Do bilingual kids feel left out at school?

[lippy1004]

Hi, we have an almost 1 y/o daughter and my husband and I plan to use our native language at home so she can be fluent in it when she grows up. Husband and I both speak the same native language as well as English (community language). I’m not deep into my research/readings yet but I learned it’s effective to speak and interact with our daughter in the native language as early and as much as possible and this is what we plan to do.

My concern is I’ve heard a lot of stories where bilingual kids who enter schools or daycares find it hard to make friends or interact with other kids because they don’t speak the community language (English). Now i’m second guessing our plan because we obviously don’t want her to feel left out at school!

Anyone here with the same experience or any insight? How did you handle it and how did it turn out?

For context, we plan to send her to daycare when she turns 2 so we have a year left to prep. We also live in a small town where daycares in our native language are not available.

EDIT: Thanks everyone for your insight! I think what triggered my concern were from anecdotes where parents were called at school to be told their kids were not doing good interacting with peers and eventually got discouraged (not by teachers) teaching the kids their native language. So then kids grew up only comprehending the native language but not speaking it (not that this is wrong, we just prefer our daughter speak it). Anyways, I feel more confident and at ease now knowing it is possible and she’ll not have a hard time. Thank you!

 

[focusedontheneedle]

@lippy1004 My daughter is 5 and I don't think she feels left out. She has easily made friends at her Japanese daycare. However, I think she does experience a bit of othering because she speaks English. When her friends hear her speaking English with me, they often react and say stuff like, "What did you say!” and "I don't understand what you're talking about!" My daughter has started asking why I don't speak Japanese to her and has said that she wishes I would sometimes. I've been trying to teach her that being bilingual/multiracial/multicultural is something to be proud of.

 

[pterinochilus]

@lippy1004 If my kid feels left out at daycare, you'd never guess it from watching him. He is very social and is fully engaged in play with his peers.

Kids will pick up the community language pretty quickly. My kid still throws out a mix of all his languages, so much so that I'm trying to compile a vocabulary list for the daycare staff so they understand him. But his language skills are developing so fast that I can't keep up.

Watch the Bluey episode "Camping" for a relevant hit in all the feelings.

 

[dlinkered]

@lippy1004 In our daycare, it is hard to find any family with a single language. I see kids making many mistakes, and nobody cares. They still play together in the playground in the afternoon.

 

[seeker112]

@lippy1004 Would be more of a concern if you were moving somewhere with a kid who’s older than maybe 10 years old. Older kids have a harder time learning a new language vs infants & toddlers - but they still manage.

At 1y.o. already in an English-speaking community, no, it won’t be an issue. If anything you should worry about them starting daycare/preschool/school & only speaking English to you.

 

[lippy1004]

@seeker112 Yes at some point I’m sure i’ll worry she’ll speak English more than our native language. And that’ll be a concern for another day lol

 

[aldredian]

@lippy1004 If your child is going to enter daycare, there's not much to worry. They adapt super quickly.

My friend only spoke their native tongue at home. Even went back to Taiwan and her child attended daycare there for around 3 months.

Entered English daycare here in Australia at age 3 and within 2 months, she's trying to speak English to her parents and they have to direct her back to Mandarin.

If your child is going to be at home all the way till they start school say at age 5 or 6, then there will be an adjustment period but not long.

The thing is, your child is growing up in an English environment. Presumably, you'll be taking her to a park or even some playgroups where she will be exposed to English. So there's already exposure. She's not starting from zero.

Even if her command of the English language is low when she starts school, English will overtake pretty much within 6 months. Definitely before the year is out and there's no problem after that.

I moved to Australia age 6. My parents sent me to an immersion preschool in Taiwan so I wasn't starting school with zero English.

Still, I remember being mute for a few weeks because I was listening with all my might to try and figure out what everyone is saying. At that point, Mandarin was my dominant language.

But I was speaking English no problem within.... probably 2 months. I was out of ESL within 6 months.

For me though, I have to deal with culture shock. Not to mention, racism. It's a lot to deal with for a 6yo.

Given your child isn't going to move countries, their adjustment period would most likely be even smoother.

So I really don't think there's anything to worry about.

 

[fromissouri]

@lippy1004 I was concerned about this too when my then 2yo. started daycare in Spain after being raised in English. Our daughter was already pretty chatty by then but, we found that a LOT of 2yo. kids in her class could barely speak at all. Therefore, their socialization was heavily play-based and not talk-based - if that makes sense?

