Dad wants me to pay rent at 17

[completeme]

Clarification, I'm 17 years old until mid December and have earned my high school diploma. My dad has been able to live comfortably recently because he went back to school later in life and is now working at a hospital as a medical professional.

For the last month I've been working at a restaurant bringing in $500 biweekly. I made the commitment to save 60% of each paycheck towards saving for a car, which would be around $600 monthly.

Last Wednesday was the day me and my mom left for a week long trip, my dad had been working that day but stopped back home on his break shortly before he had left. We hadn't been arguing but he told me that starting next month he'll charge me $300 a month for rent as well as requiring me to be home by 9 every night. I didn't argue but it has been stressing me out throughout my trip.

Today is the day I left to head back to my dads and he informed me that he updated the set of rules and they go as follows.

"Home contributions, Responsibilities and consequences

$100/month - internet contribution +$50/month utilities.

Follow house rules

($10 fee for each infraction):

1. Keep room as clean as dads
2. 2) Do dishes - M,W,F by 8:30 pm
3. 3) No food or drink upstairs (WATER ONLY)
4. 4) Ask before having guests
5. 5) if using gym, everything in its place when done
6. 6) NO trash, dishes, OR laundry lying around common area Home by 8:30 - spend the night elsewhere otherwise Feed + walk dog daily - morning + evening
   $10 fee for each
   *All Contribution fees due on the 1st, monthly
   • A $10 fee will be enforced for each day after the 1st"

This is what he sent me over text, followed by "I love you bud. Can't wait to hear about your trip. Glad you're coming home. See you tomorrow".

I have no problems with the majority of the rules, they’re mostly basic responsibilities. However, it doesn't sit right with me that I'm being required to contribute while having to tiptoe around this system that is now in place.

 

[bobbybuttermilk]

@completeme I’m sorry but I would surely move out before I follow those rules while paying rent. You aren’t even 18 yet so legally still your parents’ responsibility.

If you would like to follow some of these rules I understand to keep the peace but I’m sure this is his way of making you “grow up” in a sense and start contributing. When you grow up, no one is assigning you these rules, you just end up doing things to ensure you’re taking care of yourself. These are rules I would give a kid living in my house who doesn’t pay rent. I wouldn’t be charging you anything if these were the rules in place going forward because these would be your contribution to the house.

My response would be: “hey dad, I’ll review and I’d be happy to talk this over with you and mom when we come back.”

 

[sonicblue08]

@completeme Be fairly easy to check in your state+county if your parents have to legally provide for you until you’re 18.

Especially if your dad is declaring you as a dependent on his taxes.

But really confirming that, showing him and/or trying to force him to stop likely won’t work out well for you. He can just kick your ass out in mid-December and you can’t do shit about it.

IMO - $150 in rent plus doing absolutely basic chores that you’d need to do in your own place regardless? It reads like he’s making a Hail Mary attempt to help you get some discipline and self respect for your home life before you go out and be an adult. While also setting boundaries with his soon to be legally adult son.

Assuming your dad isn’t an asshole/your relationship isn’t abusive in either direction : that’s a great price and conditions for rent as a young person. You’ll save loads of money compared to living anywhere as nice as your parent’s place, I guarantee it.

 

[savedbygracejoy]

@sonicblue08 He’s already saving 600 dollars a month for a car. That should be plenty reason for the dad to see he has some form of self discipline. No parent should ever charge their kid rent before they are 18 regardless of state law. It’s disgusting.

 

[chiefscml]

@completeme I would write down your financial plans to purchase a vehicle, and how much you’ve committed to save for it. Make the case that a vehicle would provide more independence, you could assist in running errands, and even find more/better work. But to afford a vehicle and gas and insurance and maintenance, you’re going to need to be diligent in saving money. Let him know you’re excited to contribute but since you don’t make very much, provide an alternate payment plan with him. He may be worried you’re not able to plan or save for things and want to save it for you. Or be trying to give you more responsibilities to make sure you can be resourceful and more ready for adulthood.

Maybe use a meeting with him to determine his motivations first before jumping to conclusions. Good luck!

 

[existia]

@completeme People who are asking you to consider whether this is legal and make decisions based on that have no interest in your relationship with your father. Sure, you don't have to contribute anything because he can't kick you out legally yet. Who cares? That literally applies to every rule that your parents set.

The amount he's making you pay is tiny compared to what you'd pay if you moved out. Even if you move in with other people, $150/month is nothing. So the fees don't really concern me.

You're right that these are basic responsibilities he's requiring of you (except the curfew which I think is ridiculous). So why do you think you have to "tiptoe around" them? You'll fall in to a routine, you'll get it all done, or you'll pay an extra $10 when you forget something. To me it seems that he's applying a cash penalty because he's trying to teach you personal responsibility without having to discipline or scold you when you slip up.

It seems to me that he's trying to prepare you for adulthood. But I think you should sit down and negotiate with him if you think any of that is unfair, and ask every question you can think of that may affect you. Personally, I'd try to move that curfew out to like 10:00 or remove it, unless he can come up with a good reason for it. Ask him what happens if you lose your job and can't afford to pay. If you decide to go to college or a trade school, do the fees still apply or can you get some leniency? He's offering you an agreement for living arrangements, so I think you should have some input.

Edit: Don't accept "because I said so" as a response to anything. If he wants to treat you like an adult then he owes you explanations for the rules.

