Any advice for [m]e towards my sister-in-law?

[willie23]

So my brother and sister are trying for a baby, and they've been unlucky so far. She dealt with fibroids which needed removing and a follow up procedure to remove all scar tissue, and after trying for 6 months, nothing. My brother's sperm count is normal, but my S.I.L is 42. They just tried IVF (where she had to take all the meds and injections for over two months and paying a ton of money), but because of her age and other factors, she doesn't have many eggs left. They're devastated that nothing's worked for them and I don't know what's left for them. Do they keep trying?

also, silly question, how can I (someone who's very close with both of them) 'be there for them'? do they need to deal with this on their own, or is there anything i can do ?

 

[willisisaved]

@willie23 I think the question of them keeping trying is up to them. I'm sure they have way more information from their doctor about the chances of getting pregnant and the expense and interventions they can try. In that sense, there's nothing much you can do.

As for you, it sounds like you are very close since you have all this information. Just be open to talk with them if they want to about what is happening but don't be offended if they don't want to talk. Be supportive and ask questions and stay away from the trite "just relax" "this is for a reason" phrases. Everyone copes with fertility issues differently.

 

[willie23]

@willisisaved Thank you for your insight. I can't imagine what it must feel like - I have noticed them being more distant, so I have been giving them space, I just hope it's what they need...

 

[mameabena]

@willie23 It can take a healthy couple up to a year to conceive, so your sister is still well within what's "normal". Did her doctor tell her how removing the scar tissue would impact her fertility?

I had to have IVF with ICSI to get pregnant due to MFI, in our case low morphology. Despite being young, 28 at the time, my AMH (hormone that measures ovarian reserve) was as low as a normal 38 year old's. I was pretty much told we didn't have much time left and had to be aggressive with the IVF treatment. Despite my young age, our odds of conceiving were still only 40% - 50% per IVF cycle. Due to the low AMH, we only got 6 mature eggs. However, 3 of them made it to day 5 blastocysts! I got pregnant on our first IVF cycle with only one embryo transferred. I'm far from the norm though. Just from being on /r/infertility, I can tell you it takes some couples 3 or 4 IVF cycles to get pregnant, if they even get pregnant at all. It took Tom Arnold 21 IVF cycles to have his son! Did your brother's RE give them odds of conceiving?

As far as the cost of IVF, some insurance companies pay for it, some pay for a portion of it like office visits and blood work, and some don't pay at all. There are programs that will pay a portion of the costs; I think they're usually called "Shared Risk Programs". Attain is probably the most popular one I've heard of. To qualify you have to be within a certain BMI, etc.

If egg quality is an issue, there's donor eggs. You said your brother's sperm count is normal. That's only one part of the semen analysis; the other two components are motility and morphology. Is your brother's entire SA normal or just the count? If both sperm and egg quality are an issue, there's donor embryos. Continuing to try is entirely up to them.

I'm just curious what protocol makes you take medication for 2 months. Typically, you start medications at the beginning of your cycle, have the egg retrieval near ovulation, and start taking progesterone and estrogen around the embryo transfer. If you don't get pregnant, you stop taking medication. That would last a total of about a month. If you do get pregnant, you continue taking progesterone and estrogen throughout your first trimester.

As far as emotional support, it's very common for couples suffering from infertility to seek help from a therapist who specializes in infertility. Their RE should be able to recommend one. If they want to talk to you about it, just listen. Let them cry, rant, etc. Don't suggest supplements, lifestyle changes, etc without actually researching them first to see if they're even efficacious. Even then I'd probably steer clear of that. Never say things like, "It's God's plan.", "It's for the best.", etc. These types of statements won't offer comfort. They'll just upset your brother and SIL more.

 

[willie23]

@mameabena Thank you KittyL0ver.

the docs had to remove the scar tissue because they were blocked her fallopian tubes, once the operation was done they did the 'dye test' and both tubes were working normally.

His sperm count, motility and morphology are all normal.

regarding the meds, I think you're right, I saw the rather large box filled with pills, syringes and liquids, and thought, wow that's a lot of meds.

donor eggs could be an option, but I think part of being a mommy, for her, is also giving birth to a baby that shares both parents' genetic code. I don't know, they just have to keep optimistic and keep trying, despite the over 10 grand (uk pounds) bill each time.