F/U: Why Even Ask?

[boloyo]

Hi everyone,

I made a post just about a month ago about my friend asking about my TTC journey and how she proceeded to give me almost every "Bingo" phrase in the book. I also mentioned how she started trying last month and previously had been successful very quickly. I noted that I needed to start working on my poker face.

Well, today I was sitting on my couch about to wind down for the day and I got a message from her. Opened up the message and it's a pick with two positive tests and a message saying "ummmmm, I guess I'm pregnant?" She informed me her app had altered her she was 5 days late so she went out and got some tests and how it "really does happen when you least expect it." She also offered up that they only did the BD 2 or 3 times this month, right at the start of ovulation, incase that's helpful to us.

I love her so much. And to her credit, she did say she "wasn't trying to brag" and that she realizes it may be frustrating for her to have told me about this. So at least she's thinking about how it might affect me a bit. And at the end of the day, I'm very happy for her and her little growing family. She didn't steal my pregnancy. Her success has nothing to do with my struggle.

But damn if I didn't have a good 5 minute laugh and cry when I got her message. This sucks.

That's all. I just wanted to post an update, mostly for my own venting.

 

[missswiss]

@boloyo Call me crazy, but it does seem insensitive for her to be sending you messages like this. I remember getting a message from my sister in law days after a CP that she was aware of saying “our family is growing...”. And she wasn’t even referring to herself but her other brother’s wife who was pregnant. I think there are much more tactful ways to tell your friends who are struggling to conceive.

 

[boloyo]

@missswiss Yah, it definitely took me by surprise. Honestly though, I'd prefer being told like this where I could deal with my feelings in private. That's better than her telling me in person and me having to keep a happy face up. I don't know what a good way to tell someone would be. It's going to hurt initially no matter what.

 

[missswiss]

@boloyo Yeah you’re right. I suppose I meant a more tactful way of telling you via text. Certainly in person would have been much harder.

 

[katrina2017]

@boloyo I think that was shitty of her knowing your struggles. You'd think these people would keep it to themselves for a little while instead of rushing to tell us their news. The bingo responses don't bother me at all as I do think positive stories help but I hate the "relax and it will happen" reply. Asif relaxing as anything to do with infertility.

 

[mmusa83]

@boloyo No that’s very insensitive of your friend. If she know you are trying for a baby, she should have chosen a more tactful approach.

And it does sound like she was bragging, if she know how frustrating it is then perhaps a phone call instead of a picture of two positive tests would have been much sensitive.

 

[munchkin88]

@mmusa83 I agree the picture of the tests was too much. But genuine question, I've always heard a phone call might put too much pressure on an instant response and a text might be better. Do you feel that there is a happy medium?

 

[joyfully_broken]

@boloyo My sister was like this and she easily got pregnant with her two kids. I told her about my loss at 10 weeks last year after trying for over a year with PCOS and fertility treatments, and she decided to "helpfully" tell me about when ovulation happens, checking CM or tried to offer her old BBT thermometer "in case I haven't heard about temping". My eyes rolled so far to the back of my head.