Concerned about teenage son's interest in guns

[yhwh_will_uplift]

I’m reaching out because I’m not entirely sure how to handle my situation and would appreciate other parents’ insights. My 16 y.o. son has recently developed a keen interest in firearms. On the one hand, I'm glad he's taking an interest in something that could be considered a "manly" hobby, and he's been diving deep into the history and mechanics of guns.

On the other hand, I can't shake off a concern that there might be underlying reasons behind this newfound fascination. We've always strived for open communication, so when I approached him about it, he said he sees firearms as a form of art, with their intricate designs and craftsmanship. He also mentioned how it’s a skill he’d potentially like to develop for self-defense.

I really want to believe that’s the full extent of it, but part of me is still apprehensive. In today’s climate of school shootings, I can't help but worry about the 'what ifs'. Could something or someone be influencing my son? What if his interest becomes an obsession? E.g., last week, he briefly left his room, and when I came in, I caught a glimpse of his laptop displaying a shotgun-related article - https://bulkmunitions.com/blog/buckshot-sizes-buck-shot-guide/. Again, could all be just for educational purposes, but what if?

Just to be clear, we don't have guns in our home, and my son hasn't expressed a desire to own one immediately. He did show interest in joining a local shooting range to learn proper handling and safety. In theory, this sounds like a good outlet, but not when I’m on pins and needles over what’s going through his mind.

I thought about talking to a counselor, but I don't want to make my son feel like he's being psychoanalyzed or that his interests are inherently wrong. Naturally, I also don't want to turn a blind eye. What would you do if your child displayed an acute interest in firearms? Should I take the therapist route or just have an old-fashioned sit-down and try to delve deeper into my son’s motivations?

Would enrolling him in a certified training course be a way to ensure he's learning about firearms in a responsible, structured environment?

 

[tamaraz]

@yhwh_will_uplift Get lessons. Make him take a ton of safety classes.... take AWAY the curiosity by educating him etc....on e you take away the "mystery" aspect kids loose interst or calm down. Hes 16 he cannot legally buy a gun. Get him shooting lessons with a professional.

 

[afpatriots]

@tamaraz 100% this

 

[ggirl1986]

@yhwh_will_uplift I feel like mass murderers are probably actually not all that interested in the history and mechanics of guns.

On the other hand, "a skill he’d potentially like to develop for self-defense" kind of sounds like those "good guy with a gun" types who are looking for reasons to be a hero and wind up getting an innocent person hurt.

 

[3roku]

@ggirl1986 Or it could just be what a teen thinks is the best thing to say to get lessons when really he just wants to get out on a range and see something go BOOM with a ridiculous caliber.

 

[ggirl1986]

@3roku Fair

 

[varunsundars]

@ggirl1986 You have no idea what you are talking about and are randomly spewing nonsense

 

[katrina2017]

@yhwh_will_uplift Question for you. What is your households view of guns?

I know my parents were very anti weapons growing up, my dad was former Colombia military and only used them as a tool in combat and had no interest when he left the military. We never had guns around the house, and it was always a bit of a forbidden subject. When I moved out, and started dating, I dated a girl from PA and her dad had 20+ guns in the safe in his house, and exercised his carry permit daily. I became very interested from a learning standpoint.

Many years later I eventually married a different girl and we moved to Pa, I now have my carry permit as well and have gone hunting. My FIL is setting aside a few of his guns for me and my daughters when they are old enough.

I think it’s just a kids fascination. It’s important to teach him respect of the firearms. My handgun scares the crap out of me with its potential, but I have an incredible amount of respect for that danger and I’ve been teaching my daughter to respect guns and that they are not toys. I carry because there’s crazy people out there, and I know with my luck the one time I’m in a situation where there’s a crazy attacking people around me, or myself/family, I won’t have my handgun and will be unable to defend myself.

I would see if there’s a class he can attend, maybe even a junior hunting class where they get the chance to handle a firearm (unloaded of course) and understand it. It’s unlikely he’s going to go all columbine, but him understanding the firearm may help quell some of this fascination. I lost my fascination with firearms because when I grew up in MD they were almost like a unicorn, you never saw them. But now that I’m around them (I know a lot of people that carry) it’s just another item I carry with me everyday (phone, wallet, keys, firearm).

 

[sovereignone]

@yhwh_will_uplift Since it sounds like you've got a pretty good, open-communication relationship with him right now, I'd recommend building on that. Keep the lines of communication open, and take what he tells you more or less at face value (but always be mindful of, and keep an ear out to listen for subtext).

The main thing I'd recommend at this point, apart from open communication, is to enroll the both of you in a firearm safety class. Not only will this be something you can do together, which will continue to foster your current relationship, but it's also the number one way to help prevent many of the "what-ifs" that you're concerned about.

 

[emygdius]

@yhwh_will_uplift So, as a gun owner, imo guns as a hobby should not be thought of as self defense ever. The repercussions of having to use a gun for self defense are astronomical, expensive, and damaging to the user, injured, and families.

I think that is a REAL conversation worth having. Firearms as a hobby, to collect, train target practice with, and especially hunting are more reasonable and realistic. Obviously, safety is HUGE. I wouldn't buy him a firearm unless this is a huge financial and time consuming hobby you are willing to be heavily involved in. You would need a gun safe he could never access without you. But, bc you may not be trained and comfortable with guns I really don't think it's a good idea to get any.

