Everyone thinks I’m crazy. Am I?

[tisanewseason]

I’d love some support or advice from anyone else who is/was still contact napping beyond 12 months; my baby girl is nearly 14 months old and her 2 naps are fully contact with nipple in mouth. Occasionally she unlatches; mostly not. If I unlatch or move she wakes up. I’m a SAHM so I’m lucky enough to be able to lean into this, and it feels right for us for now, but most people (friends and boomers alike) act like I’m mental. It’s making me feel like I must be?

If any of the comments below are triggering for you, please stand in solidarity with me; I’m feeling really judged atm.

HoW dO YoU GeT AnYtHinG dOnE .. I don’t. I do my best to cook, clean etc when she’s awake. When she’s asleep I nap or scroll.

YoU WoNt bE AbLe tO Do ThIs WiTh a SeCoNd .. well currently I’m one & done; if that changes maybe #2 will be a more chill sleeper. Or not. We’ll cross that bridge if needed.

OuRs JuSt SlePt iN tHe PrAm WhiLe We WeRe OuT & aBoUt .. good for you. Yes I’ve tried. Obviously I’ve tried. Multiple meltdowns ensued.

Update: you guys have delivered, thank you! Still working my way through comments while baby girl sleeps soundly all snuggled and warm and attached to my boob. I appreciate each and every one of you feeling much more positive today.

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@tisanewseason Mom of a 16 month old who’s only co-slept here. I’m writing this as he also naps on me while latched.

Pay no mind to what people say, you are not crazy. I swear some boomers have a selective memory about what it’s like to have baby and they think they were perfect parents that always had a one-step solution to any parenting problem. They haven’t been baby parents in years so their opinion doesn’t matter anymore. Most of what they operated on is out of date.

I’ve heard all the same things and was even pressured by my mom to sleep train at one point (full on cry it out). It went horribly and I swore I would never subject my son to that again. I realized at that time that I had to trust my instincts and only I (and hubby) would know what’s best for our son.

You’re fortunate to be a SAHM and if this setup it working for you and feels right, there’s no shame in keeping it up. If it’s not working, you can always make gradual changes to get your daughter to sleep more independently (that doesn’t include cry it out sleep training). There’s a great page on instagram called myconnectedmotherhood that focusses on this.

From my experience though, my son gradually started unlatching and rolling away from me on his own. I’m hoping for my case that means he will eventually just not need the boob anymore to sleep, but even still I’m thinking of finding other ways to get him to sleep (especially since I go back to work in March).

Whatever you decide to do, you got this. Trust your gut. Don’t let people get in your head (easier said than done, I know). You know best what your daughter needs

 

[tisanewseason]

@imagebeastmarkbeast Selective memory is the disease of the boomer generation.

I’m sorry you were pressured into CIO; so easily done when you feel like an outlier and this is your first experience on the job! When my LO was a few weeks old my husband insisted we needed to try to ‘train’ her to sleep in the bassinet; she cried for nearly one minute and I literally tore him to pieces with mum rage. He didn’t know any better. I didn’t know any better. My instincts were screaming at me. It never happened again. The three of us now happily cosleep but it was a learning curve. I love having her snuggled next to me both for naps and night time sleep.

Thank you for your validation and support; I hope your transition back to work isn’t too tough on either you or your baby boy

 

[imagebeastmarkbeast]

@tisanewseason You are very welcome, I’m glad it was helpful!

Good on you for trusting your instincts so quickly and I’m glad you guys are embracing what works for you!

We tried CIO for one night and my son cried for 5.5 hours (with two 20 minute “breaks” where he fell asleep out of exhaustion and then would wake back up to cry again) and it didn’t matter how much we comforted him. I was so sleep deprived and desperate for it to work because that’s what I was told would work. For three days after that, he wasn’t the same cheerful baby and he had practically lost his voice. When I told my mom I couldn’t bear it anymore, she didn’t speak to me for two weeks and told me I wasn’t doing what was best for my son lol. It hurt my feelings for sure, but from then on I decided I wasn’t going to talk about his sleep with her anymore. Co-sleeping was the best decision we made for everyone’s well being and I agree that the cuddles are amazing!

