Dad abandoned us in hospital

[lee25]

Day 10 single parenting a 2.5 yr old with severe never ending "gastro"

He's still vomiting and dihorrea. Hospital were hopeless and werent even sure if it was gastro after 3 days. He got it in his dads care but his dad refuses to answer any questions tells me to "piss off" for asking anything.

Our G.P QUIT his job as soon as we got out and now we have to find another dr.

They forced a cathetar against my will even though there was no urinary issue than dehydration and didnt bother to put him on hydration at all, the whole time.

We went there for dehydration in the first place and they put the instumrament in his hand and just left it there for 3 days.

His dad abandoned on day 2 and hasnt even bothered to call, just a 3 word txt 5 days ago.

He stayed 1 night in hospital at 11ndpm told me to go home but by 8am he couldnt handle it and rudley called an demanded my return, then hung up and refused to answer.
He sent me home (from 11pm to 8am) then accused me of abandoning DS after just being in hospital myself and being suddenly confronted with gastro that he caught in his dads care, who didnt even notice he was sick for 2 days.

Ive got no towels left, face linen, bedding are all piled in a mountain of feral smelling vomit and every time I try to work on it, he vomits, shits or starts crying.

He no longer has a temperature.
Clostrophobic as hell and feeling deeply angry about what his father has left me with, again.
He constantly brings DS home in a viral state and acts oblivious or even hostile if i ask that he take his temperature or explain the symptoms

Anyone share an experience or care to chat?
Im getting sick myself and feeling seriously entrapped and am sure that after this ( and much more) its time to tell his "father" to sod off for good.

 

[killalljewishpeople2934]

@lee25

He constantly brings DS home in a viral state and acts oblivious or even hostile if i ask that he take his temperature or explain the symptoms

do you have a court order? if not I would tell the father that you do not feel comfortable leaving the child in his care under these circumstances. refusing to explain symptoms and ignoring illness are HUGE red flags

 

[lee25]

@killalljewishpeople2934 Yes thankyou, i told him today that its over and he can seek courts, since the mediator has already forwarded the case as urgent, if he indeed wants an "entitlement".
He demanded at me that i owe him this entitlement, called me a bunch of names and laughed at me.

On one occasion on DS birthday when i discussed tantrum handling with him, he commented "throw him in a cold shower" to whivh numerous bistanders turned to look and i said "thats abuse".

There is so mcuh to this situation, its time to make it stop, after 3 years.. this man is still coming for me. We were only together 10m off and on, i tried to leave many times.
Weve been seprated the whole time.

Thank you for supporting me to make this decision.
Reddit in this way has been the only place i can go to talk and find advice.

 

[katrina2017]

@lee25 Dear tired momma,

You got this.

And on behalf of all dads (the man in your story is no dad) I am sorry. Please do not let this man poison your life and your child’s life with conflict and never ending excuses. And please do not allow this man to sully your opinion on men as fathers. It is absolutely fucking infuriating to me when I see another man not taking care of his children. It’s men like that who are the reason I, and many other fathers like me, have had to fight tooth and nail just to be involved in their child’s lives.

I don’t have a story as severe as yours, but somewhat relatable.

Shortly after my sons mother and I separated, she of course had several new boyfriends. One weekend our son got sick. I let her know he was sick and had a fever, and that I had a doctors appointment scheduled for the following Monday. Didn’t hear from her all weekend, she was out drinking with her newest boyfriend. Come Monday morning, which was the exchange day at the time, she messages and calls me 20 times and claims I’m keeping our son from her because he wasn’t in daycare. She didn’t know that I had been up until 2AM with him because his fever had spiked and he started vomiting. We were still asleep when someone knocks on the door. I opened it to find a sheriffs deputy standing on my steps, and my sons mother behind him, smirking. The officer said he was there for the exchange. I said what exchange? And he handed me some papers. The paperwork he gave me was the Proposed Parenting Plan that I filed. It wasn’t signed by a judge, and I was actually still waiting on my ex to file a response so the case could move forward. I went and got my big binder and gave the officer a copy of the pre-trial standing order which was the only court order in place and it does not specify any sort of time-sharing arrangement. Only says the parents should share the children. They both left after that. And me and my son went back to sleep. The same day, my ex filed a motion for contempt and claimed I had been keeping our son away from her, and that I’d made doctors appointments without communicating to her.

