Hi y’all, is anyone one and done due to health? I’m falling apart postpartum

[laurencesantos]

Osteitis condensans illi. Postpartum complications
Got a rare condition oci it’s the porosity and density of the illiac bone that makes ur lower back and hips ache and no pills help cuz it’s not inflammatory. If ur experiencing lowe back and or hips pain go get mri done! It’s super rare that orthopedics don’t know about it. I went to Mayo Clinic spinal center and had no clue! Also their hips specialist had no clue neither.

I also have a millitary neck where my neck is fully straight so it’s hard to hold my head and my muscles r 24/7 tense and stiff and nothing helps. Ughh what a bouquet of health.
That being said I’m considering to be one and done.

And I’m terrified to get hit with anxiety depression and ocd postpartum again. It was so severe and I’m finally slowly started feeling a bit like myself

 

[quantum777]

@laurencesantos One of the reasons I'm one and done is because I have EDS which is a genetic connective tissue disorder. As much as I really want a second child, I can't jeopardize my health, my existing family and our quality of life together is more important.

 

[gianna]

@quantum777 I have the hyper mobility variation of EDS and feel the same way! The second half of my pregnancy was so painful I could barely walk. It felt like the baby was stabbing me from the inside anytime I took a step or moved the wrong way.

Because I could barely move, I gained 40 pounds while pregnant. Left the hospital at 185lbs and am only down to 175lbs 11 months PP bc my doctor finally prescribed weight loss meds 2 months ago. All the muscle mass I worked so hard to gain over 3 years, gone. My pelvis, hips and surrounding ligaments are still super lax. I went from having flat abs to a mom pooch with stretch marks. I tried to go back to weight lifting but it just ended up causing injury. The only exercise I can do now has to be super low impact.

I physically and mentally can’t go through this again. I HATE my PP body and feel resentment toward my baby and husband. I can’t look at photos of myself without crying. Anytime I see a photo of myself before the baby I feel depressed. I’m embarrassed to see family and friends bc I feel unrecognizable.

I wish I knew when these feelings would subside. I can’t imagine doing all this work to get back into shape and then finding out I was pregnant again.

 

[quantum777]

@gianna I'm sorry you've had such a hard time, an EDS pregnancy really can be a new level of hell. If it helps, I wasn't 'recovered' until my son was 2.5. I gained 85lbs (!!) and after losing 40ish the first few weeks after birth, the rest hung around for a couple of years, but it did eventually go. They say 9 months to make a baby, 9 months to recover, I feel with EDS, you can easily double or triple that

 

[laurencesantos]

@quantum777 That’s my thoughts process too

 

[paulbassett]

@quantum777 You're incredible. I commend you for parenting with Ehlers- Danlos!!

I have MS, which was a virtual nonfactor for the first three years of my kid's life, but now that it's catching up with me, I am VERY grateful to be OAD. I don't really have the energy or physical wherewithal to even keep up with one kid, and can't imagine there being others. Fortunately my spouse is a very involved parent. Currently trying to think of the future, and think of the tools and aides I'll need to continue to be present and available to my kid. But it's hard - I am easily overwhelmed and depressed thinking of a future with increased disability.

 

[quantum777]

@paulbassett Right back at you, I'm sure parenting while trying to manage MS is brutal some days! I try not to think of the future too much, I find staying present today and doing what I need to do keeps my head from going to the "what if..." scary places.

 

[toreto]

@laurencesantos I’m two months post partum. I experienced a fourth degree tear and developed a rectovaginal fistula. I had 2 surgeries done by my ob and a general surgeon and both failed. Then I saw a colorectal surgeon last month who explained I shouldn’t have had those surgeries, that the area is so damaged and inflamed that operating wouldn’t do any good until there’s been more healing. Currently waiting on my next evaluation with him next month. A third surgery will be done and I’m hoping this one works. I’ve been advised that any future children will need to be a c section. I can’t even imagine being pregnant again though as much as I love our baby girl.

So yeah. Super traumatized, my lower half of my body is mangled and not functioning properly, and OAD!!

 

[laurencesantos]

@toreto I’m so sorry!!! I don’t have trust in doctors with my conditions as I was misdiagnosed and had useless surgeries in the past. Finding a specialist is super hard and knowledgeable doctors is a rare thing! Wishing you fastest recovery!

 

[toreto]

@laurencesantos Thank you so much. I’m so sorry for what youve been going through as well. The anxiety is the worst

 

[laurencesantos]

@toreto Indeed

 

[katie_nyc]

@toreto I also have an rvf! I’m so sorry to hear you’re dealing with it too!

I have a seton drain in now and looking at surgery in early 2024 :/

My daughter turns 5 this week so it’s been a long journey

 

[toreto]

@katie_nyc Oh that’s awful I’m so sorry! It’s been so scary to deal with! All my fears and anxiety through pregnancy and about delivery and what ended up actually happening wasn’t even on my radar!

