Feeling like a bit of a failure

[byhimforhim]

First time mom and I have no idea what I'm doing. I can't understand the different types of cries, the longest stretch of sleep overnight he's gotten is 2.5 hours, I misinterpret his cues all the time. Currently up at 3am with him because I thought he was hungry, but he keeps smiling and wiggling and doesn't seem interested in the bottle. Ugh. Idk man.

Edit: you're all so encouraging. Thank you so much.

 

[stargazerpilgrim]

@byhimforhim I never understood the different type of cries either so don’t worry. As long as you’re making sure he’s fed, dry, and clean you are doing amazing! Newborn sleep is crazy and doesn’t make any sense, don’t beat yourself up. I know it’s hard when you’re running on empty and it’s easier for me to say. But you are not a failure.

 

[byhimforhim]

@stargazerpilgrim Thank you. I see all these posts about people's newborns getting 5+ hours of sleep overnight and having this perfectly structured routine and I'm just going with the flow and winging it . I know I shouldn't compare, but it's tough.

 

[rhemajoy]

@byhimforhim Our baby is 9 months old and still wakes every two hours. No one understands these creatures! They all do their own thing. I don’t get the routine people either. Especially during the first few months, it’s like, you have a routine?!! What? how? There is no logic to my baby!

 

[kie]

@byhimforhim I see those posts too and do not understand the routine thing. My baby just started to develop a pattern but it isn’t strict. Like she will eat usually between 12pm-2pm but when exactly depends on the day. And that pattern didn’t emerge until about 8 or 9 weeks I think. Try not to compare yourself to those people. You’re doing great!!!

 

[teksoft]

@byhimforhim (it's not bragging)I have on of those kid who get 5+ hour overnight, since birth.It's not because " we did something right".

And It's hell.Because it mean your kid don't wakeup when he is hungry, so he will be quickly dehydrated loosing weight.So we have to put an alarm every 2.30 hour, EVEN at night. Alarm who wake only us... and not the baby. And waking up a baby to feed him is Very hard, and look like borderline abuse.After waking him up and feed him(count 1 hour) , you could be sure nor him nor you will be able to be bake to sleep. But you need to, because now the next alarm is in 1h30.

Also everyone is like " you should never wake up a sleeping baby, stupid mum!" and you doctor are like " he is still not gaining enough weight, you should wake him up more"

So, basicaly, our night are as bad as the one of the parent when the baby sleep only 1 hour at the time.

 

[tessaherrin]

@teksoft Yes this! Tonight my baby slept 5 hours and I woke up stressed to see if he was breathing. He needs to feed but was sound asleep after witching hour. After that long stretch he will then wake up every 2 hours to feed. People aren’t bragging they are sharing their experiences with their babies. Babies are all different.

 

[sarnmere]

@tessaherrin This just happened to us last night for the first time! He slept for five hours straight on my husband’s shift. My hubby woke up worried that something was wrong because LO hadn’t woken up around the time he usually does. He had to wake him up to feed him. After that, it was my shift, and LO was waking every two hours for a feed.

 

[stargazerpilgrim]

@byhimforhim I get it! It’s hard not to when it’s constantly in your face on social media. My son is 20 months now and I promise it gets better. When I was on maternity leave with him I tried my best to get into a routine but with a newborn there was no routine lol hoping you get a couple more hours of sleep before the sun comes up!

 

[rhemajoy]

@byhimforhim Our baby is 9 months old and still wakes every two hours. No one understands these creatures! They all do their own thing. I don’t get the routine people either. Especially during the first few months, it’s like, you have a routine?!! What? how? There is no logic to my baby!