Hopefully that got your mind off things, even if only for a second. Feel free to message me if you ever wanna chat.

 

[lee25]

@katrina2017 Thank you so much for sharing your story, as a father.
I know this behaviour can come from either gender and it absolitely rattles me to the core how quickly people we once trusted can become so unhinged.

I admire your strength in your situationship.
Mine is still present and i am holding on tight to that loud voice that says NO, no more!

We dont have a court order but i have been pressing for one for months.
Last year he was dating a woman and neglected visitation many times while also keeping strong tabs on anyone i had around.
He was on an IVO for the first year while i was homeless and pregnant
He breached it 6 times, i reported and police did nothing.
We eventually went to mediation after I found stability which angered him, because he wanted to control the lease, so he could control me.

He turned up to agreed visits on average 1 time per month making an array of excuses. Hardly buys him clothing, hasnt got him a bed and in spite of an agreement to not introduce our son to new partner as he said himself "wasnt sure if it would last", he calculatively manipulated me to take our son because he had a holiday booked and introduced him to her behind my back. They slept in his bed together while our son slept on the floor, because he wont provide him a bed or his own room.

Hes sabotaged 3 jobs and got into debt making large purchases he tried to conceal and often when hes in a situation, a financial one, he takes it out on us.
He entraps me in his car with DS and cruely interrogates me and screams in my face, he also follows and stalks me and ambushes and humiliates me in public.

Ive explained that fatherood is a responsibility, then an entitlement but tonight after a week of constant abuse and 3 incidents of nearly rolling his car while i begged him to slow down with the baby on board, hes sent me another load of unhinged abuse via text, calling me a "fkn crazy btch" and tellingme to "go fk myself" after asking him to stop.

I am so tired and stressed i contacted my local womans support services and theyre offering to totally relocate us for our own safety.

I have called my neighbours and put them on alert.

He blackmailed me recently back into mediation after i attempted to put my boundaries up, theb refysed to go.
I spoke to the mediator and she said this is the worst case of cohersive control shes ever seen and after 3 years i know now his plan is to destroy me and my abilities as a mother.

He once said that " i want to be the mum, ive been the dad (two previous kids near 30) .. but I dont want to do it with YOU around"

He tried to get his now ex girlfriend to move 2 hrs to live with him after 6 months. He fo u nd out she was barron and dumped her. He planned to use her to replace me and im certain she figured him out.
He came back sulking to me and tried hoovering and love bbombing me into having more kids with him after assaulting me with a knife at 18w and sexually assaulting me twice, all has been reported.

Hes escalating again and the only thing stopping him from being really stupid and driving here and getring in extreme trouble, is that oiur son gave him gastro right back.

I have decided to accept the offer to relocate.
I believe he is unhinged and blames me and the other night when he nearly killed us all in the car going to hospital, i knew this man had nothing to lose taking us all out.

You are right, its poison hell bend on ruining me, he cares nothing about DS.

Im still shaking, baby is taking a needed sleep.
We need peace in our lives and i wont stop until i put this to an end and we get it.

 

[katrina2017]

@lee25 Are you in the U.S?

I’m sure you know, but there are countless resources for women in situations like yours. Sadly, a lot of women take advantage of it and use the system as a way to keep children away from fathers and in severe cases, have dads arrested. Just judging from what you’ve written, thats obviously not the case.

I would definitely utilize whatever resources available. Allow dipshit to see the child when he wants. If you’re going to initiate court action, I would count on him playing father of the year in the beginning, slowly he will lose interest and his true colors will show.

If you are in the US, I would be more than happy to help guide you through the court process. If you aren’t in the US, shoot me your info and maybe I can help search for other resources.