 

[toreto]

@katie_nyc Would it be okay to message you about our journeys by the way? This has been so isolating! I know it’s not exactly a common occurence

 

[katie_nyc]

@toreto Absolutely! It sucks but you’re not alone!

 

[acl777]

@laurencesantos Yes! One of my biggest reasons!!

My pelvis came together wrong so I’m in a lot of pain at my pubic symphysis, my abs are still open and hurt, my left rib is flared and I’ve had very bad PPA/PPD and almost debilitating PPOCD. I finally am on Zoloft which has helped my PPOCD tremendously! I really can’t go through all of this again. I’m finally feeling better and I refuse to feel horrible again. Also, I just love my boy too much and don’t need another.

I’m 14 months postpartum and still struggle

 

[ababwaalijaz]

@acl777 I didn't have any major physical complications, but like you, I suffered severe PPA/PPOCD. It was HELL to go through and also hurt my marriage as I essentially became a completely different person after my mental health went down hill. I also became angry and sometimes rageful towards my husband who absolutely did nothing to deserve it! It took me 18 months to feel like I was getting better, and only recently (when my daughter was about 2.5) did I feel like I was fully back to my old self. I know post-partum health issues are not guaranteed the second time around, but I don't want to ever risk going back to "that place" mentally again. However, to be fair, it's not the ONLY reason for being OAD (finances, lack of a village, increasing age for myself and my husband, and not wanting to risk having a child with significant special needs, are also my reasons).

 

[acl777]

@ababwaalijaz Absolutely. My PPOCD was causing me to check my backseat mirror multiple times before getting out of the car, going back to check the car because my brain wouldn’t accept that I was POSITIVE I dropped my son off. I had vivid images of knives flying out of the holder and stabbing him, or a car barreling through him on the stroller, HORRIBLE night terrors of him being killed… I couldn’t take it. Literally within 3 days of taking Zoloft I’m a normal happy mom

 

[ababwaalijaz]

@acl777 That's awful! My obsession was SIDS/sleep accidents and illness (leading to death). My daughter was held constantly while she was napping so I knew that she was breathing, and I forced my husband to share night shifts with me for the first 4 months so that she always had eyes on her. It only stopped because he had to resume travelling for work and I couldn't have him home to share sleep shifts anymore. I remember apologizing to my baby every night before bed that I was so sorry to have to go to sleep and praying she would be okay. Like you, I had horrific images in my mind - waking up to find a lifeless baby in her bassinet. I spent COUNTLESS hours reading every study, article, research paper on SIDS and sleep accidents. There were times I was SO exhausted that I couldn't feel the muscles in my legs - like my body was shutting down, but the drive to "protect" my baby forced me to go without sleep. Even when my husband WAS sharing sleep shifts, I didn't fully trust my husband to not fall asleep while watching her while I tried to sleep, so I would often be kept awake trying to resist the urge to check up on him. It was AWFUL!

My other fear was her getting some kind of severe respiratory illness or virus (didn't help that she was born during Covid) so EVERYTHING was constantly sanitized, to the point that my hands were red and raw from constant washing and heavy - duty cleansers. I remember re-boiling the same bottles and pacifiers over and over again just to be "sure" they were truly sanitized. The amount of HOURS wasted on cleaning and ruminating is UNBELIEVABLE. The CONSTANT reassurance-seeking was driving my husband mad and I would lash out at him because I felt like he didn't "care" as much as I did about keeping her to my standards of "safe".

I had NO IDEA how bad I really was until I was back to my mostly-normal self - I kept justifying my thoughts and behaviors as normal first-time mother "worries". The one thing that helped was I eventually went on a progestin-only pill for birth control purposes and I believe that plus stopping breast-feeding/pumping all helped shift my hormones in a way that alleviated my much of my anxiety/ocd and mood swings. Over time, I slowly got back to feeling more and more like myself, and once I could actually get nightly sleep, I felt a million times better. I HATE that I was robbed of so much joy during her early months - I loved my daughter more than ANYTHING, but it was so hard to just sit back and enjoy her, because my mind wouldn't shut off. I often wish I could have had a better post-partum experience, but I also know that there is no realistic chance of a "re-do", even with another baby. And the chance of future post-partum mental health issues is high enough that I'm not willing to risk it again

 

[acl777]

@ababwaalijaz Omg yes the making sure thing. Ugh it really is so debilitating. I couldn’t enjoy my son. Being done with BFing didn’t help, but the medication did. I’m so much happier and still get some intrusive thoughts or images, but I worked with a therapist and tell myself that it’s ridiculous and they’re gone. I couldn’t handle it