7 month old won’t sleep alone

[guyj]

I know it’s my own doing, and I know the dangers of co-sleeping.

I initially had the Snoo which worked for 4 months when we went overseas to meet her dad, time difference etc threw everything off. She slept on a mattress on the floor next to me, waking countless times needing to be cuddled back to sleep.

When we returned home she refused to be in the snoo or a cot so we sleep together on a king sized mattress on the floor (fitted sheet, no pillows or blankets. I put her in the middle of the bed to sleep, I sleep curled up in a corner at the foot of the bed with my legs hanging off because I have anxiety about SIDS so no need to lecture me on that topic) She wakes 5+ times every night needing to be cuddled back to sleep.

I’ve tried patting singing etc. The few times I’ve tried to be persistent in not cuddling it’s resulted in several hours of very distressed crying, lasting long after I’ve given in.

She’s only ever napped if I’m cuddling her, carrying her in the carrier, or driving. Her naps never last any longer than 40 minutes. Her wake windows I can’t stretch past 2 hours 15 minutes before she’s overtired and very unhappy. This means she’s still napping around 5 times a day.

She’s an otherwise happy thriving baby but I’m alone with no help and so sleep deprived.

Has anyone else had this problem and managed to get their baby sleeping in their own bed without having to make them cry themselves to sleep or use “sleep training” methods??

 

[eric220]

@guyj I don't contribute to this sub much but you're in a supportive space for people who are making the decision to cosleep because it makes sense to them.

I don't think you're going to get lectured about anything and it's unlikely you'll get advice about sleep training here because (at least I assume) that's the alternative to cosleeping in some cases

I hope you get the support you're looking for or a good place to start feeling better about your situation

 

[lucaswey]

@guyj This is a wonderfully supportive sub imo. We cosleep with our 8 month old. It sounds like you're doing everything you can so trust your instincts.

I follow a few evidence based sleep educators on insta (not sleep trainers!!) It sounds like baba is getting too much day time sleep as you mentioned and it's affecting their night sleep.

On insta, check out Georgina May Sleep, Infant Sleep Scientist and Lynsey Hookway for evidence based information about sleep. They are very pro cosleeping. Someone else already mentioned cosleepy too.

I also found Possums online to be very good. They have some free articles and videos online.

Finally, I have a low sleep needs baby. I used to think she was getting tired quickly during the day. Turns out, she was bored! So now we change it up, go for a walk, change rooms, put on music and it really stretches her awake time during the day. I just follow her lead, not arbitrary wake windows. I hope this helps.

 

[evall]

@lucaswey Same here with a low sleep needs baby! OP, this is exactly what my baby was doing too when she was getting too much daytime sleep.

Now, her first WW is around 2-2.5 hours, the next two are 3-4 hours typically, down to 2 naps/day (unless she nods off in the car or something.)
We follow her lead and this is what she’s settled into…for now It took some time finding this rhythm because her bored cues look so much like her sleepy cues!

Baby is almost 8 months.

 

[lucaswey]

@evall Is your baby my baby?

 

[evall]

@lucaswey maybe?!?

 

[banni65]

@guyj Do you like cosleeping? If this is something you want to continue I think you can do it in a much more comfortable way for yourself! 7 months is a very safe age to cosleep. Go check out @cosleepy if you want to get some co sleeping tips. If you want to get her sleeping in her own crib @heysleepybaby has some excelllent resources on transitioning to crib from bed.

 

[cody60]

@guyj This sub is a safe place for moms like you have had to turn to cosleeping sometimes as a last resort- we all understand, you won’t get lectured here!

Cosleeping is safer than you not getting sleep. You’re not a bad mom for realizing that. Give yourself some grace.

How old is your baby? My son is 5 months and has a very similar sleep schedule to yours since the 4 month sleep regression. It’s just a developmental stage. Slowly we have worked on getting him to sleep in the bed by himself for the first couple hours of the night so that I can be up and do things, and I think you can work to that point, too. It’s involved a bit of letting him fuss for up to 5 minutes, but we also moved his bed time a bit earlier, cut out a nap, and made sure he had a 3 hour wake window before bed. Then I do a bedtime routine, nurse him to sleep, and lay with him for 5 minutes.

If you can allow yourself to relax a bit with cosleeping so that you are actually getting quality sleep (not forcing yourself to sleep at the foot of the bed), give yourself permission to continue as long as your daughter needs it. If you do it safely like you have been (no blankets, sober, and hopefully soon you can feel comfortable in a cuddle curl), it really isn’t as high risk as you’ve been led to believe.

If you really don’t want to continue cosleeping, look at shifting to a side sleeper bassinet, or try to work towards getting baby used to sleeping alone part of the night so it isn’t such a big adjustment.
You’re a good mom. You’ve got this.

 

[katrina2017]

@guyj It’s not(!!!) your own doing. Babies are wired to sleep next to their mother, its biologically normal. Trying to get baby to sleep alone is biologically weird, which is why it doesn’t work great.

I’m pretty sure the only two options when trying to get them to sleep alone are accepting that you’ll be up all through the night with them, and sleep training. It’s one reason why so many people co-sleep.

Safely cosleeping is done in almost every other country. Look up the safe sleep seven and that’s how you do it safely. I even took it a step further and used no blanket or pillow at all but especially at your babies age thats really not necessary, but it made me feel a lot better because it removed those risks altogether.

 

[thecup]

@guyj We’ve never sleep trained.
Our kids don’t sleep alone.

At 7 months, I wouldn’t expect yours to either.

 

[katrina2017]

@guyj Like others said, the safe 7 for cosleeping is helpful. Babies naturally are going to wake up and need reassurance that their mom is there! My baby was the same and even if i put him in his crib, he’d always end up with me in bed. We sleep together still and it’s saved me from sleep deprivation. I was going mad. He can easily nurse and we both drift off after he’s done.

If you don’t want to share a bed, maybe looking into a sidecar crib. That way she can be close enough to cuddle but still in her own space. Please do not feel bad for “your own doing!” You’re making your baby comfortable, it is the best thing for her!

 

[aeoril]

@guyj Echoing what others are saying - contact sleep and cosleeping is biologically normal. Babies want to be close to us! My nine month old only ever sleeps on me or dad or in bed with us. He'll sleep alone when he's ready. Look up safe sleep 7/c curl position if you want to cosleep safely or maybe try a sidecar crib setup (I have no advice here as I haven't tried it). I believe the risk for sids decreases at 4mo and for me at least, I don't move when baby is next to me and there's never been a time in his life that I've rolled towards him (same with dad). I know he's there even in my deep sleep.

 

[aeradom]

@guyj Nobodies gunna lecture you here babe! Do what works for you and your family x

 

[steviewonder]

@guyj We co-slept until he was 6 months old, and then did cry it out. And you know what? They’re both good, and they’re both safe. Just do whatever works best for you, because your needs are important too. Whatever you do with sleep, someone out there (usually an Instagram account) will make you feel guilty. There is no right or wrong way