I’ve seen similar posts, but I guess I just need reassurance that I’m not a bad mom for not making it to the hospital every day. We had twins at 33 weeks and 3 days. They are now 23 days old. Twin B, our little boy, was IUGR, so he’s still there just feeding and growing, but his sister came home at 11 days old. I usually take sister with me to see him and to make it less daunting for my husband (we have a 5 year old and 9 year old as well). She eats every 3 hours and I’m pumping every 2-3 hours, so it’s a lot of coordination to go. On the days that I feel too worn out to go, my husband has gone. I’m trying to give myself grace and remind myself that I have a preemie newborn at home too. I’m a Peds nurse with some NICU experience so I’m pretty clear on his plan and what to expect. I just want to make sure we will still be able to bond and that we won’t have any attachment issues
@christianghurl I only had one baby in NICU and I didn't manage to make it in every day. On the days I couldn't go my husband would visit too. You need to take care of yourself, you are going through a lot and pumping on top of it all is so exhausting! The whole journey is a marathon, not a sprint. If you need rest you need rest, taking care of yourself is not negotiable. My little one is a year and a half now and thriving. She did not miss out because I couldn't be there some days and she has a healthy attachment to both parents now.
@christianghurl You’re doing such a good job! Both babies are lucky to have you. You can absolutely take a day to stay home and still bond with your son. The logistics of visiting the NICU are daunting enough, and you’re doing it while bringing his sister with you? You’re amazing!
@christianghurl You are not a bad mom you are the furthest thing from it.
NICU guilt is a real thing, and if I learned anything to get through 6 months, it’s that you have to give yourself the grace to be a human while you, your husband and LO’s adjust to your current situation. You are juggling a lot and are human
I felt so guilty but at the same time I had to manage my ability to take care of myself and see my baby. A nurse once said to me “if the cup is empty, there will be nothing to pour”
All easier said than done, but I know you will get there
@christianghurl You are not a bad mom! My baby has been in the nicu 11 weeks and I have always taken 1 day off per week, on weekdays so I can get some work done and my husband usually has not gone on those days either. It kills me to think of her alone. We were just moved to a new nicu and the rules are less strict on visitors, so now my mom can go on my days off but I still worry about her being lonely. Just remember the nicu is the best place for your baby right now, and has highly trained and compassionate babysitters around all the time. I know it's so hard mama, especially juggling pumping and another kiddo too. hang in there.
you are the furthest thing from it.