, because you are likely to already own everything you need for a baby by the time they are born, and as they grow they just get the clothes/toys that their older siblings used. All of the families that I know with this many kids also homeschool, so they don't need to worry about living in a place with terrible school districts (allows them to live in cheaper areas) and there are no associated school costs, other than the supplies they have to buy at home.

Honestly I cannot imagine having over 3 children - it seems exhausting and so stressful to me. But there are a lot of benefits to having large families, and its really fun to now have a very large extended family. I am super impressed by moms who manage to stay on top of all of that - its not for me, but its certainly impressive!

 

[despet93]

@maggiecutajar

I am super impressed by moms who manage to stay on top of all of that - its not for me, but its certainly impressive!

Totally with you. I think they have super powers or something lol.

I just realize about the homeschooling part, i forgot you can do that in the US, that's a good solution for this many kids.

 

[maggiecutajar]

@despet93 Yeah, homeschooling can cause other issues (allows you to not vaccinate your children, can stunt them socially, and is typically used to ensure that the children never encounter people whose worldviews are different from the parents') but all of my husband's cousins have grown into well-adjusted, kind adults, and their children seem to be doing the same, so it definitely works for some families!

The fact that the moms not only take care of that many children and keep their household running but also literally have to be their teacher as well is the craziest thing to me - that is like having 4 full time jobs that you are asked to do all at once. Supermoms!

 

[shasikatesl]

@maggiecutajar I wouldn’t say that’s the “typical” one reason people homeschool. Just like anything, the people on the fringes tend to have the loudest voices

 

[maggiecutajar]

@shasikatesl Super fair! It’s definitely the most common reason I have experienced in my own life, having met many homeschooled families, but that probably has more to do with the area I am from than anything else, and is definitely not representative of all homeschooling families.

 

[dayisdone]

@despet93 Depends on the country and how it supports having children (e.g. baby bonus). Depends on the family and income levels. Depends on the activities you put your kids into. Depends on how mentally strong you are (3+ kids is work.. 1+ kids is work..).

I'll go against the grain and actually say kids aren't really expensive at all if they are healthy. They don't become expensive until they're teenagers. This changes if you opt to put your kids into more expensive hobbies like piano, hockey, etc..

 

[person11111111115555]

@dayisdone

I'll go against the grain and actually say kids aren't really expensive at all if they are healthy

So much this. I don't know the exact amount but I'm sure my parents income was in the higher six figures area for about 3 decades. My younger brother is severely affected by autism. He had various therapies five days a week for years. My parents needed so much money to support my brother to have a modest life as best as he is able too.

No one knows if a problem, either born with or acquired, will happen. People having multiple kids seems so reckless to me, rolling the dice against life hoping to keep getting lucky and not have an outcome where someone's life is very difficult or severely altered. People say things like "it'll work out" and other things because they have never lived with someone severely disabled who needs a lot of support, and it's never enough support.

 

[despet93]

@dayisdone

kids aren't really expensive at all and if they are healthy,

True that!!

 

[jazzyd777]

@despet93 I agree with this too, although I live in Australia where things are a bit different from the US. For one, we have a great public health and public school system so there aren't many costs associated with that. The main expenses are daycare (which isn't a problem if a parent can stay at home) and things like prams, cots, car seats, clothes, toys, which can all be hand-me-downs from older siblings or even friends/cousins for your first kid. Once you get to 3+ kids you may need to get a bigger car and even a bigger house, so that's one big cost to factor in.

 

[shasikatesl]

@despet93 Honestly, I went to Catholic school all the way up until college, so it wasn’t until adulthood that I realized most people don’t think a family with 5 kids is normal I can name several families with 5+ kids off the top of my head, some with as many as 8 or 9.

You make it work. Hand me downs are a thing, you drive a used mini van,you budget and don’t go out to eat as much.Most of the families I know still were about to take the occasional vacation and put their kids through catholic school, so it seems so extremely doable to me from the culture I grew up in.

Of the families I can think of the dad worked full time and mom was either SAHM or owned a small business. I grew up in a mid sized city in the Midwest, so the cost of living was manageable, which helps, but most of these families lived in decent houses in good neighborhoods.

Personally, I want 4 (originally 5, but my husband did NOT grow up Catholic so that seems like too much to him ) because I have so many friends that loved growing up in big families.

 

[wyatt1111]

@shasikatesl I also went to catholic school from kindergarten through 12th grade (from a midwestern city where going to catholic school is very, very common). It sounds like we have a similar background! Like you, so many families I grew up around had 5+ kids so it seemed pretty normal to me, even though I myself come from a smaller family. I think part of it might have been salaries then vs now? Maybe it’s my millennial coming out but it did seem slightly easier to support larger families on one salary in the 80’s and 90’s.

 

[shasikatesl]

@wyatt1111 Yeah, I can totally see that. I also see a lot of my high school classmates going into careers that their parents were in that still have good earning potential, like engineering, nursing etc. And a lot of them are on their way to having bigger families themselves.

Also I recognize my experience is skewed by only seeing big families that could afford to send their kids to private school. They were privileged in a way that not everyone is, even if they had to be thrifty and frugal. So that’s something to consider in the type of big family I’m used to seeing. They purposely had a ton of kids and could afford them.

 

[despet93]

@shasikatesl

You make it work.

That's is very true, you can't put the kid back in so you deal with the situation. My hub and i had situations that we had money, then we didn't, then we moved and we had less money than before lol, anyway you work with what you have.

You are brave girl for wanting 5 lol, good luck to you!!

 

[shasikatesl]

@despet93 Our plan is to evaluate one kid at a time, with the thinking we’ll end up with 3-4 bio kids and potentially foster or adopt, too

Growing up surrounded by big families definitely makes it seem less intimidating!

 

[katrina2017]

@despet93 I follow a lady on Instagram, we’re sort of online friends - we chat from time to time. She lives my dream life lol. SAHM with 4 beautiful little ones, HUGE gorgeous house, 2 dogs, chickens, a pet lizard, and I’m pretty sure there’s more. Her husband is a doctor.

 

[sallyalder]

@katrina2017 Eugh, jealous! That sounds amazing

 

[katrina2017]

@despet93 Family money? A partner whose job is outrageously good? Sponsors on social media? Saved a lot before becoming SAHM? Investments? Hobbies-turned-income (free-lance writing, Etsy store etc)? Credit card debt? Extremely good at budgeting?

Kids are expensive, but there are places to cut corners, especially with investing in long-term things, like cloth diapering which has a big start-up cost but when you use it for so many kids, it is way more cost-effective in the long run.