This weekend we took our almost six month old to see both of our families (a 2.5 hour trip one way). He did AMAZING! Husband and I were extremely anxious about the trip, worrying he wouldn’t sleep or nap or be miserable. He was totally chill (not saying this to brag as I suffere from terrible PPA). After a few hours, my mom of course gave me the “when are you giving him a friend?” Comment. I laughed and said we are happily one and done. She continued that if I have them close together they’ll have a better relationship. It absolutely made my skin crawl. I told her there’s no guarantee at all that will happen. She has one sister who I was more close with than my own mom who died one week before my wedding. And another (she’s the baby) who she stopped talking to since Christmas over something petty. J reminded her she doesn’t even talk to her siblings but she still went on to say “we aren’t that close in age”…. It’s like 6 years mind you. I also have a brother I am almost 9 years apart with and we now get along great. My sister who I was four years apart from unfortunately passed in 2020 and we were not that close at all. I don’t understand these generations in encouraging us to have children just to give them friends. I feel like we got so lucky with the one baby we have (it was hard to even have one due to fertility issues) and frankly the sleep deprivation was so beyond awful in the beginning I told my husband j never want to feel this way again. He’s becoming such a chill little person for now, why wouldn’t want to risk another one being complete opposite!? I told my mom I’d rather be a great mom to one than a good mom to two.
Finally got the “when are you giving him a friend” from mom
- Thread starter isika
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ababwaalijaz
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@mikemu777 Alternatively, I feel like it's kind of sad to think a sibling should be responsible for fulfilling an existing child's social and friendship needs (and this is assuming the kids even get along). Is your child really incapable of having social opportunities beyond those with their sibling(s)? Unless you intend to keep your child home at all times with limited interactions outside of his or her immediate family, I don't see how a sibling is necessary for socialization and companionship. Children need to learn to co-exist and socialize amongst all kinds of people, not just those that exist within the confines of their own home. If a person WANTS more kids, that's one thing, but to have another simply as a favor to your existing kid is just bizarre and narrow-minded.
Also, having children close in age actually increases the risk of sibling rivalry, jealousy, & competitiveness. The "ideal" 2- 3 year age difference between kids is actually the most likely to cause trouble. Sure, being close in age may make it more likely that they will play together, but the likelihood of fighting and other negative aspects shouldn't be swept under the rug.
Also, having children close in age actually increases the risk of sibling rivalry, jealousy, & competitiveness. The "ideal" 2- 3 year age difference between kids is actually the most likely to cause trouble. Sure, being close in age may make it more likely that they will play together, but the likelihood of fighting and other negative aspects shouldn't be swept under the rug.
himynameislorn
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jessieward
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@jessieward I actually did! She responded “if I could I would”. I said well…. Then not happening 
jessieward
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ababwaalijaz
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@jessieward ABSOLUTELY - I feel this so much! So many Boomer grandparents want the grandkids so they have pics to slap up on Facebook, but otherwise, help, or even visits, are few and far between. My father and step-mother live only 15 minutes away, and I basically had to FIGHT with my father to visit on a regular basis. In my daughter's first year, I saw them maybe 4 or 5 times. My step-mother CONSTANTLY would bother me for photos of my child, just to share all over Facebook and give the impression of being some beloved, involved grandparent. When they would visit, she would be on her phone 90% of the time and just trying to get pics versus any real interaction with my daughter. My father was much better at actually playing with her, but now they've chosen to sell their house and move 2 hours away, so my daughter won't be seeing much of either of them anymore. Her preference was to live near my half-brother (her only biological child), and my father wants to do whatever it takes to keep her happy. My father has two OTHER grandchildren by my older brother, and he only ever would visit them on birthdays and some holidays (he lived less than an hour away!). Essentially my father is moving away from all of his grandkids to live closer to my unmarried, childless younger brother.
My mother IS actually involved and we talk every other day, but she lives an hour away, so we see her maybe twice a month. We almost always have to drive to her house though, because she hates driving. However, she gives my daughter COMPLETE attention and my daughter is OBSESSED with her. Mind you, my mother is MUCH better grandmother than she was a mother. She had a lot of mental health and personal issues when we were growing up, and we suffered a good amount of trauma because of it. However, after many years of her getting therapy, treatment and medications, she is doing much better and is able to at least be an involved grandparent, even while living at a bit of a distance. My father and step-mother, on the other hand, have been so inconsistent and it honestly just pisses me off. My husband's parents are dead, so we just have some of his maternal aunts and uncles that we treat as her grandparents on that side. It's not the same, but at least it's something.
My mother IS actually involved and we talk every other day, but she lives an hour away, so we see her maybe twice a month. We almost always have to drive to her house though, because she hates driving. However, she gives my daughter COMPLETE attention and my daughter is OBSESSED with her. Mind you, my mother is MUCH better grandmother than she was a mother. She had a lot of mental health and personal issues when we were growing up, and we suffered a good amount of trauma because of it. However, after many years of her getting therapy, treatment and medications, she is doing much better and is able to at least be an involved grandparent, even while living at a bit of a distance. My father and step-mother, on the other hand, have been so inconsistent and it honestly just pisses me off. My husband's parents are dead, so we just have some of his maternal aunts and uncles that we treat as her grandparents on that side. It's not the same, but at least it's something.