Consequences of uprooting a child's life

[crt0289]

Hey all, I'll try to keep the context succinct. I've been primary caregiver of my almost 8 year old son for the last 4 years, been separated from his mom for almost 7. Her and I live about 4.5 hours travel from each other. Our life is good! My partner and him get along really well, and he's a generally happy, well adjusted boy. He sees his mom for major school breaks and on average every 2.5 weekends, and they also have a great relationship.

However, he's been asking to give living with her a try for the last couple years. This is, of course, a huge decision that is ultimately mine to make. My question is, what does the literature say about uprooting a child's life? My concern is that any benefits of him going to live with her are outweighed by the danger of destabilizing him.

If anyone has any resources or insight, I would love to hear it. Thank you!

 

[kerzz]

@crt0289 The way I read this, I wouldn’t call it uprooting so much in the negative context, if he is the one requesting to try the change. I can’t imagine having the weight of this decision because the flip side or not seeing him so often is any possible resentment if you don’t let him.

I think at 8 years old you are more able to say no without lingering effect, than when he is pre-teen, still asking, while also developing independence. Honestly one versus the other I’d rather he try it sooner than later (say for a summer break) on the hope that at 8 he is more dependent on what is right in front of him - usual friends, usual schedules and structure, etc to realize ‘home’ feels more home. I would not send him with plans for a school change unless that was successful.