8 y/o twins to be split into different schools next year and we're just having a hard time with that

@shijut20 I was labeled “gifted” as a child and they didn’t put me in the full “gifted” school because of behavioral problems (just struggling to sit still and stop talking, go figure why I might have a hard time with that but I was a ~girl~ so). Instead I got the pull out “gifted” classes (which I hated the first year because I had to miss library time).

Like another person here I was placed in all the same advanced classes in middle school as the kids from the “gifted” school. Our main difference was actually the elitism in attitude. The gifted school kids tended to be competitive (a lot of them cheated btw because they cared most about the bottom line) and didn’t see the value in alternative thinking styles or different forms of intelligence. They didn’t even really see the value in education, just that they needed to be “smarter” on paper to feel good about themselves.

The best lesson I ever learned was to value people beyond their labels, my elementary school also had a center where kids with severe learning disabilities were placed and integrated into the classroom so I also learned what it means to have a “bad” label placed on you as well and the way teachers treat the same behavior differently depending on the label the child has.

Further, I struggled in the “gifted” program in middle school because of the severity of the behavioral expectations. I was punished a lot. When placed with regular students I was a middle of the pack kid in terms of behavior, when punished for detention or ASD and among the “bad” kids I was at the top of the pack, completing my work early and being generally compliant and praised for it. I actually loved getting detention because I realized I wasn’t all that bad, I just didn’t match the expectations for gifted girl children and was absolutely completely shamed for it which destroyed my confidence and ultimately led to lower grades because it felt like nothing I did was ever good enough. So I aced the tests but never studied and didn’t do homework and still have horrible consequences from that shit now.

I realize this is a difficult choice, but I want to echo someone else here: the best indicator of future academic success is the support at home. And that the label of “gifted” probably harms our communities and children more than it helps them. What do we really mean when we say that? Truly, what is the point?
 
@shijut20 I was placed in 'gifted' programs in first grade. It was awesome, I loved school, still love learning and being challenged. We all want to grow in some way.
 
@shijut20 Your daughter will thrive in a gen ed class too. If you feel that keeping her with her brother is more important, than the right choice is to keep them together
 
@shijut20 We had the same choice with our twins at 2nd grade. Our son tested into our districts advanced academics program and wanted to go. It was hard for him to leave friends, but some went with and he still sees the others in the neighborhood.

Overall it has been a huge boon for both of them. He went from bored to … well less bored in class and it gave him and his sister a chance to develop their own friend groups and have their own space.

I won’t lie the logistics are a pain from time to time but even knowing that now after having done it for several years, we’d do it again in a heartbeat.
 
@shijut20 This is how our district treats GT and my oldest is going next year (ours starts at 1st grade). I'm dreading testing the twins and potentially having this happen 😫

I'd never take an obviously GT kid and waive the right to gifted services. At our district it's all or nothing. My oldest would be bored out of her mind (she's 4 grades above level in reading and 2 in math) if I kept her at her home campus. I know the additional services are a need for her to thrive.

I'm not sure how your GT campus is but ours is outstanding and innovative and wins national awards. They're able to write their own curriculum and offer differentiated instruction through pullouts to the highest of the high achievers. It's an amazing opportunity.

I view it no different than a kid who needs help to stay on level. My kid needs GT services to stay challenged and in love with learning. I am so sorry yours handles it by separate campuses too but you are not alone and I think you're definitely doing the right thing by your daughter.
 
@nativenewyorker1980 This is definitely where our heads are at with our daughter. TBH her scores were so much higher than the required level to get in, it took us by surprise. We certainly want to take advantage of this.

I'm surprised by the top-most votes in this thread though about doing what's right for the family or whether it's "needed" - it may not be, but when it comes down to it if I had kids two years apart, there would be zero hesitation, of course the kid would go.

The fact that we have twins certainly makes it harder, but I wouldn't want to deprive one an opportunity like this.
 
@shijut20 100% send her to the gifted program. As someone who was labeled gifted in school and moved in middle school to a place with no program I can tell you it makes a huge difference.
 
@shijut20 People not thinking it's necessary to go to GT either aren't gifted themselves or had an integrated GT experience where they were still in their home school. What's best for your family is your daughter getting what she needs to succeed. Best of luck to her for adjusting. And to brother! It'll be different but I'm glad he is staying the familiar place to him. That will ease it.
 
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