Having another seems less possible every day

[luchadora23]

My husband(39M) and I(34F) have a 3 (almost 4) year old. When I was pregnant we discovered I am a carrier of 2 genetic conditions, one of which is x-linked. After intense discussion my husband and I decided that if we have a second we will use IVF with pgt-m. Unfortunately the pandemic and now inflation have pushed our ability to do this further and further from feasible. Had the pandemic not hit we would have started 2 years ago. And now inflation is hitting us hard financially so now is not possible because of the extra expense of paying for IVF. I’m trying to come to terms with the possibility that we may be one and done but it’s crushing for me some days. Especially when I see friends just get pregnant with no other intervention needed. I had a friend send me a pregnancy announcement for twins last night and while I’m happy for her I’m so sad for myself. I adore my daughter. She’s incredible and I love being a mom. I struggle with the idea that all the firsts we had with her may be lasts and it breaks my heart.

Thanks for listening. I just needed a place to vent.

 

[johncon121]

@luchadora23 I don’t want to pile on and add hope (I’m a similar age facing similar choices) but have you considered using donated embryos? There are so many embryos not being used as of 2023. I think the recent stat I saw was something insane like only 8% of embryos are used. This would give you much more time as it would just be having a working uterus. It won’t be a biological child but it will be your child. I want a bigger family and I don’t really personally care that much about genetics but I know it is important to lots of people so apologies if this wasn’t helpful. Donated embryos with an amino would allow you to double check for any conditions. It’s not ideal or the “perfect” family but its a likely cheaper open door as many people who donate embryos do not charge or charge very little. You would still have to pay for the transfer and the baby I feel your feelings - I love being a mom and would love to do it again. Anxiety may get the best of me (and living in hcol).

 

[xsmn123]

@johncon121 Just want to note that although you might not care about genetics, your child might. If you go with the option of using a donor embryo, it’s worth popping by r/donorconceived or just reading up generally on the experiences of donor conceived people.

 

[marjmorris]

@xsmn123 Here's a sneak peek of /r/donorconceived using the top posts of the year!

#1: I am the extremely rare 30yo well-adjusted double-donor recipient

#2: These groups are not representative of the donor conceived population!

#3: “What’s your dad like? Have you ever met him?”

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[luchadora23]

@johncon121 I will ask my husband what he thinks of this option. Thank you!

 

[harry65]

@luchadora23 Genetic counsellor here!

This might not be an option for you, religiously, but you could conceive naturally and then do something called chorionic villus sampling of the early placenta. It can be done at ten weeks. You could stop the pregnancy if it's a male affected embryo. The odds are in your favour. It would be a 50% chance of a girl, 25% chance of an unaffected boy, or 25% chance of an affected boy. Some people are comfortable with this approach. Just wanted to mention it in case it's something you weren't aware of as an option.

 

[jeahawaii]

@harry65 This is big!

 

[luchadora23]

@harry65 Thank you! We were counseled on this during my first pregnancy. While I am staunchly pro-choice, a termination would absolutely destroy me and my husband emotionally so it’s a method that we’ve decided is not for us. I do appreciate you mentioning it though!

 

[pastordunahugh]

@luchadora23 Hi! Just wanted to offer that there are a ton of Facebook groups about being one and done! Either by choice or not by choice, you just have to search. I struggled with my decision to be one and done and found a lot of support in those groups.

 

[luchadora23]

@pastordunahugh Thank you! I appreciate this!

 

[shicomi]

@luchadora23 We’re currently dealing with secondary infertility, and similarly, traditional IVF is financially unattainable for us right now. However, just by happenstance, one of the issues we’re up against is my low AMH in which case mini IVF is actually a better fit anyway. And it’s about half the cost of a full IVF cycle.

You can do all the same things with mini IVF (or minimal stimulation IVF) - you can do the retrieval, you can do PGT-A testing to make sure they’re genetically normal. But you only use oral meds instead of injectable, so you save a boatload of money on that piece.

Is it perhaps riskier for someone like you to do a round of mini IVF? Maybe. Could be that you’d have to do multiple retrievals to get a genetically normal embryo. BUT, maybe it would only take one cycle.

Just throwing it out there. Not many people know about it as an option.

I totally understand your feelings about the expense of fertility treatments being at odds with your desire for more kids. It’s really being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Solidarity for sure.

 

[luchadora23]

@shicomi Thank you! I was unaware of that option. I will look into it. I appreciate it! Best wishes to you!

 

[shicomi]

@luchadora23 I’m on a one-woman mission to tell people about mini-IVF! It’s very under-talked about as a more attainable financial option. I hope that it might be a good fit for you!