fanatical4christ
New member
I was severely depressed for a while for not breastfeeding. I was haunted by thought I wasn’t bonding with baby as much as other moms. Having to make my baby wait while crying for the bottle to warm killed me. I exclusively pump and while that in itself is whole other exhausting story, I slowly came to peace with everything.
I’m 6.5 months pp and I still pump and take on all the night feedings (since in my mind, if I were breastfeeding, thats what I would have been doing anyway). I recently started reading more about secure attachment. One thing that worries me is baby rarely smiles at me. He erupts in giggles at daddy, smiles constantly with grandma, but rarely cracks a smile with me.
I know people say it’s because “you’re just momma” or “babies don’t know you’re a different person,” but I have a hard time believing that because I read about so many breastfeeding moms saying their babies are so attached to them, only want them, cry when anyone else holds them, etc.
I KNOW it’s healthy that he has bonds with other people, but I guess selfishly I would have loved for me to be his favorite during this one short period of his life. It would have made me feel like I did something right when I already feel so awful about so many things. In the first couple months postpartum, I was recovering from an emergency c section and pumping around the clock. My husband did all the night feedings and diaper changes. I feel I missed out on some kind of essential bond in the early days, and baby was always calmer and less fussy around husband. I couldn’t even use the excuse that he was fussier around me due to breastfeeding / being his food source. He’s happy around both of us now, but definitely shows no preference for me.
Just feeling sad again because I’m feeling like not breastfeeding affected his attachment. There are so many “what ifs” running through my mind. I also of course worry about the time taken away from him from me pumping and needing to rest from being so tired. Just really struggling and looking for some reassurance or shared experiences.
I’m 6.5 months pp and I still pump and take on all the night feedings (since in my mind, if I were breastfeeding, thats what I would have been doing anyway). I recently started reading more about secure attachment. One thing that worries me is baby rarely smiles at me. He erupts in giggles at daddy, smiles constantly with grandma, but rarely cracks a smile with me.
I know people say it’s because “you’re just momma” or “babies don’t know you’re a different person,” but I have a hard time believing that because I read about so many breastfeeding moms saying their babies are so attached to them, only want them, cry when anyone else holds them, etc.
I KNOW it’s healthy that he has bonds with other people, but I guess selfishly I would have loved for me to be his favorite during this one short period of his life. It would have made me feel like I did something right when I already feel so awful about so many things. In the first couple months postpartum, I was recovering from an emergency c section and pumping around the clock. My husband did all the night feedings and diaper changes. I feel I missed out on some kind of essential bond in the early days, and baby was always calmer and less fussy around husband. I couldn’t even use the excuse that he was fussier around me due to breastfeeding / being his food source. He’s happy around both of us now, but definitely shows no preference for me.
Just feeling sad again because I’m feeling like not breastfeeding affected his attachment. There are so many “what ifs” running through my mind. I also of course worry about the time taken away from him from me pumping and needing to rest from being so tired. Just really struggling and looking for some reassurance or shared experiences.