 

[jcf18]

@byhimforhim my baby is 7 months and still doesn't sleep five hours straight at night the most she does sleep is three hours at a time

 

[overbat]

@byhimforhim Our guy is 8 weeks old, and basically ALL of his cues just changed. I felt like I had it down before, and now I'm sitting in his nursery drinking a coffee, because I brought him in here to get his morning started. Turns out he wasn't awake, just in active sleep and I could be sleeping right now. The other day, I thought he was hungry due to the amount of hand-chewing he was doing. NOPE! resulted in the Niagara falls of spit up as I overfed him. He wakes up once a night sometimes, other times he wakes up 3 times a night. Why? I have no fucking idea!

All of this to say: you've got this girl. Things are going to change day by day, and as long as you roll with it to the bestow your ability, and try to enjoy it as much as you can.

 

[kie]

@overbat Trial and error! Same here.

 

[gypsymay]

@byhimforhim Don't know how far you're in the game but my little girl is 9 weeks and it's still sooo difficult to interpret her clues. I don't think she is angry with me since she doesn't know any better. As the other commenter said, as long as little one is dry, feed and does poo and pee, it's fine. The older they get, clues will change anyway (mine used to put her hand in her mouth when hungry, now she just entertains herself with it) and it will get clearer the older they get.

It's all about surviving this first part!

 

[byhimforhim]

@gypsymay He's 8 weeks old. I'm glad I'm not alone in that area! It's so hard, I can't wait until he's able to communicate because my mom intuition is lacking

 

[gypsymay]

@byhimforhim I know exactly how you feel. My midwife always says "you are the expert for your baby! " and I'm thinking, heck, I'm a real bad excuse for an expert. More like the underage trainee on its first day on the job.

Just a few more weeks and I'm sure we'll get way more info out of that little bundle of joy!

 

[teksoft]

@byhimforhim sorry for the poor english.

Everything you describe is normal and ok, from the baby being in play mode at 3AM to you not being able to interpret cues to the "no idea what I'm doing".

Your kid is barely at the age when he could start to understand the difference between night and day, and it can take month. It's suppose to be helped on having less light on the evening and when he wake up during the night ( using a portable lamp or a night light hand instead of regular room lamp help mine a lot)

For the other issue, I'm in the same boat as you. No idea.

But I'm under the feeling that my kid "had to learn too" which cue to do when he need something. He only start at 6 week to have a specific sound of cry to do when he is hungry, and he continue to do the mouth cue of "I'm hungry" when he is over full and throwing up.

 

[thegospel]

@byhimforhim You're not a failure. Those first few weeks are the hardest it will ever be. Lack of sleep is torture and you're still healing.

I also struggled to understand the different cries often and mostly relied on her body language to help. If she's crying and smacking her lips or sucking her hand, that usually means she's hungry. If she's staring off into the distance and seems a little disoriented then she's probably getting tired. If she's smiling and making eye contact, she wants to play or be interacted with. If she's not doing any of those, I assume she's uncomfortable and go to a different room/ put her in a different position/ change her clothes or diaper.

It's a lot, it's scary, and it's hard, but you can do this. You ARE doing it. Hang in there, mama.

 

[dartmanii]

@byhimforhim Mom of 4 here, this is NORMAL. You aren’t doing anything wrong at all. 2.5 hour stretch is totally normal.

You get a little bit better with knowing cries and anticipating needs with subsequent kids, but what they don’t tell you is most of kid’s ability to sleep and how well you can sooth them based on their temperament. It has absolutely nothing to do with you at all.

 

[lalaw]

@byhimforhim Sweetheart you will make yourself sick comparing yourself to others, whether that’s on social media, in books, in blogs. It’s all going to make you even more anxious, tired, and depressed than you already are.

I was a basket case for the first three weeks of my daughters life. Tried to get her to fall into whatever targeted marketing program I found that day/week. I quite literally had a breakdown.

The day i stopped trying to get her to fall into what everyone else was telling me to do, and just leaned into what SHE was telling me she needed (along with my own primal instincts), we both found our rhythm, and it has been an amazing ride since.

Not to say there haven’t been bumps. Because of course there have been. But trust yourself. Trust your child.

You got this!!