Guilt when Dad looks after baby?

[genine]

Hi all,

My LO is nearly 12 weeks old and myself and husband adore him absolutely. I’m currently on MAT leave from my job as a teacher, husband went back to work when LO was 3 weeks old.

My question is - does anyone else feel bad when their partner returns from work and asking them to help out with baby?
E.g doing bathtime, feeding, bedtime routine

I feel like to him, I currently ‘just’ look after baby, I didn’t realise how full on a baby is! I’m finding it impossible to clean and cook as much as I’d like to in the day so I’ve taken to doing it when husband arrives home from work - usually around 10pm - and staying up late doing housework but I’m starting to feel burnt out.

My husband is working hard at work and has a stressful job. I’d just like other people’s experiences of balancing this whole new family dynamic really.

Thanks to anyone who takes time to reply

 

[brokenjohninchrist]

@genine I do feel guilty, but grateful. Being a SAHM I told myself that I would do every nighttime feeding so my husband could sleep and be refreshed for work. I struggled hard. LO wakes up twice during the night so he takes the first feeding and I do the second. It took me awhile to ask for help. Turns out he was more than willing to help and told me not to feel guilty.

 

[crownfair]

@genine No. I don’t feel bad asking my husband to parent as a partner. I’m a SAHM. While my husband is working, I don’t bother him unless it’s an emergency (he’s WFH) such as an injury. Outside of when he’s working, we both share the parenting responsibilities evenly. We acknowledge that other household responsibilities also count towards parenting though. So if my husband says he’s going to rake the yard, I’ve got parenting. At the start, we split night wake ups evenly.

Now, I’m pregnant with twins. I’ve had a very hard pregnancy and my husband has taken the lead on parenting after work hours so I can rest. He doesn’t ask for anything in return, because in his mind, this is best for our family.

Split up labor however you choose in your house though. As long as it feels even between you and your husband, that’s all that matters. But never feel guilty asking him to parent or take care of his child while you leave the house.

 

[okieallday]

@genine Hell no!! It’s his baby too!

I’m on maternity leave. My husband doesn’t get any parental leave, but he works from home. We split the nights and he does what he can during the day when he’s not busy with work. I exclusively pump and he washes all the bottles and pump parts.

In my experience, the more involved he is, the stronger his bond is with the baby, and the more he appreciates that childcare is like double full time work.

 

[mezete]

@okieallday This first line!

Husband has been co-sleeping with the lo and was saying how hard it has been to sleep. I told him to tell me when it has been nine months and we can call it even (pregnancy insomnia was so bad I would often just go back and forth between the bed and couch all night long). Being the stay at home parent is hard! I was thinking back to when I was working full time and it was a joke compared to what I’m doing today.