All reasons are valid

[bellaaa]

C/W discussion of ableism/mention of fictionalised child loss

So whilst bumbling around a different (non-Reddit) parenting forum, I came across a thread of a very overwhelmed parent of a toddler with non-verbal ASD wanting to vent/get advice regarding bedtime. Poor mum was at her wits end after yet another bedtime battle and just needed to get it off her chest and hear from others in the same boat that she wasn’t completely useless.

So of course some “well meaning” idiot (I could use a lot stronger language but I can’t remember the cursing policy here!) bumbles in with zero advise other than “y0u Sh0uLd H@vE aNoThEr BaBy!!!” and directing her to watch a recent tv drama where a child with a disability dies but “it was ok” because they had another child. Like what? WHAT? Lady are you smoking crack? That is not how this works?! This is not how ANY OF THIS WORKS.

OP, with the grace of all the angels combined, patiently explained she’d chosen to be OAD after her relationship broke down as well as parenting a high needs child. Thankfully other posters were immensely supportive, called out the ableism for what it was but oh dear lord help me I am now mad on behalf of a complete stranger for having to explain herself.

 

[bynom]

@bellaaa "Man, I'm so stressed with work! It's the busy season and I've been putting in so much overtime, I'm completely overwhelmed. Please remind me it will get better soon?"

"YOU SHOULD GET A SECOND JOB."

 

[bellaaa]

@bynom “HAVE YOU TRIED MONETISING YOUR HOBBIES TOO?!!!!”

Thank you, that made me laugh

 

[evilbeans]

@bellaaa Oh my, she is a gracious person for responding that way. People can be so idiotic!

 

[bellaaa]

@evilbeans Honestly she was much much kinder than I would have been!

 

[dongchau123]

@bellaaa How on earth does anyone who's had a child believe that adding another child will make their life easier?! It's like when people with relationship issues think adding another partner and becoming non-monogamous will fix the relationship. The solution to interpersonal relationship issues isn't "involve more people", especially an infant.

 

[bellaaa]

@dongchau123 And especially when the parent is already telling you they are struggling! Some people just love sticking their oar in with crazy advice

 

[mpierce]

@bellaaa So cruel to imply that a child is replaceable.

Also, a child with ASD is not likely to die in childhood - they might have a reduced life expectancy if there are comorbidities, but this person doesn’t sound like they know what they’re talking about.

 

[bellaaa]

@mpierce They definitely didn’t

 

[bferg333]

@bellaaa I like to reply with an even more morbid answer to shut them up. And it’s the truth.

“If my only dies, I can kill myself guilt free. If I had another kid I’d have to live through it.”

 

[sirlanky]

@bellaaa Why are people so morbid about only children? I don’t get why they constantly think about death when they hear any set of parents choosing OAD.

 

[bellaaa]

@sirlanky I think they think it’s a ‘gotcha’ when it’s just a really crappy thing to say