Does anybody here feels like divorcing their husband while they sleep straight all night while u take care of a newborn who refused to sleep at night?

[spaceigniter]

Yes. My husband sleeps all night while im still wide awake carrying my newborn. He came back to work and I on the other hand is still on maternity leave but i still find this unfair. Is it too much to ask for an uninterrupted sleep? Coz i am 3 weeks pp via c sec and i havent slept well since the day i had my baby. Im tired, i feel
Like shit and i look like shit. I need a break to take care of my own mental health!

 

[anne777]

@spaceigniter Early on, we had my husband do feedings (not sure if your EBF or not) until about 11pm and I’d get in bed around 9pm and I’d get about a four hour stretch (sometimes longer) and it makes a world of difference. My husband was up anyway at that point so it made sense for us. We also each take one weekend overnight so I could get some good sleep (even with pumping) that isn’t constantly interrupted by baby wimpers.

I know it isn’t easy to hear, but it really does get easier and the stretches get long. We’re at three months now and we have a pretty good routine with one overnight wake up most nights - still not completely consistent, but we’re getting there and you will to!

 

[coder]

@anne777 This! I sleep 8-midnight uninterrupted, husband sleeps midnight-6 and gets her down for her first nap before he gets up so I usually also get 6-8

 

[gearlinw]

@anne777 Dad here, second baby. We are doing this on round 2 with our newborn, currently at week 7 and is working much better than even taking turns all night. Mom goes to sleep at 10 after a feed, and I stay up till 1 and do a pumped - bottle feed, keeping baby out of the bedroom with me until 1. Baby doesn’t usually wake up again till 3-4, giving mom 6 hours uninterrupted from 10-3, and me 5 hours uninterrupted 1-6.
It’s not amazing sleep quality, but it’s better than both of us waking up every 2 hours, and keeps us sane and not holding resentment.
Dad pro tip- if I wear baby in a moby, I can still pass the late night solo time with video games on a docked Switch as he sleeps on my chest!

 

[ncfelix]

@anne777 Yes I highly recommend this routine. Your recovery should be the highest priority. If you aren’t healthy, taking care of your baby will be so much harder! Try to get as many hours of UNINTERRUPTED sleep by having the husband take the early night shift and do bottle feeds. If you can, sleep in a different room from baby so you can get good quality sleep.

We started this routine early on (first week) because I would become a basket case right as the sun went down and my hormones went sideways. I felt kind guilty with husband staying up all night but wow did it make a huge difference in my mood and recovery!

 

[hawk7071]

@ncfelix This is super encouraging. We started doing it without “guidance” and it seems to be working. Momma slept in four-five hour segments yesterday (as measured against the NFL games) and I slept at night. We both feel more human for it…

 

[capd1]

@spaceigniter I make my husband sleep in another room so I don’t have to look at him and want to murder him while he sleeps. Somehow it makes it way easier to get up and take care of the baby alone. He lets me sleep in whenever his work schedule allows, and he stays up for last feeding of the night while baby sleeps in the living room with him and I go to bed. It’s working for now anyways.

 

[revmorpheus]

@capd1 This is us as well - dad watches her while I go to bed early. On a good day that means 2+ hours of peaceful sleep for me. If she wants to cluster feed… not so much. Then he goes to sleep in the guest room, which is good for both of us. He gets a normal night’s sleep before work, and I get more space in bed to nurse.

 

[hannah2000]

@capd1 Separate rooms was my strategy as well.

 

[epiphany777]

@spaceigniter You tell him that? He could at the very least handle nights when he doesn't work the next morning.

 

[andriysoava]

@spaceigniter Currently listening to my husband sleeping as I hold our newborn

 

[gregori]

@spaceigniter I spiral when I don’t get enough sleep. I knew this before baby and worried about it. There are some nights where I get up and I get so unwound I think that I might as well be a single parent. Do I really mean it no, but in the moment I totally feel like I do.

 

[katrina2017]

@gregori Same here. Sleep deprivation tolerance seems to be a spectrum, and I've been on the very low end my whole life.

 

[30silvercoins]

@spaceigniter I haven't sleep for 2 mths since my newborn. My SO had covid and they intubated her to do C-sect due to the high risk pre-op assessment. She spent a mth in ICU and only been 2 weeks since she came back home. Currently, she require home oxygen from 1L to 3L.She's pretty much independent even with oxygen but refuse to handle him when he's crying too much or wake up at night.

I can totally understand how tiresome it can be.

 

[marcel_prix]

@30silvercoins Omg I’m sorry that’s awful!! You win the tired parent story for real. I can’t even imagine what you must be going through.

 

[30silvercoins]

@marcel_prix Didn't know we are competing!

Anyway, I think less stressful for me since I don't really have to deal with hormonal stuff and breast feeding.

 

[zeromega]

@spaceigniter When I hear my husband snoring while I’m feeding my little lady, I die inside

 

[hazeleyesis]

@zeromega this. his snoring was always a little irritating to me but when I’m feeding and changing my baby in the middle of night, his snoring actually fills me with rage.

 

[zeromega]

@hazeleyesis It’s such a strong rage, too. Internally I’m screaming “MUST BE NICE!”

 

[scottdaniel]

@spaceigniter Shifts are non-negotiable. My husband needs more sleep so he would go to bed early and sleep until 4am. I would get up with the baby every 2 hours and then sleep from 4am until 8am. Everyone needs 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep.