Expenses for 4 v 5 kids?

[ambereyes12]

My husband (46m) and I (40f) currently have four kids at home (9,7,3,2). We live in a large enough (albeit with most sharing rooms) house zoned to the best public schools and drive a car that fits everyone.
We have one frozen embryo that we had been planning to implant before we had our surprise baby that just turned two. The last embryo is always on my mind, and I want to give it a try, but my husband is stressed about the finances.
We both love having a bigger family, but not sure if one more is financially responsible.
Obviously the big costs like college and cars are there, but as far as day to day living, what would you say the cost increase would be to add a fifth (assuming it is a healthy baby).
Also, our kids are still fairly young, so I’m sure there are expenses I’m not considering, so you might mention those as well. TIA

 

[haydnp]

@ambereyes12 Echoing another commenter that the cost increase isn’t felt until they get older. For us, the punches started being felt around middle school. That’s where my eldest is now and it’s getting quite costly.

I mean, we could survive with a fifth. But it would mean less opportunities for each child. Due to both financial and time constraints. The older they get, the busier you get. There’s only so much time in the day for each kid. That’s the reality.

If I were you though, and I had an embryo in the wings like that, I would 100% use it regardless of these things. That is admittedly for strictly religious reasons though and I recognize that’s not a factor for everyone.

 

[sakranomoko]

@haydnp I am not super strict religiously but I also agree I’d 100% use it also.

 

[seinfeld]

@ambereyes12 I didn't even notice a cost increase honestly until number 5 got a little older. Then of course holidays are more expensive and vacations but we normally rent a house for a week at the beach so the price doesn't go up by adding in 1 more kid. Food is expensive if you have 10 kids or no kids but if you already have 4 then I trust you know how go budget meals and meal prep makes a huge difference too. Do that once a week instead of waiting till 6pm when you're tired and don't feel like cooking it will save you a lot. I am pregnant currently with number 6 but we moved into a new home last year with a lot more space and we bought a car that will fit another baby because we knew we wanted 6. I say go for it! There is not a HUGE difference between 4 and 5

 

[jesusfolloweranthony]

@ambereyes12 OP, to add some things others haven't mentioned as I have 5 kids.

Vacations got much more expensive just because finding a hotel room for 6 is possible, but not for 7. That leaves us with 2 rooms or a vacation rental, both of which are much more than just one room. We like to camp and visit family, so have other options. I do miss the frequency of vacations, but not more than #5

We didn't see much of a difference in food or clothing since we already use hand me downs as much as possible. Shoes do start to have an effect as kids get older, my kids moved into adult sizes in the preteen years, and need regular and maybe athletic, dress shoes, etc. Preteen years are also when we started to see an effect on the clothing budget as you get less hand me downs, kids have their own styles, etc. We thrift shop, but you do have to buy some stuff new, thrifting isn't what it used to be
Car insurance as they start driving.

Restaurants, especially with recent price increases. Teen years, they're eating like an adult and frequently more than I eat. We reduce expenses while at home by gardening, making budget friendly meals. We don't really do fast food, so even fast casual can be $100.

 

[ambereyes12]

@jesusfolloweranthony Thanks for detailing some of these expenses! I did find that going from 3 to 4 kids impacted our travel significantly because we have to get two rooms. My husband and I used to travel a lot before we had kids, so we miss that, but I see that in our future once our kids are older.
We will have mostly girls, and I know that clothes and shoes will be expensive as they get older, but I think that is not necessarily a good reason not to have another. I worked and babysat when I was younger, and I think that’s a good way to supplement any wardrobe that we are able to provide.
We don’t do fast food, either for the most part, but I have noticed that fast casual is getting super expensive! Food costs, and that way are definitely a consideration, but we also cook at home a lot and grow some of our own vegetables and what not.

 

[jesusfolloweranthony]

@ambereyes12 I would definitely not give up my 5th for more vacations or more restaurants, as you said, I see that in our retirement. Most importantly, you and your spouse both need to be on board. I've seen a marriage fall apart when both did not commit to one more and that was only from 1 to 2 kids.

I don't think that making sure that each child has time, opportunities, and support gets harder with 5, you just need to make it a priority. Also, considering you are a SAHP you already have the time built in. I say this coming from a place where my husband was a SAHD for years and now works only part-time.

 

[ambereyes12]

@jesusfolloweranthony Yes, we are very intentional with our kids, so even though we are spread thin, I am not concerned about the amount of attention each gets.
I agree we both need to be on board, he says he would love another child if money wasn’t an issue, so I’m hoping to show him that would (kind of) be the case.

