Elective C-section v. vaginal birth

[saroula]

I need some advice from you wonderful people out there.

FtM, I am 25 weeks pregnant and already chose a hospital for the birth. As the weeks progress I am not sure how to go forward with the modalities of birth. I'd love to hear your opinion on the many ways to give birth.
In the beginning of my pregnancy I was sure to go for an elective C-section, partly because the friends and family members around me had horrible birthing experiences and all of them needed an emergency C-section. There are pros and cons for this kind of procedure, which I am well aware of. I haven't ruled out a vaginal birth entirely, as there are also lots of positive aspects about it and I am concerned, that I will regret my decision for a C-section later on.
The thing that complicates it, is that my husband is stubborn and insits on a C-section. He said he wouldn't support a vaginal birth and not be in the room. He only looks at the pros for a C-section.
I know that if push comes to shove he will be there for a vaginal birth. I suspect he feels helpless and overwhelmed with a vaginal birth and can't stand seeing me in pain, discomfort, etc. He is also afraid of complications during vaginal birth for me.
I know, in the end it's my decision only.

Thank you in advance for your input

 

[midddeb]

@saroula I had an induction and after 23 hours, had to get a c-section. I am very happy with the c-section. It wasn’t too hard of a recovery.

However, I am worried about your husband. He shouldn’t have such strong opinions about a procedure that you are the one to go through. His job is to support you no matter which path you choose. You need to sit him down and talk about this.

 

[ibaneztony]

@saroula He should be afraid of complications from a c-section too then. I had a planned c-section in Germany and let me tell you, recovery was NOT fun. I had pain for weeks after and couldn't do anything. Usually vaginal recovery is much faster which is nicer for mum and there are lots of benefits for the baby too that c-section doesn't offer. Of course each have different risks.

Ask him to explain his perspective clearly and in detail because he sounds uninformed. Talk to a doctor about all the pros and cons of each and lay it all out.
This should be something to decide on after you have all the information you can.

Women have given birth the vaginal way for millennia, your body is made for it and c-sections are a great modern invention for saving the lives of those who have issues beyond their control to also ensure a healthy birth.

A c-section is also a maaaajor abdominal surgery that is traumatic for your body and it's not "the easy way out" by any means.

Honestly when you said he doesn't support a vaginal birth my first thought was whether he was afraid it would change you "down there" - which by the way is garbage and a worrying reflection on him for a whole other range of mysogynistic reasons - and I hope that's not the case here!

 

[lindaloumo]

@ibaneztony Jumping on here to add that if he is afraid of changes down under, the main issue with sex after giving birth is pelvic floor issues. And you will likely still have those issues after a C-section! Your pelvic floor will have carried the kid any way.

 

[kennethparsons]

@lindaloumo Good (maybe bad) to know!

 

[saroula]

@ibaneztony

I talked to my husband, and it's not about how I could change "downstairs". It's rather what I described in my other comment that I do not cope well with the unknown, stress, pressure, etc. And given the state of our hospitals, short staffed, never enough time for a patient and their schedules, I am wary that a spontaneous vaginal birth is also likely to be a not so nice experience du to the . He is more concerned for my psychological well-being and of course, he is blinded by the upsides of a selective c-section. In the end, we agreed to wait for our check-in appointment in the hospital, the infos we can gather from the midwives and make an informed decision, but still it's going to be my decision.

Either way, he will be by my side.

 

[kennethparsons]

@saroula I’m sorry but how is the pressure of an unknown any different vaginally vs c section?

I know you should have a set date, but it’ll still be understaffed and involve more doctors etc. And in my (very basic) understanding as an elective aren’t they first cancelled if the hospital is too busy? Losing the certainty of the date.

It seems like an excuse from him.

(Just edit to add I’m personally anti c section for myself due to the recovery, so I have just talked about negatives here. Although these are negatives in response to what I read as his positives.)

 

[ibaneztony]

@kennethparsons That's true. With a scheduled c-section there is less urgency compared to women giving birth vaginally or having emergency c-sections so you'll get pushed back until they have time.

That's what happened to me, I had the luck of having to wait for FIVE other women to give birth before me before they wheeled me in to surgery finally in the afternoon. And I had not been allowed to eat since the night before so I was starving all day.

 

[ibaneztony]

@saroula Good luck, you'll get a lot of information, just be sure to weigh the pros and cons of each! Then you'll feel comfortable with the decision you make knowing you had all the info.

But note if you have a c-section you will be equally affected by short-staffed problems as it's the same hospital... And see my other comment about scheduling

 

[cherishthylove]

@ibaneztony You can opt for an induction if you want to be prepared..

 

[saroula]

I may need to add that I live in Germany where birth and maternal care differs from the US.

 

[yarrariverchristian]

@saroula I’m just up north of you in Scandinavia and I am surprised public health in Germany covers a completely elective c-section for no reason. Certainly not the case here!

That being said - one big consideration is if you plan on having more children, how many and when. If the answer is yes and within a shorter time frame then a c-section makes that more difficult due to the heightened risk of uterine rupture with pregnancy and birth close together. In a similar vein there are risks with multiple C-sections (usually above 2/3) so this is also a consideration.

My own experience is that when I was younger I always saw the appeal of elective C-sections for exactly what you say - the predictability and control. Flash forward to being in my mid 30s pregnant for the first time and having heard the accounts of the many women around me who have given birth I realized that there’s lots of benefits to a vaginal birth in terms of recovery, risk for the baby and the long term health of the woman. Typically, I ended up with a breech baby and no choice but a planned c-section. Overall it was a positive experience but it was overwhelming, very medical, and surreal.

I would encourage you to listen and read a ton of birth stories from Germany specifically and hear the good the bad and the ugly of women’s personal accounts of their birth. Neither birth is for the faint of heart and ultimately both are overwhelming in different ways. Understanding those subtleties should help you make a choice.

 

[saroula]

@yarrariverchristian Elective c-sections aren't covered by insurance and the medical professionals first choice is always vaginal birth unless there's medical reason for surgery.

Thank you for pointing out that you perceived the c-section as very medical and surreal. That's something to consider

 

[yarrariverchristian]

@saroula Gotcha! I just wanted to mention since I had a friend who was quite shocked to find out when was denied a c-section based on broad anxiety around birth.

The surreal aspect was definitely a thing. I’d listened to so so many accounts of how the procedure would go and it was still pretty overwhelming. I think going from zero to baby out your stomach in ten minutes is just a wild ride. But I’m so glad I’d at least prepped myself because I can totally see how easy it would be to get trauma from it, which is why I always give that advise. A birth is sure an experience no matter what way it happens. Good luck!

 

[katrina2017]

@saroula I'm in the US and elective C section is covered here

 

[juliea1031]

@yarrariverchristian

a completely elective c-section for no reason.

I'm just going to clarify: mental health is a reason and it's a totally valid one.

 

[yarrariverchristian]

@juliea1031 Oh totally. But OP didn’t mention mental health just more of a preference. I’m American by birth and we have a much more liberal policy on when elective c-sections are allowed. Likely because we pay to play. But where I live now mental health would have to be more significant for the state to justify the cost than “I don’t feel good about vaginal birth”. I’m not saying that’s correct but more commenting that OP should ensure the possibility is on the table for her. Public health is great but it has limits.

 

[aiden92]

@saroula The stories I mentioned in a post of people laboring for ever just to have an emergency c section all happened in Germany.

 

[saroula]

@aiden92 That's what I am so afraid of. I know, I am biased, as almost all the women I know who are mothers, had to labor endlessly, were induced and in the end, the staff schedule, shortness of staff, hospital time management etc. almost forced them to go for the emergency c-section.

I am not a very chill person and don't fare well under much pressure in an unkown siutation with hormones and emotions flooding me. I'd hate to labor on an on and then - boom - be rushed into the OR for an emergency c-section. That's why I consider a elective one without any apparent psychological, medical or emotional reasons, just for my peace of mind.