She made lots of friends from the get-go and seeing them interact was fascinating. She would adjust her play style based on the level of comprehension she noticed from the other kids. At first, she would speak to all the kids in English. Then, 99% of the time she would realise that they had no idea what she was talking about... So she switched and used hand gestures and other sounds, almost like playing charades.

At the park, I would also help her translate saying things like "this kid doesn't speak English. If you want the ball you have to say "me dejas la pelota, por favor?". She then had a chance to practice Spanish with a 100% chance of success (because the other kid understood what I said regardless of how well/poorly my daughter said it).

Funny enough, EVERYONE who heard us speak in English (both kids and adults alike) have been instantly interested and have made an effort to try their English with my daughter too - which I think reinforces a feeling of acceptance in a way?

In the unlikely scenario when we encountered an English-speaking kid at the playground... She was instantly hooked and her play style was more natural and "talk-based".

She is 3.5yo now and still favors English speaking people. We always speak English to her (both at home and away), but she only speaks English to us now. She speaks Spanish with everybody else. When we are at the park now, she switches from English and Spanish to talk to other kids and us.

Her Spanish is still heavily accented and her grammar a bit off, but every time I drop her off at school her classmates gather around the door to welcome her. The teacher tells us she doesn't shut up at school either lol

So, if you are sending your kid to daycare at 2, I think they would be just fine

 

[lippy1004]

@fromissouri Yes this makes total sense! Thank you!

 

[barsomo]

@lippy1004 I have two girls who are growing up with 4 languages. We speak two minority languages at home, English between us parents and with most of our friends, and the girls go to French daycare and school. My oldest had zero issues making friends at daycare and although my youngest one refuses to speak at daycare, she has her best buddies that she always plays with and she loves it there. Don’t overthink it!

 

[thabang]

@lippy1004 You go out and about and socialise with friends in the community, I assume this is done in English, unless you have a particularly stong community that speaks your language. I think this will be enough exposure for your child to understand enough. At 2 they will also pick it up so quickly, for anything they don't know.

 

[ativyl]

@lippy1004 I think at 2 so many kids are at different places with their language development that it might not matter if she doesn't speak the daycare language because there is still so much non verbal communication going on. My 2.5 year old seems to love his preschool though he doesn't speak the language at home (but he started at around 18 months). When my older kids (5 and 10 at the time) started school without knowing the language, it was a slightly different story. At 10, some of the kids spoke English, so it was mostly ok. But at 5, it was a little harder to make friends. But I think 2 is a sweet spot and it should be fine.

 

[alearose]

@lippy1004 You could speak a little bit of English along with your native language in your home until your child goes to daycare so she will know enough to interact with the other children. Then at that point you could switch to only using your native language at home. That’s probably what I would do in your situation. I do know of children who have a hard time integrating into community settings when they didn’t learn English at home. For example, according to my SIL, my nephew was angry when he went to kindergarten and the other children didn’t understand him when he spoke Spanish. Some kids don’t seem to have as much trouble with it, but if you can make it easier for them it’s a good idea IMO.

 

[hobster777]

@lippy1004 My son has tons of friends and I don't get any sense that he feels left out. I see other kids greet him excitedly and if your daughter goes to daycare she'll get community language input to set her up for success.

 

[lippy1004]

@hobster777 Thanks! What i’m getting from this is I should make sure my daughter socializes more, and not solely focus on the language aspect. This makes sense because at her age when she enters daycare, everyone might just be playing and not talking.

 

[hobster777]

@lippy1004 Yeah I think at a young age kids have a language all their own. I see a lot of friendship formed from personality and playing similarly. It's less about language. My son's caregivers at daycare and now teachers in preschool have never mentioned him having issues socializing.

 

[carterishere]

@lippy1004 I didn't speak French when I entered daycare, nor English when I entered school (we moved) - I never ever felt left out or lonely. Now on my own parenting journey, it's difficult to get our children to speak our home language instead of English haha. Please don't worry about that aspect, I am a very social person and now speak 3 languages fluently.

 

[lippy1004]

@carterishere Hmm i guess i should be more worried about teaching her the native language more than the community language then lol

 

[relle25]

@lippy1004 In my experience, no. At daycare age they pick up the community language rapidly- even if they are slower in the spoken language department, they will pick up the receptive aspect of the community language fast and it doesn't become an issue (unless there are developmental issues at play but that doesn't have to do with multilingualism).

Especially at that age, the majority of her peers will not even notice initially that she doesn't speak the community language yet- 2 year olds aren't super observant of these matters

 

[frustratedhusband]

@lippy1004 no