8 y/o twins to be split into different schools next year and we're just having a hard time with that

[shijut20]

Gifted testing has placed our daughter into a different school for grades 3-5 (in grade 2 now) where the teachers/curriculum are tailored to make sure she gets the most out of school. Ultimately, we are thrilled for her and understand this is great.

But all the emotional items come into play after sitting down with her to explain. Her brother tested well in math and will be getting some special attention for that, but in our original school. It's great that our district even has a special school for those who qualify, but splitting these two is breaking our hearts.

We spent two hours last night basically just all crying together. The realization of leaving her friends, her brother, and her school just came down on her hard. We worry about her making friends, not having her brother etc. Again - we know in the long run the twins need their own lives and this is normal but I guess we just weren't prepared for it to happen just yet.

We aren't hesitating about sending her for this great opportunity. It's just hard. Anyone here have any reassuring words? Could use them right about now!

 

[626color]

@shijut20 As a teacher and former ‘gifted’ child, I would strongly recommend NOT putting your twin in the gifted program. I don’t know if it’s my district/state but there has recently been a HUGE push towards gifted education. Not to say your child isn’t ‘gifted’ but we recently changed our math test for gifted students, and 50% of them scored as ‘gifted’. I truly believe the cons outweigh the pros in gifted Ed.

 

[iwinbuntu_x]

@shijut20 i'd give a second thought to whether this sort of specialization is really necessary for third graders

 

[lehcar]

@iwinbuntu_x Have to agree.. is this REALLY better for them, and the family?

 

[rushamania]

@lehcar Yeah this would be a no for me. It sounds awful for them both mentally. If one wants more academic stuff then find a way outside school.

 

[loneburro]

@iwinbuntu_x Yeah, as a teacher I have seen there are a lot of drawbacks to the experience students have in gifted programs. Often being told you're gifted from such a young age can actually be harmful to learning and achievement long term (particularly after finishing secondary school). The other thing to consider is that home resources are a much larger predictor of achievement and success than school resources and rigor. If you think it will be harmful to her social-emotional well-being to separate from her brother or her friends, there's really no harm (and there may be benefit) in her staying in the normal school.

 

[prosini]

@shijut20 Not a twin, but when I was in third grade I was moved to a gifted school. It was horrible and I hated every second of it and missed my
friends terribly. It triggered so much anxiety for me that I can still vividly feel. I would consider all aspects of this change for sure. The social change may outweigh what benefit a third grader can get out of such a drastic change and separation.

 

[cricket0206]

@shijut20 I was gifted as a child and my parents did not send me to any sort of gifted program until middle school. It turned out great and I ended up in the same gifted program as kids who had gone to an elementary gifted program. I didn't see that they had any particular academic advantage over me (I'm sure some kids were smarter than me, and some probably not as smart).

I had such a wonderful elementary education experience at my very average elementary school. I was very successful in high school (3.9 gpa , IB diploma) and college (multiple honors programs, graduated summa cum laude), got into multiple prestigious colleges with scholarships, as well as graduate schools later on, and today have a great career.

All that to say that I do not think elementary gifted programs are necessary for success and in your case it certainly seems likely to be detrimental.

 

[wanderingminstrel]

@shijut20 My ID boys were separated starting pre-k when one went into a special ed class. They were in separate schools for a bit, now in the same school but different classes. I think it's been good for them, although I was worried at times.

 

[newhistoricalprotestant]

@shijut20 Could you switch her to gifted school later? I switched to gifted school in JR high and that was a good option for me

 

[majordadsage]

@shijut20 Very weird from a my point of view

I understand the concept but it's not for me

 

[kirag]

@shijut20 Former gifted kid here who got a lot of gifted treatment and wished they hadn’t. You can foster a brilliant mind in other ways.

 

[mungomerbeliever]

@shijut20 Special higher education at third grade?

Maybe split them up and stay in the same school first. See how that goes.

We had to split our twins up at daycare at two years old. Best thing that ever happened to us. It helped Twin B grow and learn to be on their own.

But it was done with ability to still see each other. Not two separate schools.

Something to think about.

 

[lilcsinthespring]

@shijut20 Separate classes? Yes. Completely different schools where one is labeled “gifted”? Nope.

I would never do this to my twins, but to each their own I guess. It just feels like, ones the heir and the others the spare. I’d just find other ways to nurture their interests outside of this program.

….and to be honest, I would not be too trustworthy of this program having a good social and emotional component if they are not addressing this directly with you. SEL is crucial and they seem to have complete disregard for SEL if you were left crying alone as a family. A night of crying as a family sounds very traumatic.

 

[shijut20]

@lilcsinthespring It was a rough night, but you're making some assumptions lol

My daughter came back home today super excited to go and brother was nothing but supportive. Amazing what 12 hours can do. We haven't been through the open house yet or spoken to anyone because we only just got the letter about the invitation last week. We'll get through it

 

[playon]

@shijut20 Maybe different with B/G twins but this would never fly in my house (B/B and B/B- 16 mo apart)…they are constantly comparing everything with each other! I get your daughter’s perspective but would hate for her twin to think he’s “the not gifted one.” Different with kids with age gaps, but twins are always comparing themselves to their twin, even if they’re really different and don’t seem to care what the other is doing- it’s inevitable! But these aren’t the reassuring words you asked for- sorry! I’m sure each child will find a way to carve out their own niche and blossom into their own individual people!

 

[marawuti]

@shijut20 I just wanted to give a different perspective. I LOVED my gifted classes. I never felt dumb in them and I never got anxiety from it. I think this had more to do with how my parents handled it than the school, though.

My 13 year old twins have only been in the same class twice and I'm so glad they have their own identities to gain strength from instead of being codependent.

 

[mike1671]

@marawuti My boys are only 1, so I can't comment on their experience, but personally, I also loved being in gifted. I went to some mediocre public schools, so maybe if I was in a better school, the difference in classes may not have been that different.

 

[romeshd]

@shijut20 [sup][sup]^[/sup][/sup] second this, there’s a lot of various research out there on ‘gifted and talented’ programs and how they can contribute to inequality

 

[gabrielbarry]

@shijut20 My twins are in first grade and have both tested into TAG, but there is a lottery to go to the TAG magnet school. We have decided to send them if they both get in, but not if only one gets in. We don't feel like it's a huge deal at this age, and dealing with 2 schools would be a pain (they are in separate classes). There is a STEM magnet high school in our county and if only one wanted to/could go there, we would go along with it, but at this age, it's not worth it.