 

[tisanewseason]

@imagebeastmarkbeast She didn’t speak to you for two weeks!! Honestly the only thing I can take from that is that she needed to take time out to question her experience. No shade on your mum specifically at all. They don’t know what they don’t know hopefully things are better with you guys now. 5.5 hours sounds absolutely brutal, but no doubt the experience is long forgotten for him and you’ve more than made up for it since with all the cosleeping. Sleep deprivation + boomer advice is a recipe for disaster

 

[ptom]

@tisanewseason You’ll never regret contact napping. My baby was very similar- she’s 20 months and now naps on her own. I didn’t really do much to make that happened- I just started lying her down one day But I nurse her to sleep every time. We bed share and only stopped nursing her during night wake-ups this week. I am actually due with my 2nd (in Feb, she’ll be 22 months) and people LOVE to tell me my system won’t work with 2. I’m just following my instincts and I’ve accepted that my life will be baby-centric for 2 years with each child. Maybe I’ll feel the need to do things drastically different with 2, maybe I won’t. It’s a personal choice and all you can do is what feels right for you.

 

[vinhhali]

@ptom How did night weaning go? Did the wakeups get horrible before they got better?

 

[thepcwife]

@vinhhali I’m in the middle of it right now with my 22 month old- we’re starting with no nursing from 12-3 and going to expand the hours every few days until he’s only nursing at bedtime and in the morning. First night was an hour of angry crying where partner and I took turns comforting him, and the last two nights have been ten and then five minutes of fussing and he cuddled to sleep with minimal tears and no angry scream-crying

 

[ptom]

@vinhhali I followed Dr Jay Gordon’s plan and fully recommend it! Back in December, she was waking to nurse 5-6 times a night. She’d fall asleep quickly, but sometimes I wouldn’t.
There were a few hard hard wakeups where she would cry for 20-40 minutes. I held her, offered water, sang, snuggled. It sucked but I knew it was a must bc I’ll have a newborn in Feb.

So now, after a full week of no milk at all from 9-6 she wakes consistently once a night and is sometimes quick to snuggle to sleep and sometimes (like last night) needs a lot of comfort. I went from lots of short wakeups to one longer and more stressful wakeup… she also wakes around 5-6 wanting milk. If it’s within 10 minutes of 6 I just nurse her. Any earlier and it’s a stressful wake up of tears and comfort.

So far night weaning has not resulted in sleeping through the night, but hopefully soon!

 

[vinhhali]

@ptom Thank you, I appreciate this info as we’re doing the Jay Gordon method right now. We’ve gotten through the first step (took much longer than 3 days) where my baby can be unlatched still drowsy and roll over to go to sleep on her own, which is transformative for my baby in particular and took like 10 nights. I’m afraid my baby is too young to understand the next step of being denied milk completely from 11-3 but then being allowed milk prior and after. I don’t know how long it will take for her to “get” it and how much sleep we’ll lose in the process. She’s 13 months. Hearing your account and how it’s not 0 to perfection is really helpful perspective.

 

[ptom]

@vinhhali I stayed in the first step for a long time because it felt like such an improvement and I was scared to move forward too. My daughter LOVES the book “Sally Weans from Night Nursing”. I definitely recommend it. She grabs it to read all the time

 

[vinhhali]

@ptom Thank you! I thought the first step was making her wake to nurse less but based on last night it’s not the case—she woke every hour from 1-6!

 

[ptom]

@vinhhali Oh that’s rough. Mine is a really light sleeper and used to wake that often too. I have started having her on her own mattress at first. It’s right by our king mattress, both on the floor. So she just crawls over to me after her first wakeup, usually after 4ish hours. I think my own movements tend to wake her up, she’s a light sleeper.

 

[tisanewseason]

@ptom You’ll never regret contact napping love this, thank you.

I figure just as with everything else they’ll move on when they’re ready to move on, and I’m too tired and lazy to fight it (I love my contact naps btw, in case it sounds like I don’t!)

Wishing you lots of luck with the transition and #2. Keep fighting those naysayers

 

[ptom]

@tisanewseason It sounds like you’re making the most of the naps! I used to get all prepped with snacks, headphones, book/book lamp, etc. Sometimes it’s a more relaxing break if you’re not watching the monitor anxiously checking for a wake up haha

 

[tisanewseason]

@ptom Yes I totally agree!! In the evenings I’m able to sneak away for a bit with the monitor on once she’s in a deep enough sleep, but I swear all I do is watch it at least if I’m here (I’m in bed with her rn) if she wakes up all she needs to do it reposition herself and go back to sleep

 

[squeaker1]

@tisanewseason My universal response to questions like these is a polite and gentle "hmm." With a nod. Like "ok, I hear you." You don't owe anyone more than that!

 

[tisanewseason]

@squeaker1 I become very defensive like ‘I know it sounds mad but..’ and I have to stop demeaning myself and my parenting in that way

 

[squeaker1]

@tisanewseason It literally has the opposite of the intended effect.

 

[tisanewseason]

@squeaker1 Absolutely agreed, and I frustrate myself! Empowering myself going forwards