So...all to say its best to have that first conversation that guns are really not to own for self defense (imo). Because the consequences are enormous if he ever uses it that way.

 

[shadowthehedgehogxx]

@yhwh_will_uplift So, full disclaimer, I’m not a parent. I did have a brother who loved guns growing up, though! Here’s what my parents did.

A little background, we’re not in the most gun friendly state but we grew up around them. We all knew the rules and had a healthy respect for them. My dad enjoyed shooting, and we would go to the range as an occasional family activity.

My brother showed similar interest to your son. My parents talked with him about how serious he was about this and why. They ended up enrolling him in a marksmanship class, it was great for him. He came out of his shell (even though he was the only kid there, lol, he was about 15 at the time I believe), had a lot more confidence in himself, and he just loved it. It was the first thing he was really truly passionate about, and he still is as an adult. He got crazy good, was winning tons of competitions.

They eventually bought him a nice rifle for Christmas when he was older, but it had to be kept in my dad’s gun safe and only my dad knew the combo. They were incredibly careful around the safe to ensure we never could figure out the combo. They kept it in their closet, we had to be out of their room with the closet and bedroom door shut (with mom watching us). He wasn’t even allowed to remove it from the safe himself after it was opened.

That being said, my brother didn’t suffer from any mental health issues, didn’t have an explosive/aggressive/unstable personality, and never ever had access to them outside of the range. He had a healthy social life, was doing well in school, was healthy, and just “okay” overall. Of course things can be hidden, but you know your kid. What does your gut say?

I would call some ranges to see if any of them are attached to a store/if they will rent guns out (indoor ranges tend to be better for this) for classes. Take a gun safety class together, and go from there. They may even have youth classes. Having an interest in guns doesn’t mean you have to have one at home!

I’m wondering if there’s maybe a specific issue that’s concerning you? You mention that there are some worries you can’t shake. Is he having any trouble at school, like bullying? How important did the self defense reasoning sound to him? Was it more of a secondary interest (possibly to make it more “manly” than just an art piece)? Does it feel like your gut is telling you there’s something your conscious brain hasn’t caught up to yet (even if you can’t pinpoint it), or does it feel more like general worry? I’m a firm believer in listening to your instincts, they are an evolutionary tool made to protect us and those we love, so why not!

Good luck, friend—it could turn out to be a really wonderful thing for him, like it was for my brother/our family. He could also hate it, lol, who knows. Kids are weird

 

[concord1968]

@yhwh_will_uplift Get him shooting lessons, take him hunting, or to the range.

 

[varunsundars]

@yhwh_will_uplift Your son is close too me in age my dads a cop uncle in milt they taught me gun safety and weapons discipline. Your house if he wants a gun needs your permission until 18-21 then he can do whatever he wants with his own place. Also last thing with weapons, a persons mind you never know what they are thinking of doing or where they are if hidden. Nobody knows your son besides himself my dad doesn’t it’s been 19 years asking questions.

 

[charlietango]

@yhwh_will_uplift Honestly please don’t get him one till he’s old enough to buy one on his own. I beg you. As a mother with kids in school, I envy parents who stupidly give their kids access to such things. Especially if you’re second guessing yourself that this might be some type of mental health issue/ obsession. Maybe he’s going through some things you know nothing about. Cool parent or not. Every shooters parents never thought it would be their own kid. Definitely take classes and research as much as possible before.

 

[icequeen27]

@charlietango They aren’t your kids, parent how you want but there is nothing wrong with purchasing firearms and teaching your children firearm safety. The worse thing you can do is have a child interested in firearms and not invest in safety and building their knowledge. Then when your kid is old enough to just buy their own, they don’t know the basic rules of firearms and end up killing someone or themselves on accident.

Not every person who learns to shoot at a young age ends up being mass shooters. In fact, most mass shooters are completely uneducated and have a history of little to no training. Training and educating youth on firearms is exactly what they did in the 1900s and they had drastically less shootings than now.

 

[icequeen27]

@yhwh_will_uplift There is nothing wrong with being interested in firearms as a hobby. I grew up in KY and it is very common. Most mass shooters/murderers aren’t interested in the mechanics and history of firearms. They are often uneducated and untrained.

There are also careers in the firearm industry. Gunsmiths, engineers, or even military if that’s what he’d like to do.

Get him lessons and Invest in some equipment such as eye protection, hearing protection. Maybe get him into skeet or long range marksmanship competitions (that’s how I started at 18).

It isn’t always related to killing something. It is also a precision sport. There are many different types of competitions and tournaments he could get into.

Instead of thinking about it as just shooting think about it as marksmanship.

 

[defty]

@yhwh_will_uplift About 99.99999% of boys who think guns are cool never shoot anyone.

It's at least as normal as liking superheros and spaceships. Or girls liking dolls or hairstyles.

 

[mlshelton1975]

@yhwh_will_uplift If you buy him a firearm as a gift, I would suggest keeping it locked up at all times. He can only handle it under supervision, of a adult trusted by you. You can buy metal gun cabinets for around 230$.