@clh72481 I am the oldest of five siblings and the father of seven. My best advice is: 1) Don't have more kids than one of you can handle alone 2) Two years apart is a bare minimum, boys that close in age will fight over everything 3) Hopefully this is obvious but don't have more kids than you can afford/comfortably house. Good luck!
Advice on going from 2 to 3
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theholyroller
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@clh72481 My 3 kids are split the way yours would be and my oldest is 7.
Maybe I am like your parents but the best I can share is that the difference between 2 and 3 is the difference between 1:1 defense and zone defense. The difference between 3 and 4, onward, is much less dramatic.
There is never enough time and things have to be bulk processed. A somewhat lax parenting strategy, mixed with minimalism and some stoicism, is how we make it.
Maybe I am like your parents but the best I can share is that the difference between 2 and 3 is the difference between 1:1 defense and zone defense. The difference between 3 and 4, onward, is much less dramatic.
There is never enough time and things have to be bulk processed. A somewhat lax parenting strategy, mixed with minimalism and some stoicism, is how we make it.
@theholyroller My parents had a horrible marriage and basically were too busy fighting to think about how to spend alone time with us or help us foster healthy sibling relationships, so yeeeaaah. I'm not worried about ending up like them considering how great of a team my husband and I are.
theholyroller
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katrina2017
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@clh72481 Following too! We've got two girls, 2y and 7m, and I feel like we finally have the day-to-day down, it's wonderful.
My mom said that going from two to three was hard, because you're suddenly outnumbered lol.
But us four siblings were really close in age, I think that makes a difference.
Our thoughts so far are - we don't need a new place or car if we had another baby, financially all's well (I'm in Austria, childcare is not expensive and I get paid maternity leave), and if we don't get pregnant too soon there'll be a nice gap and it'll be a lot easier giving every child the attention they deserve.
Still not sure. We'll see..
My mom said that going from two to three was hard, because you're suddenly outnumbered lol.
But us four siblings were really close in age, I think that makes a difference.
Our thoughts so far are - we don't need a new place or car if we had another baby, financially all's well (I'm in Austria, childcare is not expensive and I get paid maternity leave), and if we don't get pregnant too soon there'll be a nice gap and it'll be a lot easier giving every child the attention they deserve.
Still not sure. We'll see..
lilchevette
New member
@clh72481 Have a boy who just turned 7. We adopted in October a newborn boy, and found out we were pregnant a week later (daughter born in June).
So we’ve got 7 year old, 11 month old and 3 month old. So we went from 1 to 3 fast!!
Our 7 year old is a huge help, so having a kid at least cognizant enough to help with tiny stuff like get diapers, let the dog out, do simple things is a HUGE help.
With that said, it’s really not too much extra imo. We have been parents for 7 years and know the drill. Yeah, it can get busy sometimes, and there are now three kids, but it’s definitely manageable. We did have to get a bigger car (we needed a new one anyways so this wasn’t a huge deal). Feel free to ask any questions if you are curious.
So we’ve got 7 year old, 11 month old and 3 month old. So we went from 1 to 3 fast!!
Our 7 year old is a huge help, so having a kid at least cognizant enough to help with tiny stuff like get diapers, let the dog out, do simple things is a HUGE help.
With that said, it’s really not too much extra imo. We have been parents for 7 years and know the drill. Yeah, it can get busy sometimes, and there are now three kids, but it’s definitely manageable. We did have to get a bigger car (we needed a new one anyways so this wasn’t a huge deal). Feel free to ask any questions if you are curious.
@lilchevette Aww that's such a great series of events! We already have the mom van, too! Woooo
Do you guys ever get time with just your oldest? The babies are still really little so maybe not, but we find that we really love letting him stay up so we can hang out just the 3 of us. We rarely get to do that and I worry that that if we have another, we'll get even less of that.
Do you guys ever get time with just your oldest? The babies are still really little so maybe not, but we find that we really love letting him stay up so we can hang out just the 3 of us. We rarely get to do that and I worry that that if we have another, we'll get even less of that.
lilchevette
New member
@clh72481 Yeah, we definitely make time for the oldest. The babies are little so they both go to bed relatively early, and since he is older and can stay up, we hang out with him just us three every night. We’ve also have nights where we have the grandparents over to watch the babies and take him out to eat or shopping. We also have special shows and activities with him too, like he watches every episode of the masked singer with just him and Mom, and then he and I play Xbox together, just us. For us, it’s actually pretty easy finding the time to make sure we are spending quality time.
lotrnut2486
New member
@clh72481 Hello! Well, I have two boys (now 7 and 5) and a daughter who will be two in December. Truly, and maybe this makes me a terrible person, I very desperately wanted a daughter, so we rolled the dice. It probably was not the most sound decision making, but it turned out alright! I would’ve loved a third boy too, if it had turned out that way.
But it has definitely made parts of our lives more difficult. We suddenly had to buy bigger cars because fitting two car seats and a booster across the back seat was tricky. We are looking for a new house right and and need something with at least 4 bedrooms. Where I live, finding affordable 4 bedroom homes are like finding a needle in a haystack. There are definitely days where I just don’t have the amount of time or patience that I would like to have with my kids. And there are days where they spend more time on screens than I would like them too. But, like you said, our house is full of love and a lot of laughter. And I’m really enjoying watching my 7 year old interact with his (now toddler) sister. It’s a really sweet relationship to see blossom.
But it has definitely made parts of our lives more difficult. We suddenly had to buy bigger cars because fitting two car seats and a booster across the back seat was tricky. We are looking for a new house right and and need something with at least 4 bedrooms. Where I live, finding affordable 4 bedroom homes are like finding a needle in a haystack. There are definitely days where I just don’t have the amount of time or patience that I would like to have with my kids. And there are days where they spend more time on screens than I would like them too. But, like you said, our house is full of love and a lot of laughter. And I’m really enjoying watching my 7 year old interact with his (now toddler) sister. It’s a really sweet relationship to see blossom.
@lotrnut2486 Honestly, I've thought about having a daughter and I think I'd be scared! I'm so used to boy stuff (not that we subscribe to a lot of pointless gender rules, you know what I mean) and I only had brothers and lived with my single dad for several years. I was a total tomboy. But I have tons of female friendships now and I would figure it out!
I'd be fine with three crazy boys. Join the circus. Ha ha
I'd be fine with three crazy boys. Join the circus. Ha ha
katrina2017
New member
@clh72481 We had two boys, 4 and 2 at the time, and thought we were done. Surprised by a little girl after we had sold all of our stuff, which we ended up having to buy back (but you know what you need by #3 so not as much as you think).
Really it just a little more work. If you're already thinking you can handle it, you probably can. Plus it's a whole new personality to add to the team.
Really it just a little more work. If you're already thinking you can handle it, you probably can. Plus it's a whole new personality to add to the team.
cuchallain
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katrina2017
New member
I could have written this.@katrina2017 This is the best sub! Everyone has been so thoughtful with their responses.
katrina2017
New member
@clh72481 Me too! And you’re spot on with most people asking about having a second one. The third is less talked about. I also don’t want to ask friends/family and then they are alerted to us possibly trying. This post had a lot of good replies! Mine are 5.5 and 3 right now. I’m soooo hesitant but also reallllyyy want a third. So some strong inner battle happening over here lol.
@katrina2017 Last night, my 18mo woke up at 10am and spent two hours losing his mind. And even though I never have heartburn and only get it when I'm pregnant (and I get it REALLY bad), I had bad heartburn. I was like "I think the universe is giving me a reality check." lol