He’s SUCH a Good Dad: A Moms V. Dads Expectations Rant

[melista]

We all know about how annoying it is when dads get praised for being “such a good dad” for simply doing their part, but moms are just expected to do all those things (i.e., feeding the baby, changing diapers, basic participation). But I didn’t realize it would start in pregnancy.

Yesterday I was talking to my mom about my OB appointment and ai mentioned something my husband had asked the doctor. She said, “oh, he goes with you to the appointments?” I said yes, every single one. She started gushing saying, “oh he’s SUCH a good dad!” Immediately I was like…I also go to all the OB appointments. Where’s my praise for being a good mom? Plus I schedule them, keep track of them, let my husband know when they are, get the blood draws, drink the glucose drink, compile a list of questions, and take notes. All he does is drive and sit on his phone.

I know there’s nuance here. I know she didn’t have that in the 80s when she was pregnant with me. I know she didn’t mean anything by it. I get it. I wasn’t rude to her. And he IS a great dad already! But I’m already tired of him getting praised for doing the bare minimum while all that stuff and more is just…expected of me.

In the words of the great poet laureate Taylor Alison Swift, f*ck the patriarchy.

 

[joeybaggz]

@melista Honestly whenever I hear people say this about dads I feel bad for those people. My husband is the same way he goes to all my appointments with me, and is being super supportive while I’m pregnant. But every time they make that comment I’m like wow y’all must have some really low standards/ bad partners for you to be excited about men doing bare minimum type stuff.

 

[melista]

@joeybaggz Totally agree! His cousin recently told me I’m so lucky, and I was like…no, I intentionally married someone who believed in the equal division of labor. The bar is on the ground. But I felt sorry for her that her experience is so different.

 

[katechon]

@melista Omg I hate the “lucky” comments. You didn’t win a lottery ticket. You met a partner who you were compatible with. You are lucky to find each-other maybe but it’s not like you didn’t do anything and randomly found a great guy.

 

[thusitha]

@joeybaggz yea i feel the same way about the videos on tik tok of generalizing that all men suck and won’t help you, won’t do anything for you for mother’s day, you’ll never get a break etc. i’ve seen so many this past weekend.

i’m like….uh maybe your husband but not mine lol my baby isn’t even here yet and i was treated like a queen on mother’s day. my husband and i both take care of our house. not every man sucks, maybe just don’t settle

 

[luvscajunman]

@thusitha Amen to that! My husband has been amazing through my pregnancy. We are 5 days out from our induction and I know he is going to be the best dad. And FYI for all those people who praise dads for “babysitting”… it’s not babysitting if it’s YOUR child!

 

[xrrbx]

@luvscajunman My BIL used to say he has to watch or babysit his kid when my sister would come out to the horse barn that's at their own house. You're not babysitting your own kid! You're being a parent!

 

[aquafrost]

@joeybaggz Totally. My fam couldn’t get over the fact that my husband was changing diapers AND doing some cleaning AND cooks about half the time. Sorry I guess that y’all’s husbands were so awful but I knew what I wanted and that was a partner, not another child to take care of

 

[xrrbx]

@joeybaggz It's crazy! My husband has been to all the appointments and was extremely supportive during labor. He was by my side the entire time and talked me through everything and remained positive. It was really great but it's what one would imagine any husband should do. It was nothing over the top just being supportive and there for me. One of the nurses commented that he was one of the best dad's she has seen in labor/delivery, which yes he was amazing and I'm super thankful to have him by my side but you're telling me other dad's aren't nearly that supportive of simply just being by the women's side comforting them and remaining positive?? Where are people finding these less than great men?

 

[wideopenheart]

@joeybaggz Yup I’m with you! My guy does the things he should be doing and extra stuff for me during pregnancy but I hear other women say their man doesn’t do anything. Makes me feel bad for these moms because they will pull the weight in taking care of the baby.

 

[joshdapasta]

@joeybaggz My coworkers wife said when she had her kids (with previous husband) that he didn’t even come to the hospital for the delivery because he had to work, and that was considered acceptable in her family.

 

[james700]

@melista I die on the inside whenever a dad parenting hits the front page of Reddit. The standards are so low. They’re never going above and beyond - they’re just… parenting. And everybody jumps on their dick about it.

 

[mercy7able]

@james700 Those videos that say “dad helps out mom before her trip” etc i’m just like…

 

[james700]

@mercy7able “Parent braids hair despite lifelong, crippling lack of uterus”

 

[mercy7able]

@james700 standing ovation

 

[deimante]

@james700 I love this so much!!! Hahaha

 

[houseofsaul]

@melista I'm a stay at home mom-- I traverse the world with two small children on the regular. We do all sorts of things, run all sorts of errands. Even when someone melts down, I handle it, and we continue on.

My husband took the kids to the mall one morning, I forget why. He was compliments by no less than three people for being such a great dad, and the cinnabon AND pretzel stands both called out to him and offered him free snacks for his adorable children.

Have I ever once been offered free snacks for my children? Not unless we're at Costco...

My husband tells this story frequently when the bare-minimum dad= great parent conversation comes up.

 

[katrina2017]

@melista People have asked my husband if he’s going to “babysit” our daughter; motherfucker HE IS THEIR DAD, he’ll be parenting her, fucks sake, he’s not the teenage neighbor who pops in to watch baby for a few hours for hot topic money, he’s half their fucking genetic makeup. We both get mad at this because like others here have been saying the bar is subterranean for men/ partners.

 

[markdeleon]

@katrina2017 Subterranean, lol

 

[katrina2017]

This right here [sup][sup][sup]^[/sup][/sup][/sup]