 

[doge9000]

@ambereyes12 I think you should go for it! The biggest cost for kids is daycare or the opportunity cost of one parent staying home. Everything else is either negligible in the long run (diapers, extra food) or a choice (college, cars).

If you implant the embryo it may or may not take. It sounds like either choice will be fine, so why not go for it?

 

[ambereyes12]

@doge9000 This is exactly how I feel! But I’m trying to understand my husband‘s point of view as well. I do work, but part-time and from home, so he is the main financial provider. I don’t want to put undue stress on him, but also, I don’t want to let finances hold us back if they aren’t a huge difference.
The embryo we have is genetically tested and very highly graded, so would most likely work, but it’s not a guarantee, and I feel like if it is not supposed to happen, it won’t.

 

[katrina2017]

@ambereyes12 For those of you who are giving OP a hard time, I believe I understand where she is going with this.

She never said they were struggling now, but any family would have to anticipate the costs of adding another member.

She mentioned she’s aware of the big ticket items (college, a car, maybe a home deposit or wedding). And it sounds like they can manage the negligible expenses: extra food, extra clothing, extra utilities, etc.

So her question is, what are we missing? Are there factors that we haven’t accounted for already?

OP, you’ve already gone from 2 to 3 and 3 to 4. This is no different. I don’t think the cost of having another child will be significantly more. However, and I suspect this is your husband’s concern, things are more expensive than ever, credit card debt for Americans is through the roof, inflation is out of control. The world is becoming increasingly expensive year over year. God forbid he loses his job or his business takes a nose dive… What if one of you falls ill? Everything changes in these “what if” situations and having one more child to look after and a very young one at that, can be quite stressful.

 

[ambereyes12]

@katrina2017 thank you, I really appreciate this comment.
I feel like the biggest hurdles financially were going from 1 to 2, and from 3 to 4 because they required extra space (house, car, hotels, etc). I don’t expect there to be no increase in expenses, but I am just realistically trying to gauge if there was anything I wasn’t considering.
I agree that life in general is more expensive now, and it gives me pause, but I feel very attached to the last embryo we have, and I know I will feel guilty not giving it a shot

 

[katrina2017]

@ambereyes12 You’ve got the house, the car, the hand me downs, I think you’ll be okay.

But I also think, you should have the conversation with your husband about his concerns. I remember when we had our last child my husband had to increase his life insurance payout; it was a big, scary thing for us to consider the worst case scenario…

I have three embryos waiting for us. I think about them everyday. But I also know we just don’t have the mental capacity to manage one more child.

 

[ambereyes12]

@katrina2017 That’s definitely fair, I do talk to him about it, but I am more emotional about the decision and I don’t want to be unreasonable. I wanted to get some back up from people who have been there.
He has a pretty large life insurance policy already, but that is a good tip.
Also, if I had more than one embryo, I wouldn’t even be considering transferring. It’s a very long story, but the way that everything played out makes me feel very connected to this last embryo. Even if I had two more, I would not go for another transfer. I would be thrilled to have another baby, but one more would be my limit.

 

[hawkssr]

@ambereyes12 Just want to make sure that you realise that emotional does not (necessarily) mean unreasonable.

 

[katrina2017]

@ambereyes12 Good luck to you and your family!

 

[ambereyes12]

@katrina2017 Thank you!

 

[coachdonald22]

@ambereyes12 Are your little ones in daycare? Adding another baby to our already very high daycare bill was why my husband and I waited a bit to have our 4th. We couldn’t afford to have 3 kids in daycare so we waited until our 2nd would be in full-time school by the time #4 is born.

 

[ambereyes12]

@coachdonald22 That is a good consideration, but not really applicable for us. I do work part-time, but from home, so we only use a Mother’s Day out program that is more affordable. Plus by the time I had another, we would only have one in Mother’s Day out, and the rest in public school.

 

[1way76]

@ambereyes12 Our difference in cost between 4 and 5 is negligible. The biggest cost is diapers - I tried cloth diapering the last 2 and they broke out terribly every time I tried. The first babies broke out if I thought about using disposables.

We did need a bigger car. We went from a Flex to a Tahoe.

Food isn't a huge deal because we already cook for an army and they're still little. We imagine the teenage years will get expensive at the grocery store, but we know it's coming.

It's not a popular parenting opinion, but we will encourage trades, not college, when the time comes.

Clothing is a relatively small cost because I shop for really good deals and we use hand-me-downs. All the kids get their wardrobes infused with a few new things at Christmas, Easter, and birthdays, or as needed.

Sports are somewhat a wash in our household. The kids are all active, but every time we've put them in something it's not well lead and/or they lose interest really fast.

We're a few years in, but don't feel the difference in the last couple of kids yet, aside from diapers every couple of months.