 

[hassel]

@existia Okay, this response saves me the time of writing myself. I agree. The rent and rules are fairly reasonable, though the curfew is a bit much, IMO, so OP might try to negotiate that. The penalties are straight-up and completely up to you in avoiding. Really, it sounds like OP's dad is treating him like an adult.

 

[futuretbi]

@completeme I would never ask for rent from my children as long as they contributed to the household in other ways. Cook occasionally, mow my lawn, wash the car, help me work around the house. You get the idea.

 

[littie]

@completeme Can you live somewhere else? Maybe someplace you could stay and offer them like $100 a month, obviously no extreme or oppressive rules.
If not I would talk to dad and open a discussion. Either pay way less and don’t agree to the fees (DONT SIGN ANYTHING WITHOUT PROPER EQUITY) or negotiate rules that are respectful of you.
Though $150 is low, its outrageous when applied to the rules and fees.
And it is disrespectful to try and force you to grow up whilst still treating you like a child.
It’s irresponsible for him to pocket money for rules that are basically standard house rules- only thing is he wants money. It seems greedy. Ask him if he’s having money trouble and offer to contribute, but assert that if you are stepping up like an adult you expect to be treated like one.
Compromise on the rules and if he won’t budge, don’t pay. It might sound extreme but I have never seen this work out and now listen to parents constantly inquire why their children don’t speak to them anymore.

 

[denisse]

@completeme First, I want to point out that this is incredibly controlling and I’m sorry this is your father’s idea of good parenting. Like others mentioned maybe you can go over your car saving plan with your father and see if he is willing to hold of on stating this until after you meet your goal and in the meantime you can just cover the chores. If not it might be good to see if you leave somewhere w/ roommates if you are going to be force to pay him a monthly rent it might as well be somewhere where you can be comfortable. Are your parents divorced any way you can live with your mom?

 

[gausej1]

@completeme You can ask r/asklawyers but I'm pretty sure, charging a minor rent is legally unenforceable as we, as parents, are legally required to provide basic essentials - food, housing, etc. Your dad would also be unable to kick you out of the house for failure of doing so, for a myriad of legal reasons.

Also, it may be worthwhile to attend some family counseling together. Having a rational adult in the room to help your father back down from whatever cockamamie idea he got in his head about "helping you be an adult" could help.

 

[laperladelsur]

@completeme It amazes me how many bad parents there are

 

[claybrown]

@completeme Quick question: Do you need a car? As in, are you living in a place with zero/unreliable mass transit? If not, I would maybe consider putting that money towards saving for moving out at 18, instead. My eldest is going to start working this summer, and I cannot imagine restricting his freedoms while asking for help with bills.

 

[wonderingwanderer]

@completeme Sounds like a pretty fair deal. You’re making money, no longer in school and he’s laid out some pretty simple (but lifelong) responsibilities.

Even if he’s legally required to provide for you doesn’t mean he can’t ask for rent and chores to be done. The legal responsibility is that you can refuse to pay, and still have a house. But I wouldn’t go down that road if I were you.

Sounds like he’s trying to do the right thing.

 

[john0987]

@completeme I'm petty, so this probably isn't the best advice as it wouldn't make for a quality home environment. Part of me thinks you should reach out to a couple of lawyers who deal with family law around you and explain the situation. Ask how much it would cost to get a letter explaining how this isn't legal for someone under the age of 18 (or explain to you why it is legal, but as far as I know it isn't legal anywhere *in the US) and give it to your dad. Might cost $100 or $150, but it would be a real slap in the face.

Also, if your parents are on your bank account - quietly go open one without their knowledge and transfer your money into that account and move your direct deposit to that account as well. This way your parents can't just take the money out of your account. If you do speak with a lawyer, ask them about securing any money before transferring it.

Finally, start looking for a room to rent in your area and when you can legally move out, do it. You won't be able to get an apartment on your own for that amount, and for now drop the idea of a car (I know it sucks, but it is a liability when you think about registration, insurance, gas, and maintenance. I know in my area, which is a higher cost of living but not the highest, you can find a room for $400-450 per month with other people, and that can include utilities. Either that, or have somewhere you can go as soon as possible, this sounds toxic and not helpful.

 

[grace2014]

@completeme $150 is a really good deal once you're 18. The rules are reasonable, roommate type rules. When you live in a roommate's situation, there will always be rules. Curfew rules are for everyones safety and respecting others' sleep. Cleaning rules is a must because you're living with other people. I have seen knock down fights between roommates about cleaning. Getting approval for having guests over is also a typical roommate rule, I have seen some that say no guest over at all. The fee rule is interesting and seems like your dad's way of ensuring that these basic rules are followed. Seeing that you are on probation, maybe you haven't been the most reliable in the past. If you go to college and live in a dorm, you're going to have all these rules for way more than $150 a month. Be prepared to have to follow some rules until you get your own house. Even apartments will have rules.

 

[theprodigalwoman]

@grace2014 I guess but like…a parent isn’t a roommate. This kid didn’t ask to exist; a parent has every obligation to house their kid, especially a TEENAGER

 

[izzomcphibbit]

@completeme Do you live with both parents? If so, what does your mom think about the situation?

If you don’t live with both parents, then why not just stay at your mom’s place?

Your dads is exploiting your labour with these impossible rules.

and he has the audacity to ask you to pay him rent as well?