davidjgreen
New member
I have one bio kid (the 17yoDD), 15SD who doesn’t really like me and isn’t interested in having a relationship with me even though I just want to be there for her and give her love and who is here every other weekend and on Wed. and Thurs. nights) with my BF, 16SS/13SD (who I used to still have come spend weekends sometimes with me since I divorced their dad but helped raise them for a decade and didn’t divorce them so they’re still my kids. They don’t want to come over, though, unless 17DD is home.)
My world has revolved around 17DD for 17 years (in a healthy way, of course.) Every decision I made was scrutinized thoroughly (by me) because I knew it would affect her life. I was 18 when I married her dad, 20 when I gave birth to her. Being 20 years apart in age has actually been great. I was always her parent first, but the older she got, the closer we became and she’d confide in me and depend on me like a friend.
I live in Louisiana. Her dad lives in Georgia. He’s an airline pilot, so DD flies for free. She’s been able to fly to go visit him whenever his/her schedules allowed, and I never stopped her from visiting.
Her dad gave her a BMW for her 17th birthday, with the stipulation that she stay the summer with him to watch his 3 boys (from his 2nd wife) in order to work off the car. Definitely a fair trade. She didn’t want to go. Thought she’d be bored. She didn’t want to go most of the summer without being with me. She knew it was the opportunity of a lifetime, so went anyway.
Summer progresses. Since her stepmom isn’t there anymore, she’s more comfortable and feels more at home there. She finally develops a better relationship with her dad. She gets to spend time with her little brothers. She finds a job babysitting for some spending cash. She ends up with a boyfriend. Her dad finally goes “FB official” with a chick he’s been seeing, and honestly, she’s great and I’m happy for him. They all go on mini vacays to Las Vegas, San Francisco, wherever, especially when he has a long layover somewhere cool. DD is happy.
Over the summer, I get vibes from her that she’s considering staying in GA. She eventually tells me she wants to split her time half and half between us. Then it ends up being that she wants to live there and visit me when she can. The day before yesterday made it official. She registered for school in GA.
My heart shattered.
Logically, I get it. She has a chance to have relationships with her dad and brothers that she couldn’t before. He can give her a lifestyle I never could afford. She loves the area they live in better than where I live. She can be a “jet setter” and do spontaneous vacays and such, and drive around ATL in her BMW with her cute BF. She’s 17, and her priorities are different than before. It happens as you grow up and stretch out your wings.
My heart, though... I am devastated. I knew she’d move on in life, because that’s how life goes. I just figured I’d have that one last year, her senior year, with her. Her last year of dance (which I’ve been driving her to and from for the past 6 years) where she’d be able to do the special senior dancer presentation and performance. Prom. Her school here doesn’t do junior prom, so I’ve been looking forward to her senior prom. Waiting for acceptance letters to colleges in the mail.
Just. Being. Her. Mom.
For one last year...
Who am I now? What do I do with myself? I can’t crawl out of this depression and grief long enough to do any of the things I usually enjoy. I know I’ll “always be her mom”, but it’s not the same. I’m lost now. And after the news of her registering for school there, I feel like I’ve been emotionally kicked in the gut.
Sorry for the long post. If you’ve read this far, thank you. I’m just drowning in grief and don’t know what to do with myself. All I want to do is cry.
My world has revolved around 17DD for 17 years (in a healthy way, of course.) Every decision I made was scrutinized thoroughly (by me) because I knew it would affect her life. I was 18 when I married her dad, 20 when I gave birth to her. Being 20 years apart in age has actually been great. I was always her parent first, but the older she got, the closer we became and she’d confide in me and depend on me like a friend.
I live in Louisiana. Her dad lives in Georgia. He’s an airline pilot, so DD flies for free. She’s been able to fly to go visit him whenever his/her schedules allowed, and I never stopped her from visiting.
Her dad gave her a BMW for her 17th birthday, with the stipulation that she stay the summer with him to watch his 3 boys (from his 2nd wife) in order to work off the car. Definitely a fair trade. She didn’t want to go. Thought she’d be bored. She didn’t want to go most of the summer without being with me. She knew it was the opportunity of a lifetime, so went anyway.
Summer progresses. Since her stepmom isn’t there anymore, she’s more comfortable and feels more at home there. She finally develops a better relationship with her dad. She gets to spend time with her little brothers. She finds a job babysitting for some spending cash. She ends up with a boyfriend. Her dad finally goes “FB official” with a chick he’s been seeing, and honestly, she’s great and I’m happy for him. They all go on mini vacays to Las Vegas, San Francisco, wherever, especially when he has a long layover somewhere cool. DD is happy.
Over the summer, I get vibes from her that she’s considering staying in GA. She eventually tells me she wants to split her time half and half between us. Then it ends up being that she wants to live there and visit me when she can. The day before yesterday made it official. She registered for school in GA.
My heart shattered.
Logically, I get it. She has a chance to have relationships with her dad and brothers that she couldn’t before. He can give her a lifestyle I never could afford. She loves the area they live in better than where I live. She can be a “jet setter” and do spontaneous vacays and such, and drive around ATL in her BMW with her cute BF. She’s 17, and her priorities are different than before. It happens as you grow up and stretch out your wings.
My heart, though... I am devastated. I knew she’d move on in life, because that’s how life goes. I just figured I’d have that one last year, her senior year, with her. Her last year of dance (which I’ve been driving her to and from for the past 6 years) where she’d be able to do the special senior dancer presentation and performance. Prom. Her school here doesn’t do junior prom, so I’ve been looking forward to her senior prom. Waiting for acceptance letters to colleges in the mail.
Just. Being. Her. Mom.
For one last year...
Who am I now? What do I do with myself? I can’t crawl out of this depression and grief long enough to do any of the things I usually enjoy. I know I’ll “always be her mom”, but it’s not the same. I’m lost now. And after the news of her registering for school there, I feel like I’ve been emotionally kicked in the gut.
Sorry for the long post. If you’ve read this far, thank you. I’m just drowning in grief and don’t know what to do with myself. All I want to do is cry.
