Baby #4??

K

kaleandcoffee

New member
Hi , so I currently have 2 boys , 9 and 8 and baby girl 10 months old. I can’t help but feeling a little guilty that the little one is going to grow up alone in her childhood years . As of now we don’t really notice it that much because the boys are still young , they live their little. Sister and they play with her at times . I’m thinking about the long run , when they’re 15 and the baby is barely 6 years old. My boys always had eachother to play with so It makes me a little sad that she won’t. The reasons I want to think this very clearly is because I’m 35 and i would have never seen myself with 4 kids in the past . But now that I had the baby I’m kind of changing my mind about that . Can you all give me advice if you all were in the same situation please 🙏
 
@kaleandcoffee I was just like you! My kids were 9&7 when my 3rd was born. They are much older now. 19,17 and 10. It’s true she had a different experience than her older siblings. But actually she and I have bonded so much! I’m closest with her than the others and it’s such a special relationship. We just had #4 last year so she’s got a big gap on both sides. But she is a great big sister. She loves playing with her baby brother and helping me with him. We’ve got #5 on the way now. She does make comments about wishing she had a sibling close in age like her other siblings. I get it. But there are other benefits. She got a lot of extra attention being the baby for so long. Especially as the older kids started into their teen years and doing their own thing. And they all bond together in different ways. It’s beautiful.
 
@kaleandcoffee I was happy with my oldest 3 but later decided to have #4 when my older 2 were 18 and 16 years old. We had already decided to have 2 close in age if possible but instead we had twins. I wouldn't sign up for twins but that's not exactly something you get a lot of say in. Just a fore warning that older, multiparous women have higher risk factors for twins. I'm happy with my twins but it's a lot at 42 years old.
 
@kaleandcoffee I want to piggy back on your post! I have three and my youngest is 2.5. Thinking about a fourth but my first three are each 18 months apart and are very close. I wish I would have gone for four on my original “spacing plan.” Now I’m worried about a 3-4 year gap and then having to have 5 so #4 has a buddy incase #3 doesn’t pair up with #4.
 
@kaleandcoffee My oldest two are 9&11 and do everything together. Then I had the third one when they were 6&4 and I had the same worry. We ended up having number 4 and now the younger two are super close in the same
Way. I love my four boys but I think you shouldn’t base this solely off her having another sibling close in age and nothing else. You should want to expand your family and want to have another baby with the close in age thing as an aspect and not just the deciding factor as each kid does bring the extra work and the pros and cons.
 
@kaleandcoffee Our big girls were 6&4 when I found out I was pregnant for the 3rd time. I was worried about the age gap and #3 not having someone close in age. #3 ended up being #3&4 - twins! And I’m super pleased they have each other as our older girls are so tight and being school aged, are in a completely different stage to the babies. For us, 4 is perfect and for the first time, I no longer feel like someone is missing.
 
@kaleandcoffee I just had my fourth baby on Tuesday and I'm so appreciative of these comments saying that it's not so hard going from 3 to 4. My kids are all 2 years apart and I'm very happy with that. This is a good thread.
 
@kaleandcoffee From the kid perspective, my siblings were 11, 9, and 7 when I was born. I HATED it. Everyone else was way older and wanted to do their own things, no one wanted to play with me, and when they did I felt like they were obligated to, whether it was true or not. My brothers were graduating high school when I was in elementary school, and I feel like I really have such few memories from my oldest brother “growing up” - he was already almost a grown up from fairly early childhood memories. The older kids reminisce about when they were kids, but I wasn’t born or was too young to remember, and I just feel left out. I’ve also spent much of my life worrying about outliving my entire family and being left alone. I SO wish I had gotten another sibling to grow up with and have similar experiences with. If you have the capacity for 4, DO IT.

ETA: Oh yeah, I currently have 4 kids myself, all 2 years apart, and I think 4 is great. It feels a lot more complete for me, though I admittedly still think about 5 sometimes. 😬
 
@marilynliddell Thank you , this really helps me make up my mind 😊 I can’t imagine not having brothers around my age . I grew up with 2 brothers close in age and a lot of cousins so it did make me a little sad that my baby wouldn’t experience that
 
@kaleandcoffee Super glad #4 arrived despite our plans. #3 &#4 get on like a house on fire, and even though #3 was only 2 years younger than #2, who is even closer to #1, #3 got left out a lot before #4 became independent.
 
@kaleandcoffee We had the exact same situation. The older ones were 8 and 6 when number 3 was born - and we then decided to have number 4 with another age gap of 2 years. Best decision ever, highly recommended :)
 
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